Spotify Wrapped 2021, A Throwback of My Own 2021

I was actually curious on how my Spotify Wrapped on 2021 would turn out to be. By looking at the list of my most listened songs, I could remind on how my years had been going on.

On 2019,

My top artist was Getsunova while top song was ความเงียบดังที่สุด (The Loudest Silence) by Getsunova.

I had started obsessed with Thai Pop Culture on early 2018.  It all started with series, then shows and went to the pop music. It was also the early stage of my fujoshi re-awakening and Thai served it well. While trying to learn on how to pronounce the word and sing along, at the late of 2018 there was a trailer of an upcoming series, Theory of Love and it featured The Loudest Silence song. I loved it so much up to the point I couldn't wait and decided to read the novel instead. Well, at early 2019 I spent my time reading the book while listening to the song that fitted perfectly.

I loved Theory of Love, obsessed with them but sadly, I had a high expectation already and the series did not deliver it well. It didn't even have the same spark as the first trailer though. It seemed I was too in love with the book and even though I pictured Khai as Off Jumpol, they were sort of different.

On 2020,

My Top Artist was Seventeen while My Top Song was 안아줘  (Hug Me) by Joong Joon-il.

Oh right, Seventeen was like a savior to me during stay-at-home period due to Covid-19. Most of the top 10 songs were not even 2020 release, just like Hug Me by Joong Joon-il. The reason I repeatedly listened to the song was due to Erha Novel or The Husky and His White Cat Shizun by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat. After 2019 was filled with Danmei and I read all of MXTX novels already, I decided to read other popular novel with a huge fandom as well. It's difficult to say that I love the novel already since it involved adultery and Moran 0.5 was too wild and immoral to me. It just didn't make sense at first. But I got dragged and still enjoyed it enough even though the plotline was not really my favorite.

Hug Me song was my own OST for reading the book, and since I took quite a time reading the book (unlike MXTX novels), that's why it became #1. It's as simple as that.

On 2021,

So many things happened to me. On real life actually not that much, but as a fangirl that always crave for anything to obsess, I was even surprised by myself. After several jump and landed on Thailand, on Mid 2021, I was forced to jump on Vietnam. Not really forced, perhaps I should say "suggestively". It all started when I discovered Tự Tâm by Nguyễn Trần Trung Quân. The MV had a BL theme, that's why Youtube recommended such video to me. And I was hypnotized, especially because of the video clip plot, the settings and also the featured model, Denis Dang. I was too stunned with that fine-looking grey and long haired guy on the screen.

One more thing that made me decided to stay in Vietpop was the language. After struggling to read Thai and learn aksorn very much (and I was still far from fluent), I was more than happy to learn Vietnamese though. At least it's quite similar to latin, pretty much. And then, that's how I met the one.

Son Tung MTP.

The first clip that I watched was Nơi Này Có Anh. It had a massive views on Youtube and honestly the song was also addictive. After the first song then came to other great songs. I ended up loving his music style very much. And for his singles, I was very satisfied. Anyone would see his efforts for each clip. I started to love everything about him, I could see a real artist in him and he deserved to be loved too. I stan such a talent and I was grateful for having a chance to know him.

And then I became addicted to Chúng Ta Của Hiện Tại. I am not a good reviewer though, I can only say that the music was perfect. It had an indescribable vibe that made me want to repeat more. It's like a BGM, I could imagine the story whenever I listened to it. Oh, was it because of the video clip? It had a decent plot and I loved the theme too. Anyway, if I'm not mistaken, I started to repeatedly play the song from September and surprisingly it became the #1 in a short time. Hi, Sir, I'm not sure if you're reading this (and I never expect to happen too), I only want to say something to you,

Thank you for being you.

I may have known you for short time, but I enjoyed it very much. Whenever I see you and enjoy your work, I am happy to know that I support a real talent. You give a new color to my life and I am grateful to discover you.

I hope I am able to witness your performance in person, and how lucky I will be for that.

My #2 Artist was STAMP, a Thai singer with a lovely voice and his everlasting song, มันคงเป็นความรัก (It's Probably Love) that I already listened since 2018 and it still topped the chart due to the latest music video for the song that he uploaded last year and he added the English translation and it made the song more meaningful and cut too deep.

