[One Shot] Longing for You

I nervously went to the room. It was exactly the same venue as mentioned in the invitation.

And here I was. The big sign showed this would be the C High School '97 Class Reunion. I was coming too early, there were only just a bunch of staffs from the hotel who were running their errands. I decided to go out and looked for anyone I could recognize. But none of them I barely knew so I just went out for a smoke. I went to another building rooftop, quite far away from the hotel just in case to avoid people.

I texted any old friend that I still got contacted with, they were all still on the way.

Oh well, it seemed I was the only one who's being too eager to attend this kind of event.

As much as I smoked, I felt my chest so stuffed. My mind was getting messier when I looked at the time. In any minute, any hour or any time, it would finally happen anyway.

What would she wear, what would she look like now, 

I knew exactly how my mind was so filled with a lot of imagination. Of her. Of Edith. My first crush I had on high school. A lovely girl with a warm smile and sweet dimples. Whenever I thought of her, I could feel again a burning passion of my younger self.

It had been 25 years yet I still could remember anything, especially how I secretly had a crush on her.

I thought I could forget her easily. I thought it was just a puppy love that I could simply let go of. But even after all these years, whenever I thought of her and our silly time, I realized I lived longing for such memories to reoccur.

After finishing half pack, I decided it was time for me to appear to the event. Being late for half an hour would make my friends think I was quite reluctant to join the reunion. I made sure they already came so that I would be in the crowd.

I greeted them one by one, looked to their well-suited appearance. Everyone had lived their best lives too, I supposed. And I knew exactly their aims to attend this event. To compare our achievement with each other. Even though I hated such idea, I didn't mind as long as I had achieved my goal to be here.

To meet Edith and have a view of her well-being.

I excused myself first to get a drink. In fact, I was looking everywhere to see her presence. I looked at many faces and didn't get to find anyone who had familiar face. I made sure she confirmed herself to attend the reunion, but where was she?

Perhaps she was late. Or perhaps she just went somewhere, but I would not leave this place before I met her.

When I joined back to my friends, one of them, Eric suggested something that's brilliant. He asked if it's okay if we gathered with the girls from our class. Everyone okayed and it's been decided while I didn't give my opinion yet. It's a very great idea in fact, it's the best thing that ever came from her mouth. He was the clown of the class, he was friendly to anyone too but typically, the kind of him was suck at studying. All he did was joking around during school.

Before we could meet with everyone, the MC had informed us to take our seats because the main event was about to start. Eric told us to secure our places first and for the girls too then he was gone to search them. We were all agreed and scattered ourselves to reserve for about thirty-something spots.

I anxiously sat and looked for a sight of someone.

In anytime, I would get a chance to meet her. 

What would I do if I really saw her today? Should I greet her properly? Or should I talk to her casually, like the way we did before? Should I give her a smile first or a greet first? What kind of topic I should bring out first? About her job? her families? her hobbies?

The more I was drowned by my own thoughts, the nervousness was getting at its peak. I hoped I didn't mess our meeting after all, not with my awkward self.

And there they were, the girls from our class. I could see them walking and take their own seats. And absolutely, I saw her also among the girls.

She was... as beautiful as I remembered. Perhaps it's from my subjective view no matter how she became, I would still think her a beauty.

One thing for sure, she reminded me of how much we aged. She was no longer young, but so was I. She looked mature and elegant in her own way. She might a bit clumsy but her friendliness radiated from the way she greeted everyone, including me.

She asked me, how are you.

She sat quite close to me, it's two seats away in front of me. That's the best seat I should be thankful for. Another seat away would make her far from my sight, let alone talking.

"Good," I knew she couldn't hear me well from here.

Because our distance was not good to start a conversation, I could only take a glance as long as I could. I noticed how attentive she was during our group talk. She listened to everyone and took a turn to join the talk.

[One Shot] What if I Really Like You

Everyone said I was so blessed for having him in my life. But did I really feel the same?

 "What's your relationship with him?"

Relationship? Let's see. There were many terms we could opt. But I personally felt we didn't really fit to any of existing term thus I could only gave her a smile first.

"For now, I want to keep it this way," after a long pause, I decided to explain. Honestly, I didn't know as well.

