[One Shot] For You, My Lover...

I could not even believe on what I saw just now.

"That's just... it?"

The person in front of me was sitting while holding his laughter. He nodded or mocked, only God knew it best.

"I must say that was because your requirements were quite... invincible,"

I frowned. Where did it go wrong?

"You should be thankful for only choosing 2 out of 3, that means only the unlucky one to be excluded," he just patted my head like a child. Unlike me, he got tons of application for his team.

"This is a large-scale competition, we should represent our school with the best candidate. Anyone to be selected based on his capability, not luck,"

"Sure, but still, good luck, then," He just nodded without really listened. He looked at the 3 sheets of application of mine. I snatched them all and just left the room.

I had only 2 weeks to prepare for my own team, so I called each of the applicants to have a session immediately. Since we would become a team, I already set some expectation that they had to meet.

Someone named Marcus was agreed to have interview after his basketball training. He was the first year student, 2 years younger than me. I walked to the hall and sat calmly on the free seat. A group of people were still on training, but they were about to finish. Around 10 minutes later, a person came up to me. He was way taller than me but he had a baby-face type. His sweats were distracting me and pushing me quite away from him.

"So why did you apply to be on my team?"

"My friend did, I thought he put his name but it's mine instead, sorry,"

F*ck. "But do you think you're qualified to join?"

"What is it about again?"

I hated myself realizing I just wasted my time to be here.

"It's a quiz competition," the smile that I put on was even too fake. I held my breath to calm myself.

"What kind of quiz?" another dumb question from him might cause him a punch in the eye.

"Everything. You are expected to know anything since it's random,"

He looked uninterested, I really wanted to leave in an instant.

"Well, thank you for your time, tell your friends not to pull any prank like this, it's not fun, really,"

"Hey," when I sat up from my seat, he called in a very loud voice. "I am good with quiz, though,"

I turned my back, smiled wider than ever. "But you have no intention to join the competition, right?"

"Who said that?" he then came forward and stood in front of me. Even though he's younger, he had a tall figure just like any other basketball athlete.

Not even an academic student.

"So, are you interested to join?" I asked one more time.

"Yes, I don't like it when I get rejected, like now,"

I kept my attitude enough to him. I held the application letter that I brought anywhere tightly. "There are other applicants that is more determined and qualified than you. I will consider it after I interview them all,"

He peeked at the files I kept, "You seemed to have not that many choices though. I am good with sports, I bet you need my knowledge as well,"

Well, he's quite right. "Yes, I will consider that too then,"

Since a sight of him annoyed me too much, I just wanted to go away quickly of him. But this one persistent child just followed me anywhere I went. I stopped him when he really followed me behind.

"What are you doing?" as a nice senior, I still tried to keep calm.

"I wanted to see all the applicants,"

"Who said you could do that?"

"I want to make sure they are not even better than me,"

Huh. Such a narcissist. "I have your number, I will let you know the result if you're selected, or you can wait at the announcement later,"

"But I don't have yours," he pulled out his phone and threw it to me. What a nice move to ask for a number.

"You will have it once I text you," I returned the phone.

"I can't wait. I have anxiety disorder, that's not good for my health,"

I looked at him, suspiciously. I did not believe anything he said. He had that prankster look. I knew he just teased me.

"No, just count the sheep if you can't sleep tonight,"

"Can't I call you instead? I don't like dreaming sheep,"

"Hey," I called him. "You're aware I am way older than you, and I am the one that will determine whether you're passed or not, right?" that meant, once you messed with me, you're no to go.

"Hey, trust me, you need me. What about this, you give me your number, then we will have a trial first, if I fail, then it's okay, you can select anyone as you wish,"

I frowned. Something felt not right, but I couldn't identify it at all. It's like I was manipulated by him already. I had no way to reject him for now, so I just gave him my number.

"Eh? Not ringing?"

I gave him the wrong number intentionally. But I didn't expect him to call right away.

"My battery is dead,"

"But it's connecting," he checked on me.

"Am I pressing a wrong number?" I took his phone one more time. This boy was not to mess. I bet he had a brain too.

But this time, he didn't call it again. It's as if he knew I gave him the right one. And I really gave him my number.

Only after when his friend called, then he sent me a goodbye. I was relieved after that. This boy would be a no, never.

But the other two were disaster. Was it really a trend to apply other person's names as a prank? Was it something funny to them?

After calling the other two, they simply refused to join and said that it's not them that applied.

Instead of taking out someone, now I needed anyone to fill the empty seat. It could be anyone but where should I find that kind of person?

But before I even had to think on how to look at first, someone knocked the door and peeked at the room.

"Excuse me," he did not even let his body part to come inside. I could only see his head at the door. "I saw the poster on the wall that you're recruiting team for a quiz competition. Is it still open?"