At that time I also listened to Erik and he became the #3 most listened artist because of some of his songs but I usually played them fairly, some of my favorites were Em Không Sai Chúng Ta Sai, Đừng Xin Lỗi Nữa and his latest song, Dịu Dàng Em Đến.

As Tilly Birds being my #4, I wouldn't be too surprised. I listened to their singles a lot, literally, but surprisingly none of them being the top 5. Perhaps it was the same case as Erik's songs, I usually put some songs on loop, not specifically repeat one. But Tilly Birds was a must-listened for Thaipop. Their notable singles during 2021 were เพื่อนเล่น ไม่เล่นเพื่อน (Just Being Friendly), ลู่วิ่ง (Can't Keep Up), เดอะแบก (Baggage), and เบื่อคนขี้เบื่อ (I'm Not Boring, You're Just Bored). Well, those were all of their singles on 2021 though. Each of them had their own style and characters, I was satisfied on how they did not really use the copy-paste-improve method to their next single, so I dedicated my biggest praise for them. Ah... This year... I admitted my playlist were so colorful.

Lastly, my #5 Artist was Mika Hashizume, one of Chuang 2021 (China's Produce 101) contestant and recently a member of INTO1. I loved him exactly after he sang to 永不失聯的愛 (Unbreakable Love) by Eric Chou and So Sick by NeYo which was the 1st episode of Chuang 2021. He was my first pick, continued with Liu Yu, Rikimaru, and Santa. All of them were made it to the member of INTO1 and I couldn't be happier. He had a lovely voice that made everyone melted at once. I loved seeing him as my #5 which means that I had a moment to be crazy of Chuang 2021 a lot. I watched them and remember more than half of the contestant though.

Well, that's how my life had been on 2021, and I hope to discover more exciting part of the world that I haven't know yet in next year. And one more thing, I wish all on-hold project to be released soon without delay anymore.

With love,

S.

2021: Another Milestone of Danmei Exploration

Hi. At this point, I realized that I have no turning back to the real world once I deliberately draw into Danmei world. And this whole post will be dedicated to the list of my notable milestones of Danmei up until end of year 2021. I really wanted to create a milestone like this since I always ended up forgetting the list of everything I watched/read.

At first, I created this post for the Q2 milestone, but then it got delayed up until at the end of the year. Heh, I really must appreciate my inconsistency to post regularly.

2021 Jan
Papa Wolf and the Puppy (Manhua)

cr: 麻尾

I'm not sure that this manhua should be included in the danmei tag because up until now, there's no romance at all.

But, this has a similar pattern as 19 Days and the art itself is quite similar. It is a one shot manhua type with a very short scene for each chapter and it's still ongoing. But it is cuter and lovelier in such a way.

It mostly involves around as its name, a papa wolf who picked up a puppy. It started as a real wolf and pup at first but it then came out as a real person, a mafia boss with a wild boy which had a very cute interactions. It is mostly shown a fatherly love but along with the growth of the puppy, it's expected to see a romance imho. Yes, it reminded me of Sha Po Lang in a cutesy way.

Anyway, I love the scenes a lot! And I am thankful to find this manhua as a refreshment. Even though it was because of the hotness and coolness of Papa wolf, but it couldn't be ignored how lovely the puppy as well.

cr: 麻尾

 

2021 Feb
ShaPoLang (Novel) - Dropped

Yes, I dropped the Shapolang after realized that I'm not really into a political conflict that much. I started a year already and it nearly took me a year to finish the half of it but the rest... I must say that the steampunk themed with political issues are not my thing. First, I was hardly able to imagine the arcs and it seemed hard to find any guidance from any fanart. Low-key opinion? Maybe they were also hesitant on how to visualize the story arcs as well. Secondly, the plot itself was too much involving a political strategy which, was a yawn to me. I wasn't too interested with the plot. Another point was, there was this issue of "bone of impurity" which mentioned several times at first but just had explained at the half of story. It felt like I was dragging many questions in my mind and finally able to understand the situation on later chapters.

Anyway, I decided to drop the novel and might continue right after the series came out. I was hesitant on what to read for next, but later on, I regretted nothing.