"Don't you like him?"

"As a friend? Absolutely. As a big brother? Undoubtedly," she waited for my next word and I just stopped right there.

"What if one day he tell you that he likes you?"

"Did he ever tell you that?" I looked at her. She was keeping her expression good enough. I couldn't tell at all, or perhaps I didn't want to expect anything either.

"What do you want me to answer it?"

"I don't want to know," I looked cool on the outside, but actually I was shivered enough until my hands were shaken.

No way. "Anyway, he won't have a nerve to say that. He's waiting for me,"

"Waiting you to ask first?"

"Maybe," I tried to be confident though I was not really sure. But let me put a faith first. "All that I know, we don't want to change anything between us for now,"

"If anyone ask him what are you to him, what do you want him to reply?"

I grinned. "He knew what to reply already,"

She then looked at Louis, who was queuing to order the food instead of us. "I asked him once, a long time ago," Edith and me had a job to secure our seat since the cafe was so full and crowded. I would bring the food once they're ready.

"And what did he say?"

"Same thing," she smirked. This girl really knew how to made some nerves.

"If we're really in a relationship and getting committed, what if one day we have a change of heart and then lose each other?"

I finally told her my utmost fear.

"You may think I am not your best person to discuss about this issue, but you remind me of a quote, what is meant for you will come to you,"

"And that's exactly why I want to keep it like now instead. If he was meant for me, he will never go anywhere else,"

"Well, that's not wrong either, but what if someone snatches him away from you? Are you really okay with that? You can't really forbid him since you're no other than just friend. Anyway, considering your dark past with women, I'm not sure if he would stay any longer,"

I also asked the same too. Did he even think that I had a feeling with him? Even if I told him now, would he believe me?

Another fear that I had was adding up. He knew exactly that I only dated women in the past. I never showed my interest with men, well, I wasn't even sure yet. But one thing for sure, I don't want to lose him. Not now, not even in the future.

When Louis came to our seats, he threw the receipt on the table, giggled. Edith surely asked what made him looked like that.

"The cashier guy was just called me mon cherie, thinking that I was French," he smiled widely, looking satisfied.

"You're that happy when people think you have a French face?"

"I never heard anyone complimented me like that, but he called me that because of how I pronounce myself like a French, not because of the face though," his face was darken. 

I was more than annoyed when I saw the cashier was stealing glance towards him. I wanted to stare back at him but I didn't want Louis to realize it. He was indeed cute and irresistible, but he was mine to begin with.

He was mine. But on what ground?

How to tell anyone to not touch him or even take a second glance at him?

 "Anyway, what did you say about your plan next week?" I just changed topic right away.

He was always pumped up to talk about his holiday. "It's another beach party, there's a place that Olin recommended and she takes care of everything already,"

But next week was his birthday.

"You don't really have to come, we can meet up later," Louis knew that I hated party and beach. Beach party was never my thing. But once again, it was his birthday.

"I had other arrangement on that day, but I will join you later,"

"Really?" His puppy eyes were sparkling.

I nodded. "But I can't stay long,"

"That's fine," he shook his head and still cutely smiled.

I patted his head. Every time I patted, it was gentle and affectionate. I made sure that he knew how much I treasured him. Like even if he did everything I hated the most, I didn't care at all.

As long as it's you. Right, as long as it's still you.

That cashier was still looking at us when I glanced at him. I caught his eyes and he just turned away quickly.

We sent Edith home first then I drove to Louis place after that. He turned on the radio and the songs played were all about love. It's Saturday night though. Even the talk session was about love counseling session with the listeners. Louis was listening attentively as if he was immersed in such romantic scene. I didn't dare to talk to him just to be ignored.

Even when we arrived at his place, he didn't want to get off from the seat.

The story was about a girl with his crush who befriended with her since high school. They were so close at least until one day the boy had a girlfriend on his campus and she didn't want him to get close with another girl. They started to drift away and she asked whether she made a wrong move from the start. Would things go right if she confessed even it's quite late?

Louis looked at me, but when I looked back at him, I was at loss of words. "What?"

"Aren't you listening too?" He was upset.