"Yes," I could not hide my excitement. Finally I found someone who was willing. "Come in let me interview you first,"

He sat in front of me as I instructed. He had a good manner, well, my first impression was already satisfied.

"I never saw your face before, which class are you from?"

So his name was Heinrich, a transfer student that moved in to the city just a week ago. He said he had participated in similar competition and won 3rd place. I was ecstatic to hear that, it meant I found a gem.

So I decided to test his skill. I had some samples of question from previous year and tested to him. Well, he almost got everything right. Finding him made me look forwards for a glory of my team.

I shook his hands, "Welcome to the team," I smiled to him widely. He then asked for another member. I reached my phone and called the bastard to come to the room.

Marcus came not too long after that and peeked at Heinrich. He did not talk much but just sat beside Heinrich. He then saw the lists of question sample that I left at the desk in front of us and then smirked. He looked satisfied that he got admitted without even being questioned.

"You're the transfer student, right?"

Heinrich nodded to Marcus. "We're from the same class,"

I was not really interested but quickly responded, "Oh? That's nice, you two will get along well,"

"No, I don't really know him, but nice to meet you, bro," he pulled Heinrich hands and shook him hard.

"Okay then, welcome to the team for both of you. We have 2 weeks to prepare for the competition and I beg you to come here everyday after school to exercise, is that okay for you both?"

"Not okay, I have training every Monday and Wednesday," Marcus was one of basketball team, his excuse was reasonable.

"Mine is fine," Heinrich responded with a wide smile.

"Great," I talked to Heinrich. "And for you, no problem, but you need to catch up," I switched to Marcus.

"But how can I do that?"

 

"There will be piles of cheat sheet you need to memorize by yourself then I will test you the day after, so be prepared,"

Marcus sighed. He signaled such disagreement.

"Just so you know, I am quite a tough person and take this competition seriously. I expect you both to get serious and be prepared from now on. If you have any complaint, please inform me now," I warned them.

"No, I'm fine, I am okay with everything," Heinrich smiled to me. His enthusiasm made me moved.

Then I looked at Marcus. "I'm fine too," he was less aggressive as before.

"Great, here is the first cheat sheet for you both, memorize them well and see you tomorrow,"

I stood up but both of them still unmoved. I looked at them, I meant we're dismissed for today. But both of them still reluctant to go.

"Is there any else you want to say?"

"Let's have a dinner first for welcoming our new team," Marcus pulled Heinrich and mine to get off the room.

No, no, I wasn't that social person. I wasn't used to any social activity too. I tried hard to reject Marcus many times but he still grabbed my arm and circled his arms around my shoulder so that I would not go anywhere. Heinrich was following from behind and giggling. He looked fine with it.

We finally arrived at a place that Marcus directed to. After we chose a seat and placed order, Marcus and Heinrich did not make any sound which made us too awkward. So I planned to break the ice.

"So Heinrich, why decided to move here?" I hadn't asked him during interview before.

He leaned his back until finally voiced out, "I tried to follow the path of someone I admired here,"

"So you knew someone?"

He nodded. "But he might not remember me,"

I didn't understand, "What do you mean? But how did you know he didn't remember you?"

He put his smile. "I am just nobody to him,"

"Is he someone from our school?"

He nodded. "Moron, didn't you listen to him? If that guy wasn't from our school, he wouldn't bother transfer here," Marcus was really too straight forward.

"There's another possibility he already graduated though," I justified myself to not look too stupid at Marcus.

Heinrich laughed, "You're right but he's still a student here too,"

"Is he someone I know?"

 

Heinrich just smiled, as if he couldn't even answer it easily as a simple yes or no. "Someone great actually. It took me a great effort to be accepted here. My grades were bad at first, so I had no choice to study harder than ever. I didn't know this school had a really high standard and requirement at first,"

Marcus laughed. "I never took the entrance exam,"

"Yes, a talented stupid like you should be grateful," I sneered at Marcus. What a show-off. Everything that he talked always provoked me.

Then I looked at Heinrich once more. "So, how great was he to change you like that? Any name?"

He just smiled. "I bet a few names would pop out of your mind now?"

I thought hard. "A great person with great personality too... is it Kevin?"

Heinrich didn't respond at all. So even though I mentioned the right person, he wouldn't give me any clue then.

"Name is not really important, I am more curious on why you decided to follow him like that. What is your goal?"

He looked at me shyly but seriously. "I wanted to support him. I wanted to make sure he get everything he wanted in his life. I wanted to..." he decided not to talk anymore.

"But why? Is he some kind of a role model to you?" I asked him further. That kind of thought really didn't make sense to me.

"He's like Adrien James to me," Marcus mentioned someone that I vaguely remembered his name was written on the alumni wall of honor. I also remembered his name was quite known in basketball world which was not my interest.

"What about you? What is your goal to study here?" Heinrich passed the question to me.