 

Quickly Wear a Face of Devil (Novel)

cr: Kinokuniya

Comparing to Heaven Official's Blessing, it's really neck-to-neck. The title was "Quickly Wear a Face of Devil" which got me hooked easily from the start of story. Even for Heavens Official Blessing or TGCF, I was quite hesitant to continue at first since the most hooked part was started right when Hua Cheng appeared and it's already ten-to-something chapters. I must finished the first arc first actually.

But for QWFOD, it's really different. It's such a gem to find the quick transmigration novel that is easily hooked during first story/arc. The story is about Zhou Yun Sheng, a genius hacker who was trapped in a system that made him rebirth into many worlds as a villain. He then tried to change his fate and gave the heroine lessons.

A Look Back at The Past: FLY HIGH, MY FLY TO THE SKY...

Halo,

Tinggal beberapa bulan lagi sebelum akhirnya kita merayakan 2nd Anniversary of Living in a Pandemic Life dan ketika gue menemukan notifikasi dari Google Photos yang terlalu berinisiatif membuat video memori beberapa tahun belakangan di minggu-minggu ini, jadilah emosi gue kembali labil terutama waktu gue sadar kalau ternyata,

    I successfully celebrated Fly to The Sky Debut Anniversary by Watching Their Concert in Korea for 2 Times Straight   

 

Left: 19th Anniversary Concert (2018) Right: 20th Anniversary Concert (2019)

It is more like a satisfactory achievement of a fangirl though.

Sebenarnya gue bukan fangirl mereka yang benar-benar ngikutin mereka dari awal (karena gue ga setua itu juga) tetapi gue emang udah tergila-gila dari comeback mereka di 2014 dan sejak itu hidup gue berubah. Semua ini emang gara-gara 너를 너를 너를, sih. Karena gue sadar gue ketinggalan one of greatest singers in Korea, gue pakai sistem sks buat mengejar ketertinggalan gue sebagai seorang fangirl waktu itu. Di masa-masa itu juga cukup menderita bagi gue karena [1] konten mereka kurang sekali [2] international fans mereka itu agak memperihatinkan (kecuali Jepang) jadi beberapa informasi perlu dicerna mentah-mentah aja.

Gue juga inget dan sadar, berdoa supaya mereka konser disini itu terlalu mustahil juga karena bahkan gue kesulitan buat cari fanaccount Indo, apalagi dengan base yang bisa buat promotor ngelirik. Bahkan sampai hari inipun, gue semakin ragu kalau jumlahnya berkembang sih. Ditambah lagi, kpoppers generasi sekarang juga bakal ngerasa kalau mereka ini cocoknya jadi sejarah aja kali ya 😂. Waktu itu keluarlah obsesi gue buat menjadi promotor namun hilang sekejap ketika tahu jadi promotor khususnya KPop Concert itu bakal batin banget. Target market gue terlalu ababil dan cerewet, apalagi target event gue kayaknya ga bakal bikin cuan juga deh.

Di tahun 2017, gue merasa menyesal saat sadar kalau gue baru aja melewatkan konser mereka di tahun itu! Padahal waktunya cuma <2 bulan dari kali pertama gue menjajakkan kaki di Korea waktu itu. Dan ga mungkin dong gue balik lagi hanya demi nonton mereka? Gue tidak setajir itu pada saat itu juga, ditambah visa gue masih single entry, udah gitu gue gapunya jatah cuti yang cukup lagi dan ditambah, gue ga ada teman yang bisa diajak gila bareng buat asal terbang-nonton-pulang gitu aja.

Long story short, di 2018 gue melancong lagi ke Korea 2 kali, di awal dan akhir tahun, tapi jadwalnya agak main tembak aja, toh plan-nya udah dari lama dan ga ada aroma-aromanya FTTS bakal bikin konser lagi. Gue cuma berdoa aja, kalau jodoh gabakal kemana. Dan YES di akhir tahun pas banget jadwal trip gue berbarengan sama jadwal konser mereka. Rasanya itu kayak... susah dijelaskan pokoknya.

Kali pertama nonton konser di Korea, gue agak ga yakin kalo ini experience yang sama yang bakal dirasain kalo nonton konser lainnya sih.

[Continuous] Ceaseless Flame Part 2

This can't be.... She's leaving again??

Aku duduk terdiam di dalam mobil. Berkali-kali aku meneleponnya, tidak ada yang mengangkat. Aku sangat tahu kalau dia sengaja melakukannya.