"To what? Oh," I knew what he asked, but I didn't have a heart to voice out my thought. "Um..."

"Forget it," he then grumpily got out of the car and walked to his place.

I followed him since it's still early to me to go home so I should hang around more. "You're upset,"

"No, you're just too ignorant,"

"Of what? I was driving," after getting in I pushed myself to the bed. He then went around to change his clothes.

He started to take off his shirt, then his pants, then went to his closet and grabbed a white oversized t-shirt. He then sat next to me while I couldn't take my eyes off of him from the very start. He had a petite body and a slender figure. With just one push I could top him easily, didn't he know that already?

If he did, why would he even dare to be topless and sitting this close to me on his bed too?

"Okay just tell me, what is it then?" I begged him to stop, stop teasing me like this.

Unintentionally, I leaned myself closer to him until I could sense his nice smell. He liked fruity perfume on his clothes and today it's citrus. I bet it's his favorite after all.

He finally wore his t-shirt but it still exposed his collarbone since the size was too oversized to him. I could not look away from this kind of view. My hands were slowly reaching him. I already tried hard not to top him at this position actually.

I even could feel my breath was getting harder than usual. My heart was pounding hard. I could only hope he didn't notice it.

"I don't have the mood to talk it again. Just forget it,"

"No, no. Tell me," I must be lying if my eyes were not trying to expose his neck and his beautiful line of veins. What would happen if I grip his neck only to get closer to my lips so that I could taste his scent more?

My hands were finally losing senses and reaching his arms. Both of them. In just an instant, I pushed his body and I topped him. He was now below me, looking too pitiful and helpless. If I wanted, I could do whatever to him. And I wanted to taste every part of his body scent now.

"I insist," I tried hard to look only at his eyes only while those lips of him was looking plump and inviting me to devour wholly. I didn't notice at first he was using a lip balm to make those lips pink and... tempting. Was he initially tempting me?

He tried to get away from this awkward position, but still, I was stronger and bigger than him. He was a just a small deer for this old and hungry tiger. When he realized there's no way to get away from this, he just sighed.

"There's a girl, she has a crush on his old friend, and his new girlfriend ask him to stop meeting her. She then asks whether to confess or not,"

"Why didn't she confess at first?"

"Maybe she's afraid of losing his friend,"

"But finally she lost him too,"

"That's why she asks, is it still necessary to confess or not,"

"Will her confession make things better?"

"What do you think?" He asked me as if he really asked me, my heart and my whole person.

"What do YOU think?" I asked back to him.

"If I were her, I won't tell a soul,"

"Why?"

"If the boy had feelings for her, he would never have a girlfriend. Confessing won't make him come back to her. The world had given her the biggest reason to move on and find new happiness,"

I was staring at him all the time, from this top view. I now realized how much I was craving for this kind of view.

"But he would never know her feelings at the end,"

He nodded. "It's better than being rejected by your beloved, at least to me,"

"Is it?" I was wondering, was he really looking for a sign from me? From the very start until now, did he not realize my feelings yet?

What should I do to make him finally tell me, that he likes me?

This old tiger, after getting weaker by the scent of his prey, felt that his arms were no longer holding a strength. In no time he would let the gravity pull his whole body pressed to the prey. If that happened, the old tiger could not also hold his desire to devour this little deer.

Or, did he just try to flirt with me, since he undressed himself in front of me to even wearing this kind of shirt that was revealing-not revealing his body line?

Did I fall for his trap already?

Was he the tiger and I was nothing more than the little deer to him instead?

I finally threw myself off of him, lying next to him. Feeling weak and helpless, just like I thought the prey would be. It turned out that I was the prey, and I almost fell to his trap.

"Let me sleep here for tonight, I'm too tired to go home,"

"Get off your nasty socks first," he kicked my butt.

I reached my feet and threw them right to his face. "You like it,"

"I don't, I hate,"

"Hate me?"

"Yes, you too," he must be lying.

"I like it when you hate me, hate me more then,"

Even when I was feeling weak and defenseless, I could not set my eyes off of him. It's like my whole view was reserved for this person.

"Would love to," he smirked like a little devil, and that's the last thing I saw for tonight.