"I don't know yet, I don't have anyone to adore or a role model like you both,"

"What is your dream then?" What is my dream...? 

 

I want everything.

[One Shot] Loneliest Person

Something about him that made me intrigued.

Or something about his eyes that made me unmoved.

Or even something about his presence that made me gone crazy.

I tried to resist myself whenever I was always around him. I tried to be his best friend at all, not more or less. I just wanted to be as normal as others. But when I heard a rumor about him, I could not even try not to think about it.

It was when some of my friends warned me when they saw me getting quite close to him. 

I was about to meet him for a quick lunch before class was starting. They came in group and tried to ask me to join the lunch with them. I instantly rejected them because I had plans earlier. Then they frowned and asked me to keep a distance with him.

"Just you two? Dude, let me suggest you not to hang out too often with him. I heard he's gay and that will affect your image too. I don't know if it's true or not, but just stay away from him, yeah?"

I was angry and about to punch him right away. But still, I kept my sanity and be calm. "Where did you hear about it?"

"From his high school mate, it's quite known so that's why none of them really hang around with him,"

"What's wrong with that? It's not like he likes you though," I unconsciously defended him. It's not fair even for anyone not only him.

"Dude, seriously?" after he gave me a sneer, most of his friends made the same face.

"I don't think that's a valid reason to avoid someone," I raised an eyebrow. I thought after many years, people were more open minded and really didn't worry about it anymore.

We were still living at the same old-fashioned society after all.

They finally gave up to persuade me so they finally left. I hurriedly ran towards him knowing that I was late. He already spared a seat and the lunch when I got there. I sat after patted his shoulder.

"Sorry, did you wait long?"

He shook his head. "Not at all. Here's yours. Quick, we need to go to class early, I haven't finished my task,"

"You can see mine,"

"Of course, that's why I bought you this," he pointed at the fancy tuna sandwich in front of me. It was our favorite, sometimes I wondered when would I get sick of this meal. But perhaps I would never feel that since I was always eating with the person beside me, someone that I would never be sick of.

"Hey, K," I called him as natural as I could be.

"What?" he was usually a sweet person, but when I was late, he always became annoying.

"No drinks for me?" I noticed only 1 water bottle on the table.

"You don't bring yours? Go buy yourself then," he just focused on eating.

I saw the queue and looked away again. The canteen was always crowded during the class break time. That's why Keane always hated when we were late even for a minute. I then grabbed his bottle and took a gulp. He shocked by my action and threw a death stare.

"Now you go or you'll choke," I teased him, but when I expected him to laugh it off, he just looked gloomier than before. I took the initiative to go away before his mad worsened.

I bought him, a lot more than what I drank. I gave him not only a water, but juice, milk, and even coffee. Those were for us.

"It's all yours,"

"You son of a b-, how can I take all of them?"

I giggled. I teased him more. I didn't give him plastic bag and I was sure he did not have one either. There's no way he could put all of them to his bag, even if he could, it would only tear his bag apart or gave him a back-pain.

"Really? Then I will help you take this," I took a bottle and drank it up. "Done, now you do yours," I already finished my sandwich so I had a lot of time to stare at him.

" F- you," he looked totally annoyed, but that made him a lot cuter than ever.

Oh, wait. Did I say he was cute? What was I thinking, really?

I suddenly remembered the rumor and took one more time to observe him. Was it true? If yes, then it meant he already had a boyfriend, right? Or how did they know? Was it when he confessed to a boy then got rejected? How come anyone ever found out about it?

Was it okay if I asked him right away?

Then I called Maria, she was the girl that I recently dated with. I wanted to see his reaction first. I used such a sweet word to her, and promised her to take on a date during weekend. It was actually kind of cringe, let alone having him to listen wholly. He didn't bat an eye, I noticed he really ignored me.

Yeah, he was not that kind of person too whose usually interfered other business, and I wasn't usually comfortable when someone involved in my personal business.

"I had a plan with Maria this weekend, what about you?"

He still munched his meal, what a sloth. "Nothing, why?"

"No date?"

He shook his head.

"Hangout with friends?"

He shook his head again. "I think I'm not in the mood. Why are you asking?"

"Then you can help me to arrange for my date!" I booked him for friday night. He just rolled his eye, so I assumed as an okay.

I decided to get closer to him whenever I could. I tried to search for a hint whether the rumor was true or not. It's not because I was disturbed if it turned out that he was gay, all I wanted to know was what kind of person he liked.

It would be very nice if he really liked a guy, though. I felt a sigh of relief only by the thought of that. If it's another thing called happiness, shouldn't I reach it more?

KinnPorsche The Series, The Highest Bar of Thai BL Series Ever

Hi!

Even though I'd like to have a BL milestone throughout the year, I feel this one deserves a post alone. If you're fujoshi or a BL fan, this series is a must-watch.