Sebenarnya apa yang ayahku bicarakan dengan Ellin sampai membuatnya terus-terusan seperti ini?

"Are you happy now?"

William Maier, ayahku, dia menjawab panggilanku tidak lebih setelah 3 dering. Si orang sibuk ini seperti sudah menanti panggilan dariku.

"Is this about that woman?"

"What did you say to her? I clearly warned you not to lay a finger on her!"

"I didn't. We just talked. She's leaving, isn't she? Well, it is her own decision then," nadanya sangat tenang namun aku mendengar sebuah arogansi dan kepuasan dari cara bicaranya. Sesuatu pasti terjadi!

"No,  you threatened her. What was it?"

"Just confirmed some trivial things. Rather than talking about her, why don't you come here to attend the meeting?" 

F*ck him. Di situasi seperti ini siapa yang bernafsu untuk memikirkan masalah perusahaan?

"Father..." Aku tidak bisa menahan betapa geramnya diriku saat ini.

"I always obey you all the time. But for this time, after you rob my freedom all the time, can't you let me live my own life? When will you stop torturing me like this?"

Rasanya selama puluhan tahun hidup, nafasku digenggam kencang olehnya. Apakah aku mengharapkan kalau dia segera pergi dari dunia ini? Tentu saja berkali-kali namun si tua ini seperti diberkati oleh umur panjang. Berkali-kali lolos dari berbagai penyakit dan kecelakaan, seakan mampu melangkahi kematian.

"It doesn't matter anymore what you do, she's still leaving,"

Sesuatu di dalam diriku ingin meledakkan diri dan melempar pukulan ke arahnya. Beruntung jarak kami berjauhan. Dan aku teringat bagaimana aku harus mempertahankan apa yang kupunya dan menjadi yang lebih hebat lagi dari sebelumnya.

"I'll come to office,"

William, dari kejauhan sini, aku bisa merasakan kepuasan dari nada bicaranya, "Good,"

Setelah menutup telepon, aku melihat tidak ada balasan dari Ellin sama sekali. Meneleponnya pun sia-sia. Dia memblokir nomorku. 

Sekitar 3 jam kemudian aku kembali ke kantor. William adalah orang pertama yang kudatangi sebelum ruang kerjaku. Dia sedang bersama sekretarisnya dan langsung menghentikan diskusi saat melihatku masuk.

"We can ask Zachary for help,"  ucapku sambil duduk.

"Really? How so?"

"Sell the Maier logistics, he is interested for buying it,"

Wajah William mulai serius. Dia tidak pernah berpikir sebelumnya, bukan? Maier butuh dana serius, menjual perusahaan lama yang sudah tidak terlalu menguntungkan adalah opsi yang baik.

Zachary adalah sahabat lamaku, salah satu pengusaha yang sangat andal. Kemampuan manajerialnya tidak perlu diragukan dan lagipula, dia sudah berkali-kali menunjukkan keseriusannya untuk membeli perusahaan distribusi Maier.

"That logistic company is burning a large amount of operational cost with only small return. They need a major breakthrough also. It is time to let go. Let us be the sole investor of this mega project,"

"Okay, but you still have to resolve with Dana,"

Aku memperhatikan sekretarisnya yang masih berdiri di samping William setiap saat. Walaupun matanya tidak menatapku, aku yakin dia menyimak pembicaraan kami.

"Will you please get out first?" tanyaku, kepada Ben, sekretaris William.

Dia setuju dan hendak pergi, sebelum akhirnya William menolak dan menahan keberadaannya.

"It's not like you treated your marriage life as a personal matter. You can stay," ujar William kepada Ben.

Di sisi lain, dia hanya ingin menunjukkan bahwa otoritasnya di perusahaan ini tidak pernah bergeming dan semua bertindak atas perintahnya.

Aku tidak percaya dia masih membahas ini. "It's already over, why should I do that?"

"His father is an old friend of mine. Moreover, we still need to join forces with Osborn's,"

"I already signed the divorce paper, my mind is absolute," balasku. "Father, as long as I manage this well, why should we still rely on the Osborn's? Are we that powerless in your perception?"

Dia hanya diam dan bersandar. Sesuatu jelas ditutupi olehnya. 

"Do you want to know what was that girl telling me?"

Jantungku berdegup saat mendengar nama Ellin dari mulutnya. Namun tentu saja aku tidak akan menunjukkan kegugupanku. Dengan tenang aku meliriknya dan menunggu.

"She wanted you just because of your wealth and your looks, she is that one leech without any remarkable beauty. You can find any woman like her everywhere,"

Aku tersenyum mendengarnya. William tidak menyangka akan reaksiku, "She pretty well told the same to me also,"

"Then she's not worthy at all, you will not reap any benefit from her,"

"Even if I was sucked dry by her, no matter what kind of leech she is, as long as I have everything what she wants, then it is fine,"

Tentu saja William geram, mungkin dia berpikir bagaimana bisa anaknya bisa sebodoh ini untuk urusan perempuan. Tetapi akupun tidak berniat untuk mengubah persepsinya terhadap Ellin. Di usia yang hampir menjelang setengah abad, mengapa aku masih memerlukan persetujuan pria tua ini?

"If you still insist, then let's see if she still wants you if you are no longer Maier's heir,"

Aku masih tersenyum dan menutupi reaksiku. "Very well, let's see if you have any better option than I suggest,"

William tersenyum getir. Mungkin dia masih merasa dirinya pebisnis handal, masih memiliki semangat menggebu untuk menopang ambisinya yang luar biasa dan menyokong ego besarnya. Tetapi kondisinya sekarang ini tentu saja sulit untuk tidak berpihak kepadaku. Dia tidak memiliki orang yang bisa dipercaya selain aku. Dia tentu saja membutuhkanku.

Dia tertawa, yang berarti dia mengakui kekalahannya.

"You never once feel defeated, I guessed I taught you well,"

"I only have no fear of losing anymore since I never win against you," aku tersenyum.

Dia mungkin menyadari bahwa selama ini aku selalu membencinya, tetapi di sisi lain, aku sadar bahwa apa yang terjadi kepadaku adalah pembentukannya. Aku tidak pernah takut akan apapun karena aku tahu tidak ada yang lebih menakutkan dibandingkan pria tua ini, this manipulative and cold-blooded evil that is appeared to be my own father. 

"Fine, you're Maier after all," dia tertawa penuh dengan kebanggaan.

*****

[One Shot] Loneliest Day

It was always raining when I met him. But he always went on time, despite the traffic and the heavy rain. I waved at him and started ordering food.

He was a man with a tall and slender figure. His eyelashes were so thick and pretty that made his beauty too stand out. I laughed at myself at first when I realized that I was attracted by someone’s eye like this, a man’s eye.

He smiled and I could perfectly saw that his face was flawless, like a pretty girl. But he was not girly, he moved and acted like a normal guy, I doubted that he was a gay in person.

But since I saw a man who was sitting beside him, I more doubted that he was not really that straight.

It was already our third time of hanging out. I had no many friends to ask for a coffee in a Saturday afternoon, so I found him as a gem that I had to value. It was also very nice to spend time by talking to him, and also staring at such a beauty like him.

“Hi Keane,” I sat next to him and the man that was already beside him.

“Hi, Ty, this is Bryan, I just had some talks with him,”

I glanced at his coffee that was already less than half empty. “Oh? Sorry, did you finish already or should I go somewhere else?” I could see that the man beside Keane was staring at me differently.

“No, we’re just finished but I still have quite a time until my next appointment so I may join you both,” the man answered me instead. “By the way, I’m Bryan Burdough,”

I shook his hand, “Rusty, I am Keane’s desk-mate since middle school,” I introduced myself to him.

Bryan was only nodding and our hands were still shaking. “Nice, so you frequently hangout with Keane here?”

 “No, since we both are coffee enthusiasts, we often seek for a new place to try. This place is the only one that we both approved as the top list in the city. So, since when have you known Keane?”

“Coffee? I also love coffee very much! You can also ask me,” I could sense that this guy was not smiling honestly. He just tried to be friendly to me, or in front of Keane. But I didn’t really like this guy at the first impression.

Still, I tried to be nice since he’s Keane’s acquaintance.

“Sure! So when did you know Keane?” I eagerly wanted to know his answer.

“Same club in universities,” Keane answered instead of him.