Honestly, I followed this since the cast introduction but I didn't really pay attention since I didn't want to get my hope up. You know, some of Thai BLs could end up bad so I used to lower my expectation. BUT THIS, you could even put it as high as you could since to the very end, it's legit. The first trailer (the pre production version) was even quite different than the final cut, but again, it's way better. There were many up and down for the series to be finally released, but it's all worth it now.

This is a masterpiece.

Of all Thai BLs that I've watched, I couldn't remember which series that could be in par in terms of quality. Let's say about cinematography, plot, acting, and even music. Oh my God, I just loved the series very much and I'd like to express a highest appreciation for the whole team.

Anyway, even though this was posted as "recommendation" and I do recommend you all to watch this series immediately, I wanted to warn you on some spoilers on this post since I personally post this as a journal of my journey with the series too. So, be prepared!

Now let's take a look at the poster.

What a nice view, right? So... Here I present you....

Kinn Porsche The Series: La Forte!

It's 21+ rated and you can watch the uncut version on iQiyi. Broadcasted every Sunday 12.00 AM and I followed each episode since the first release so far and it's been a hell of a roller coaster ride. I lived in agony for 3 months already but still, I loved it very much. It's a mafia themed story and it's about a relationship between the head of mafia, Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakul who was the 2nd son of the Major Mafia Family and his newly bodyguard, Porsche Pachara Kittisawad. The series was based on a novel with the same title. Every week whenever the episode was released, it became the hottest topic on Twitter. There's no way for a BL enthusiast to skip this moment, really.

I noticed the fandom was growing over time. Since it's released later during the release of Cutie Pie series, they were being compared. But hey, I also anticipated Cutie Pie series since the first trailer, but after the pilot episode I dropped it right away. It turned out to be a kind of BL series I tend to avoid, with unnecessary fluff and cheesy scenes everywhere, i.e how they faced each other too close like they were about to kiss but it's just them talking to each other. There were also messy plot and poor acting problem that would make you irritated. I sometimes wondered, did they think we as fujoshis would just accept anything and get hype about it as long as a guy was with another guy? Well, maybe yes if they're hot or good looking enough but there's a matter of preference too. So why don't you just put a little more effort to cast a skilled actor, create a decent plot and hire a competent director?

And now I finally have the easiest way to suggest. Why don't you just look at what they do in KinnPorsche?

When I watched the pilot episode of KinnPorsche, I was quite surprised. Here's why.

On the pilot episode, they built the plot quite fast and it's good enough to make it a first base. They portrayed the mafia background in an elegant way and introduced the conflict right away. There was even a fight scene between Kinn and Porsche in a cruise ship and it's fascinating! I loved how they really put a great effort on the setting and every detail in the shot. I must be exaggerating to crown them as a first class quality, but I never saw anything like this on BL genre especially for Thailand series.

[One Shot] Longing for You

I nervously went to the room. It was exactly the same venue as mentioned in the invitation.

And here I was. The big sign showed this would be the C High School '97 Class Reunion. I was coming too early, there were only just a bunch of staffs from the hotel who were running their errands. I decided to go out and looked for anyone I could recognize. But none of them I barely knew so I just went out for a smoke. I went to another building rooftop, quite far away from the hotel just in case to avoid people.

I texted any old friend that I still got contacted with, they were all still on the way.

Oh well, it seemed I was the only one who's being too eager to attend this kind of event.

As much as I smoked, I felt my chest so stuffed. My mind was getting messier when I looked at the time. In any minute, any hour or any time, it would finally happen anyway.

What would she wear, what would she look like now, 

I knew exactly how my mind was so filled with a lot of imagination. Of her. Of Edith. My first crush I had on high school. A lovely girl with a warm smile and sweet dimples. Whenever I thought of her, I could feel again a burning passion of my younger self.

It had been 25 years yet I still could remember anything, especially how I secretly had a crush on her.

I thought I could forget her easily. I thought it was just a puppy love that I could simply let go of. But even after all these years, whenever I thought of her and our silly time, I realized I lived longing for such memories to reoccur.

After finishing half pack, I decided it was time for me to appear to the event. Being late for half an hour would make my friends think I was quite reluctant to join the reunion. I made sure they already came so that I would be in the crowd.

I greeted them one by one, looked to their well-suited appearance. Everyone had lived their best lives too, I supposed. And I knew exactly their aims to attend this event. To compare our achievement with each other. Even though I hated such idea, I didn't mind as long as I had achieved my goal to be here.

To meet Edith and have a view of her well-being.

I excused myself first to get a drink. In fact, I was looking everywhere to see her presence. I looked at many faces and didn't get to find anyone who had familiar face. I made sure she confirmed herself to attend the reunion, but where was she?

Perhaps she was late. Or perhaps she just went somewhere, but I would not leave this place before I met her.