“Oh? I see,” I tried to ask at first about their relationship, but I held back. I wondered at how they looked at each other, whether something was between them or I was just hallucinating.

Keane was a beauty but he rarely acted elegantly unlike now. He was responding to the man next to him with a caring eye and I just silently observed their interaction.

This was the first moment that I sensed Keane might not be a straight person. But I also sensed that the guy beside him had a feeling to him also. Or maybe I sensed they both had something between them.

“I just remembered something,” I tried to remind them that I was also here. “Did you happen to know someone who was breaking his heart previously?”

I saw that Keane looked at me furiously when Bryan looked intrigued.

“Breaking his heart… When was it?” Bryan responded me.

“I thought it was 2 or 3 years ago, he suddenly contacted me and his other old friends to hangout with him. I was his desk-mate before so I knew what was he like. He rarely contacted me unless something was up. He spent his time mostly drinking at a bar and getting drunk. Then one day when I sent him home, he cried and talked a lot of things. He told me that he liked someone so much and got rejected. I didn’t understand the rest since he was so wasted,”

Bryan paid attention to each of my talking.

“Well, I didn’t know about this before, and I have no clue who would be also,”

I wanted to assume that Bryan was the one. Then I could see he was wearing a wedding ring on his finger. I actually startled knowing that fact.

“Are you married?” I pointed at the ring.

“Oh? Yes,” but when the ring was the focus, he chose to hide it instead. Something must be bothering him to explain more about his wedding.

Bryan wore a polo shirt and it was unbuttoned around his neck. I saw a necklace he was wearing. I thought I ever saw it before, but I forgot where.

He seemed to have a loving marriage life, I assumed. 

“Kids?” I asked again, and he nodded also.

Well, now I doubted something was between them. Bryan looked like a good husband. Maybe Keane was indeed liking him and the heartbreak was related to his marriage.

But then, Bryan must be lying to have no clue about the confession and rejection. Maybe he just wanted our conversation not to go awkwardly so he lied.

Still, I despised him to reject such a lovely person as Keane.

Time had passed and suddenly Bryan told us that he’s leaving. It was just me and Keane then. We were talking and sharing thought as usual. But something was bothering Keane.

“I didn’t remember you bringing me home,”

“Ah? I left you right in front of the door,” What a liar. I spent most of the night staring at him, hoping that I could bear the pain from him.

I still remembered he was crying in his sleep. He bent over and wrapped himself in his blanket. I lied in his bed beside him until the sunrise. I managed to sneak out before he woke up.

He felt embarrassed, his cheeks were red. “Did I say something?”

“You talked a lot,” I laughed at him. “You wailed at your beloved like a puppy but don’t worry, you were always silent at bar,”

I bet he was a little bit of relieved to know that. Since I was the closest to him, maybe that was the reason he was taking it all out once we’re alone.

“God, that’s embarrassing,”

I was hesitated to ask him, “So, is that him? The one who rejected you?”

He was shocked to hear my question. “Sort of,” what a vague answer.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t know, it’s complicated to say that,”

“I don’t get it,”

“You don’t have to,” he sipped his last coffee.

“Well, can I ask what is your relationship with him?”

He stared at me, maybe he was wondering about how to tell me at first. “That’s the most complicated part,”

I couldn’t help but started to judge him by the eyes. “You HAVE a relationship with him? With a married man, I mean, someone's father?”

He tried to calm me, but I wished I could too. “Hey, want to come to my place? I can make better coffee,”

“Why? You can’t talk about that in an open space like here?”

He nodded and just dragged me to walk along with him. I couldn’t help but to agree. The way we walked was different than the last time I took him home.

Oh, wow. He moved to a better place. I didn’t know he had more money now.

“It’s his place,” he opened the door and said that when I looked around in awe.

“That guy place? Then why are you living here?”

“Hey, don’t judge me, this place is near to everywhere, it has a great view, great space, it’s nice,”

“So you’re sort of his mistress, huh?” I couldn’t wait to google the man. Was he an influential person or how rich was he actually?

“Kind of,” he drank a glass of water then straight to the kitchen. “Still want a coffee?”

“Well, you claimed you make better coffee, so I need to approve it first,”

I sat at the bar stool in front of him but chose to wander around. There was no single photo displayed. The place was neat and full of citrus smell. It’s fresh yet calming, I liked citrus.