When I joined back to my friends, one of them, Eric suggested something that's brilliant. He asked if it's okay if we gathered with the girls from our class. Everyone okayed and it's been decided while I didn't give my opinion yet. It's a very great idea in fact, it's the best thing that ever came from her mouth. He was the clown of the class, he was friendly to anyone too but typically, the kind of him was suck at studying. All he did was joking around during school.

Before we could meet with everyone, the MC had informed us to take our seats because the main event was about to start. Eric told us to secure our places first and for the girls too then he was gone to search them. We were all agreed and scattered ourselves to reserve for about thirty-something spots.

I anxiously sat and looked for a sight of someone.

In anytime, I would get a chance to meet her. 

What would I do if I really saw her today? Should I greet her properly? Or should I talk to her casually, like the way we did before? Should I give her a smile first or a greet first? What kind of topic I should bring out first? About her job? her families? her hobbies?

The more I was drowned by my own thoughts, the nervousness was getting at its peak. I hoped I didn't mess our meeting after all, not with my awkward self.

And there they were, the girls from our class. I could see them walking and take their own seats. And absolutely, I saw her also among the girls.

She was... as beautiful as I remembered. Perhaps it's from my subjective view no matter how she became, I would still think her a beauty.

One thing for sure, she reminded me of how much we aged. She was no longer young, but so was I. She looked mature and elegant in her own way. She might a bit clumsy but her friendliness radiated from the way she greeted everyone, including me.

She asked me, how are you.

She sat quite close to me, it's two seats away in front of me. That's the best seat I should be thankful for. Another seat away would make her far from my sight, let alone talking.

"Good," I knew she couldn't hear me well from here.

Because our distance was not good to start a conversation, I could only take a glance as long as I could. I noticed how attentive she was during our group talk. She listened to everyone and took a turn to join the talk.

[One Shot] What if I Really Like You

Everyone said I was so blessed for having him in my life. But did I really feel the same?

 "What's your relationship with him?"

Relationship? Let's see. There were many terms we could opt. But I personally felt we didn't really fit to any of existing term thus I could only gave her a smile first.

"For now, I want to keep it this way," after a long pause, I decided to explain. Honestly, I didn't know as well.

"Don't you like him?"

"As a friend? Absolutely. As a big brother? Undoubtedly," she waited for my next word and I just stopped right there.

"What if one day he tell you that he likes you?"

"Did he ever tell you that?" I looked at her. She was keeping her expression good enough. I couldn't tell at all, or perhaps I didn't want to expect anything either.

"What do you want me to answer it?"

"I don't want to know," I looked cool on the outside, but actually I was shivered enough until my hands were shaken.

No way. "Anyway, he won't have a nerve to say that. He's waiting for me,"

"Waiting you to ask first?"

"Maybe," I tried to be confident though I was not really sure. But let me put a faith first. "All that I know, we don't want to change anything between us for now,"

"If anyone ask him what are you to him, what do you want him to reply?"

I grinned. "He knew what to reply already,"

She then looked at Louis, who was queuing to order the food instead of us. "I asked him once, a long time ago," Edith and me had a job to secure our seat since the cafe was so full and crowded. I would bring the food once they're ready.

"And what did he say?"

"Same thing," she smirked. This girl really knew how to made some nerves.

"If we're really in a relationship and getting committed, what if one day we have a change of heart and then lose each other?"

I finally told her my utmost fear.

"You may think I am not your best person to discuss about this issue, but you remind me of a quote, what is meant for you will come to you,"

"And that's exactly why I want to keep it like now instead. If he was meant for me, he will never go anywhere else,"

"Well, that's not wrong either, but what if someone snatches him away from you? Are you really okay with that? You can't really forbid him since you're no other than just friend. Anyway, considering your dark past with women, I'm not sure if he would stay any longer,"

I also asked the same too. Did he even think that I had a feeling with him? Even if I told him now, would he believe me?

Another fear that I had was adding up. He knew exactly that I only dated women in the past. I never showed my interest with men, well, I wasn't even sure yet. But one thing for sure, I don't want to lose him. Not now, not even in the future.

When Louis came to our seats, he threw the receipt on the table, giggled. Edith surely asked what made him looked like that.

"The cashier guy was just called me mon cherie, thinking that I was French," he smiled widely, looking satisfied.

"You're that happy when people think you have a French face?"

"I never heard anyone complimented me like that, but he called me that because of how I pronounce myself like a French, not because of the face though," his face was darken. 

I was more than annoyed when I saw the cashier was stealing glance towards him. I wanted to stare back at him but I didn't want Louis to realize it. He was indeed cute and irresistible, but he was mine to begin with.

He was mine. But on what ground?

How to tell anyone to not touch him or even take a second glance at him?

 "Anyway, what did you say about your plan next week?" I just changed topic right away.

He was always pumped up to talk about his holiday. "It's another beach party, there's a place that Olin recommended and she takes care of everything already,"

But next week was his birthday.