“So he usually came here?”

“Yeah,”

“This whole place is still under him or he deliberately gave all to you?”

I could see from afar his smirk. “Officially mine,”

Wow, what a rich-y dick.

“Since when did you two…” Had an affair? But I couldn’t say it loudly.

“Oh, it’s long ago before he was married,”

“You knew it yet you still with him?”

He nodded and smiled bitterly, “He would file for divorce soon,”

[One Shot] The Wonderful Concept of Soulmates

How could I even describe him?

He is not my lover,

Yet he is more than anyone I would care about.

He is not my brother,

Yet our connection are thicker than blood.

He is not just my best friend,

Yet he is the person I want to spend my whole life with the most.

All I know, we are as if one soul and whenever I am with him, I never felt safer than anywhere.

A hand was grabbing the man's hand. He was way older than him and even more experienced, but he got nervous easily. The other man just smiled with a naughty grin,

"You're the best person I ever knew, you'll kill it immediately!"

He was looking at the person who smiled brightly and somehow the happy virus was transmitted to him.

He nodded and the anxiety disappeared in a flash.

But they never let the other hands go. They came up to the stage together. They rocked the stage until the audiences went wild. The hands were holding to each other even until the last bow.

The one who held him, who was younger and taller named Kaz, and the other man named Sho. They hugged and praised to each other endlessly. The energy was too bright and positive. No one really wanted to let them apart when watched the two.

After the performance, Sho had a very high confidence to himself. But Kaz, he realized something was growing. He really admired Sho but even depended on him more than before.

He craved for success, but he must gained it along with Sho, and all that he wanted was how to be success with him too.

Can I never let go of you?

"Don't leave me,"

Kaz was shocked when Sho whispered to him. That was what he yearned to tell him too. How could such a person, with a contrast personality to him, able to complete himself wholly?

"Sho,"

The man whispered back. "You too,"

Both of them, immersed in a crowd of applause, still hugged awkwardly. It took more than a minute to let go of each other when the MC asked them to bow to audience for one last time.

The day after, they met to celebrate their victory. The first project was well executed, all thanks to Sho's unimaginable skill. Kaz took a big part to make the message was delivered. The celebration was mainly to praise both of them.

Kaz was looking at Sho, who was crowded by some groupies and his face was getting dark. Sho was mine only. But then he decided not to think more and joined the group. He quickly replaced the seat next to Sho. He tried to be casually blended in.

Sho smiled wider when he knew Kaz was beside him. He always felt uneasy in a group talk or gathering like this, but Kaz was there to help him, finally. He was more than relieved to see Kaz because the man was a social butterfly. He could rely on him for this kind of ocassion.

It's always like this and without even telling to each other, they both harmonized perfectly. It's amazing when the two realized their existence next to each other was like fated.

Sho tried to hide his relief when Kaz tried to lead the talk but never insisted Sho to join or respond. Sho didn't even hope to be asked and Kaz knew it exactly so he always responded them instead.

It's nice to have Kaz by his side. Sho selfishly thought he would do whatever to make him around. And who would have expected that's also what Kaz always thought too.

As for Kaz, he didn't understand how a social butterfly like him would be obsessed with one person only. Even if he was about to choose between an exciting gathering full of his closest friends with a silent moment with Sho only, it's considered a kind of insult to him actually. There was no place as exciting with no Sho in it. But again, he knew Sho too well. Sho wouldn't want him to miss such a moment as well.

"What are you laughing at?" Someone asked Kaz when he's lost in thought.

"No, I'm just wondering what should we do next?" He stared at Sho and Sho smiled as if he got the answer.

"I am considering to stay," Sho shyly sounded. Kaz liked the idea too much. He just wanted to add another opinion to open the studio but a girl just responded back before he even had a chance.

"There's a world championship event in about a month, I registered you both and I just had the response, you passed the first screening!"

No way! A month is too short!

Kaz was trying to catch a glimpse on Sho. He worried Sho will be overworked again. It happened before and he hated that moment the most. As a perfectionist in nature, Sho always pushed himself to provide the best and he didn't even take care of anything even his health.

"Sho," Kaz was living next to his place so it's natural to walk him home after drinks. It's obvious Sho already put his mind to the event while walking home.

Sho stopped to unlock the door and saw Kaz was standing behind.

"Maybe we should cancel to participate,"

"No, that would be rude," as a good guy in nature, his weakness was to refuse an offer.

"But you should take care of yourself before anything else. Why don't we just settle and open a studio? Isn't it great?"

Sho was amazed at first hearing his offer. Opening his own studio was always his goal. He was hesitating at first to ask Kaz about this since he saw the man's still burning for competition.

"That's great too, but let's promise this to be the last, okay?"

Kaz was greatly worried more. It's true he craved to be the best, but Sho was beyond everything to him. He didn't want to take the risk. Besides, he also dreamed owning a building where he opened a dance studio and a pub at ground floor. He would teach dancing with Sho at noon while also operate a pub at night. Isn't that how people settle down?

While Sho was reminiscing Kaz ever told him that he wanted to be a world class champion. He still remembered his passionate eyes while saying such things. Whatever risk ahead, isn't that worth to die for?

The day after, as if the word of "taking a break" was unknown to him, Sho was seen preparing for the event. Kaz could not bear to look at his beloved. It's so heartbreaking to see how thin he was already. But he knew Sho better, no one could stop him from now on. All Kaz could do was doing his part better.

Papa Kaz, during the preparation everyone would call Kaz this way. He took care of Sho the most, provided everything to support Sho the best. While Sho was pouring all his mind to strategize, Kaz was taking care of Sho's body and routine as a valuable treasure. During these times, Kaz even slept at Sho's to make sure he got a proper life.

Since both were creating such suspicions, a group of staff came over Kaz when he just bought a lunch to them both. It's the same girl who registered them to the event and created the mess. When Kaz was seeing her, he almost coughed up blood but he tried to be calm.

"You're taking care of Sho greatly these days. However... You know... Somehow... You understand, right?"

Kaz frowned. "What?"

The girl didn't know what to say, so she just asked him bluntly, "Why do you have to do such things? They're extremely suspicious of your relationship now. As long as I know you, you're quite distant to such personal matters,"

Kaz just smiled but his aura was so dark. He felt he could kill someone immediately. "I do this simply because I want to, do you have any objection to my doing actually?"

The girl shook her head. "No, but why? What is he to you? Sho is not a baby, he can take care of himself alone,"

That is the most ridiculous statement I ever heard, Kaz thought.

[One Shot] A Wicked Fate

In one of my dreams about you, there was one thing that I liked the most.

It was when you decided to choose me, all over again.

We were separated by fate, being forced to give up on each other, but then again after many exhausting years, I approached you again and you looked into my eyes.

Do you miss me?

You asked me while grinning. I was getting panicked on what to answer you. There's no a single word right enough to explain what I felt all this time.

Too much.

I stupefied by your presence, yet my mind went blank. I could remember all the pain that I had to endure, but once I looked at you again, it all went away. Only good memories left between us in my mind.

Even though I knew you had someone beside you, but you still embraced me. This kind of you, the wicked you, the bad you, I would gladly accept it in my arms.

But that's the worst part. You were never that bad which made me realized that it was just a dream. You already had a lover, that's a fact. And this half-like reality was the kind of dreams that I hoped to become true. I was too afraid to open my eyes to end this dream.

Was it wrong to fancy you like this?

I still remembered the days of our best times. I was too madly in love with you at that time. You were seeing me as another rebellious teen, but you always took care of me. You were hesitant to accept my confession at first. I understood why. 

You were worried if you wasted my youth for an elder like you. I never thought the 10 years age gap was a matter. After all, I was more matured than you. You were happened to born earlier than me but it's still a great blessing that we met each other. So age gap was not acceptable reason to reject me.

And to think that I would waste my youth with you was another nonsensical reason. But again, it must be tough times for you being chased by me back then. I was too persistent and did not accept to your rejection many times. Oddly enough, I was acting immature whenever I was around you.

You gave up eventually and agreed to make me your lover. That was the happiest time of my life. I knew your caring and attention to me was love too, and it was the only matter of time to acknowledge it. And I had to say, being your lover maybe the purpose of my life.

You were a sanctuary and I was your worshiper. I was devoted to you ever since we first met, and you could see how passionate I was at that time. My feelings for you grew bigger over time without a sign of weakened.