"You don't really have to come, we can meet up later," Louis knew that I hated party and beach. Beach party was never my thing. But once again, it was his birthday.

"I had other arrangement on that day, but I will join you later,"

"Really?" His puppy eyes were sparkling.

I nodded. "But I can't stay long,"

"That's fine," he shook his head and still cutely smiled.

I patted his head. Every time I patted, it was gentle and affectionate. I made sure that he knew how much I treasured him. Like even if he did everything I hated the most, I didn't care at all.

As long as it's you. Right, as long as it's still you.

That cashier was still looking at us when I glanced at him. I caught his eyes and he just turned away quickly.

We sent Edith home first then I drove to Louis place after that. He turned on the radio and the songs played were all about love. It's Saturday night though. Even the talk session was about love counseling session with the listeners. Louis was listening attentively as if he was immersed in such romantic scene. I didn't dare to talk to him just to be ignored.

Even when we arrived at his place, he didn't want to get off from the seat.

The story was about a girl with his crush who befriended with her since high school. They were so close at least until one day the boy had a girlfriend on his campus and she didn't want him to get close with another girl. They started to drift away and she asked whether she made a wrong move from the start. Would things go right if she confessed even it's quite late?

Louis looked at me, but when I looked back at him, I was at loss of words. "What?"

"Aren't you listening too?" He was upset.

"To what? Oh," I knew what he asked, but I didn't have a heart to voice out my thought. "Um..."

"Forget it," he then grumpily got out of the car and walked to his place.

I followed him since it's still early to me to go home so I should hang around more. "You're upset,"

"No, you're just too ignorant,"

"Of what? I was driving," after getting in I pushed myself to the bed. He then went around to change his clothes.

He started to take off his shirt, then his pants, then went to his closet and grabbed a white oversized t-shirt. He then sat next to me while I couldn't take my eyes off of him from the very start. He had a petite body and a slender figure. With just one push I could top him easily, didn't he know that already?

If he did, why would he even dare to be topless and sitting this close to me on his bed too?

"Okay just tell me, what is it then?" I begged him to stop, stop teasing me like this.

Unintentionally, I leaned myself closer to him until I could sense his nice smell. He liked fruity perfume on his clothes and today it's citrus. I bet it's his favorite after all.

He finally wore his t-shirt but it still exposed his collarbone since the size was too oversized to him. I could not look away from this kind of view. My hands were slowly reaching him. I already tried hard not to top him at this position actually.

I even could feel my breath was getting harder than usual. My heart was pounding hard. I could only hope he didn't notice it.

"I don't have the mood to talk it again. Just forget it,"

"No, no. Tell me," I must be lying if my eyes were not trying to expose his neck and his beautiful line of veins. What would happen if I grip his neck only to get closer to my lips so that I could taste his scent more?

My hands were finally losing senses and reaching his arms. Both of them. In just an instant, I pushed his body and I topped him. He was now below me, looking too pitiful and helpless. If I wanted, I could do whatever to him. And I wanted to taste every part of his body scent now.

"I insist," I tried hard to look only at his eyes only while those lips of him was looking plump and inviting me to devour wholly. I didn't notice at first he was using a lip balm to make those lips pink and... tempting. Was he initially tempting me?

He tried to get away from this awkward position, but still, I was stronger and bigger than him. He was a just a small deer for this old and hungry tiger. When he realized there's no way to get away from this, he just sighed.

"There's a girl, she has a crush on his old friend, and his new girlfriend ask him to stop meeting her. She then asks whether to confess or not,"

"Why didn't she confess at first?"

"Maybe she's afraid of losing his friend,"

"But finally she lost him too,"

"That's why she asks, is it still necessary to confess or not,"

"Will her confession make things better?"

"What do you think?" He asked me as if he really asked me, my heart and my whole person.

"What do YOU think?" I asked back to him.

"If I were her, I won't tell a soul,"

"Why?"

"If the boy had feelings for her, he would never have a girlfriend. Confessing won't make him come back to her. The world had given her the biggest reason to move on and find new happiness,"

I was staring at him all the time, from this top view. I now realized how much I was craving for this kind of view.

"But he would never know her feelings at the end,"

He nodded. "It's better than being rejected by your beloved, at least to me,"

"Is it?" I was wondering, was he really looking for a sign from me? From the very start until now, did he not realize my feelings yet?

What should I do to make him finally tell me, that he likes me?

This old tiger, after getting weaker by the scent of his prey, felt that his arms were no longer holding a strength. In no time he would let the gravity pull his whole body pressed to the prey. If that happened, the old tiger could not also hold his desire to devour this little deer.

Or, did he just try to flirt with me, since he undressed himself in front of me to even wearing this kind of shirt that was revealing-not revealing his body line?

Did I fall for his trap already?

Was he the tiger and I was nothing more than the little deer to him instead?

I finally threw myself off of him, lying next to him. Feeling weak and helpless, just like I thought the prey would be. It turned out that I was the prey, and I almost fell to his trap.

"Let me sleep here for tonight, I'm too tired to go home,"

"Get off your nasty socks first," he kicked my butt.

I reached my feet and threw them right to his face. "You like it,"

"I don't, I hate,"

"Hate me?"

"Yes, you too," he must be lying.

"I like it when you hate me, hate me more then,"

Even when I was feeling weak and defenseless, I could not set my eyes off of him. It's like my whole view was reserved for this person.

"Would love to," he smirked like a little devil, and that's the last thing I saw for tonight.

Spotify Wrapped 2021, A Throwback of My Own 2021

I was actually curious on how my Spotify Wrapped on 2021 would turn out to be. By looking at the list of my most listened songs, I could remind on how my years had been going on.

On 2019,

My top artist was Getsunova while top song was ความเงียบดังที่สุด (The Loudest Silence) by Getsunova.

I had started obsessed with Thai Pop Culture on early 2018.  It all started with series, then shows and went to the pop music. It was also the early stage of my fujoshi re-awakening and Thai served it well. While trying to learn on how to pronounce the word and sing along, at the late of 2018 there was a trailer of an upcoming series, Theory of Love and it featured The Loudest Silence song. I loved it so much up to the point I couldn't wait and decided to read the novel instead. Well, at early 2019 I spent my time reading the book while listening to the song that fitted perfectly.

I loved Theory of Love, obsessed with them but sadly, I had a high expectation already and the series did not deliver it well. It didn't even have the same spark as the first trailer though. It seemed I was too in love with the book and even though I pictured Khai as Off Jumpol, they were sort of different.

On 2020,

My Top Artist was Seventeen while My Top Song was 안아줘  (Hug Me) by Joong Joon-il.

Oh right, Seventeen was like a savior to me during stay-at-home period due to Covid-19. Most of the top 10 songs were not even 2020 release, just like Hug Me by Joong Joon-il. The reason I repeatedly listened to the song was due to Erha Novel or The Husky and His White Cat Shizun by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat. After 2019 was filled with Danmei and I read all of MXTX novels already, I decided to read other popular novel with a huge fandom as well. It's difficult to say that I love the novel already since it involved adultery and Moran 0.5 was too wild and immoral to me. It just didn't make sense at first. But I got dragged and still enjoyed it enough even though the plotline was not really my favorite.

Hug Me song was my own OST for reading the book, and since I took quite a time reading the book (unlike MXTX novels), that's why it became #1. It's as simple as that.

On 2021,

So many things happened to me. On real life actually not that much, but as a fangirl that always crave for anything to obsess, I was even surprised by myself. After several jump and landed on Thailand, on Mid 2021, I was forced to jump on Vietnam. Not really forced, perhaps I should say "suggestively". It all started when I discovered Tự Tâm by Nguyễn Trần Trung Quân. The MV had a BL theme, that's why Youtube recommended such video to me. And I was hypnotized, especially because of the video clip plot, the settings and also the featured model, Denis Dang. I was too stunned with that fine-looking grey and long haired guy on the screen.

One more thing that made me decided to stay in Vietpop was the language. After struggling to read Thai and learn aksorn very much (and I was still far from fluent), I was more than happy to learn Vietnamese though. At least it's quite similar to latin, pretty much. And then, that's how I met the one.

Son Tung MTP.

The first clip that I watched was Nơi Này Có Anh. It had a massive views on Youtube and honestly the song was also addictive. After the first song then came to other great songs. I ended up loving his music style very much. And for his singles, I was very satisfied. Anyone would see his efforts for each clip. I started to love everything about him, I could see a real artist in him and he deserved to be loved too. I stan such a talent and I was grateful for having a chance to know him.

And then I became addicted to Chúng Ta Của Hiện Tại. I am not a good reviewer though, I can only say that the music was perfect. It had an indescribable vibe that made me want to repeat more. It's like a BGM, I could imagine the story whenever I listened to it. Oh, was it because of the video clip? It had a decent plot and I loved the theme too. Anyway, if I'm not mistaken, I started to repeatedly play the song from September and surprisingly it became the #1 in a short time. Hi, Sir, I'm not sure if you're reading this (and I never expect to happen too), I only want to say something to you,

Thank you for being you.

I may have known you for short time, but I enjoyed it very much. Whenever I see you and enjoy your work, I am happy to know that I support a real talent. You give a new color to my life and I am grateful to discover you.

I hope I am able to witness your performance in person, and how lucky I will be for that.

My #2 Artist was STAMP, a Thai singer with a lovely voice and his everlasting song, มันคงเป็นความรัก (It's Probably Love) that I already listened since 2018 and it still topped the chart due to the latest music video for the song that he uploaded last year and he added the English translation and it made the song more meaningful and cut too deep.

At that time I also listened to Erik and he became the #3 most listened artist because of some of his songs but I usually played them fairly, some of my favorites were Em Không Sai Chúng Ta Sai, Đừng Xin Lỗi Nữa and his latest song, Dịu Dàng Em Đến.

As Tilly Birds being my #4, I wouldn't be too surprised. I listened to their singles a lot, literally, but surprisingly none of them being the top 5. Perhaps it was the same case as Erik's songs, I usually put some songs on loop, not specifically repeat one. But Tilly Birds was a must-listened for Thaipop. Their notable singles during 2021 were เพื่อนเล่น ไม่เล่นเพื่อน (Just Being Friendly), ลู่วิ่ง (Can't Keep Up), เดอะแบก (Baggage), and เบื่อคนขี้เบื่อ (I'm Not Boring, You're Just Bored). Well, those were all of their singles on 2021 though. Each of them had their own style and characters, I was satisfied on how they did not really use the copy-paste-improve method to their next single, so I dedicated my biggest praise for them. Ah... This year... I admitted my playlist were so colorful.

Lastly, my #5 Artist was Mika Hashizume, one of Chuang 2021 (China's Produce 101) contestant and recently a member of INTO1. I loved him exactly after he sang to 永不失聯的愛 (Unbreakable Love) by Eric Chou and So Sick by NeYo which was the 1st episode of Chuang 2021. He was my first pick, continued with Liu Yu, Rikimaru, and Santa. All of them were made it to the member of INTO1 and I couldn't be happier. He had a lovely voice that made everyone melted at once. I loved seeing him as my #5 which means that I had a moment to be crazy of Chuang 2021 a lot. I watched them and remember more than half of the contestant though.

Well, that's how my life had been on 2021, and I hope to discover more exciting part of the world that I haven't know yet in next year. And one more thing, I wish all on-hold project to be released soon without delay anymore.

With love,

S.

2021: Another Milestone of Danmei Exploration

Hi. At this point, I realized that I have no turning back to the real world once I deliberately draw into Danmei world. And this whole post will be dedicated to the list of my notable milestones of Danmei up until end of year 2021. I really wanted to create a milestone like this since I always ended up forgetting the list of everything I watched/read.

At first, I created this post for the Q2 milestone, but then it got delayed up until at the end of the year. Heh, I really must appreciate my inconsistency to post regularly.

2021 Jan
Papa Wolf and the Puppy (Manhua)

cr: 麻尾

I'm not sure that this manhua should be included in the danmei tag because up until now, there's no romance at all.

But, this has a similar pattern as 19 Days and the art itself is quite similar. It is a one shot manhua type with a very short scene for each chapter and it's still ongoing. But it is cuter and lovelier in such a way.

It mostly involves around as its name, a papa wolf who picked up a puppy. It started as a real wolf and pup at first but it then came out as a real person, a mafia boss with a wild boy which had a very cute interactions. It is mostly shown a fatherly love but along with the growth of the puppy, it's expected to see a romance imho. Yes, it reminded me of Sha Po Lang in a cutesy way.

Anyway, I love the scenes a lot! And I am thankful to find this manhua as a refreshment. Even though it was because of the hotness and coolness of Papa wolf, but it couldn't be ignored how lovely the puppy as well.

cr: 麻尾

 

2021 Feb
ShaPoLang (Novel) - Dropped

Yes, I dropped the Shapolang after realized that I'm not really into a political conflict that much. I started a year already and it nearly took me a year to finish the half of it but the rest... I must say that the steampunk themed with political issues are not my thing. First, I was hardly able to imagine the arcs and it seemed hard to find any guidance from any fanart. Low-key opinion? Maybe they were also hesitant on how to visualize the story arcs as well. Secondly, the plot itself was too much involving a political strategy which, was a yawn to me. I wasn't too interested with the plot. Another point was, there was this issue of "bone of impurity" which mentioned several times at first but just had explained at the half of story. It felt like I was dragging many questions in my mind and finally able to understand the situation on later chapters.

Anyway, I decided to drop the novel and might continue right after the series came out. I was hesitant on what to read for next, but later on, I regretted nothing.

 

Quickly Wear a Face of Devil (Novel)

cr: Kinokuniya

Comparing to Heaven Official's Blessing, it's really neck-to-neck. The title was "Quickly Wear a Face of Devil" which got me hooked easily from the start of story. Even for Heavens Official Blessing or TGCF, I was quite hesitant to continue at first since the most hooked part was started right when Hua Cheng appeared and it's already ten-to-something chapters. I must finished the first arc first actually.

But for QWFOD, it's really different. It's such a gem to find the quick transmigration novel that is easily hooked during first story/arc. The story is about Zhou Yun Sheng, a genius hacker who was trapped in a system that made him rebirth into many worlds as a villain. He then tried to change his fate and gave the heroine lessons.