[One Shot] For You, My Lover...

I could not even believe on what I saw just now.

"That's just... it?"

The person in front of me was sitting while holding his laughter. He nodded or mocked, only God knew it best.

"I must say that was because your requirements were quite... invincible,"

I frowned. Where did it go wrong?

"You should be thankful for only choosing 2 out of 3, that means only the unlucky one to be excluded," he just patted my head like a child. Unlike me, he got tons of application for his team.

"This is a large-scale competition, we should represent our school with the best candidate. Anyone to be selected based on his capability, not luck,"

"Sure, but still, good luck, then," He just nodded without really listened. He looked at the 3 sheets of application of mine. I snatched them all and just left the room.

I had only 2 weeks to prepare for my own team, so I called each of the applicants to have a session immediately. Since we would become a team, I already set some expectation that they had to meet.

Someone named Marcus was agreed to have interview after his basketball training. He was the first year student, 2 years younger than me. I walked to the hall and sat calmly on the free seat. A group of people were still on training, but they were about to finish. Around 10 minutes later, a person came up to me. He was way taller than me but he had a baby-face type. His sweats were distracting me and pushing me quite away from him.

"So why did you apply to be on my team?"

"My friend did, I thought he put his name but it's mine instead, sorry,"

F*ck. "But do you think you're qualified to join?"

"What is it about again?"

I hated myself realizing I just wasted my time to be here.

"It's a quiz competition," the smile that I put on was even too fake. I held my breath to calm myself.

"What kind of quiz?" another dumb question from him might cause him a punch in the eye.

"Everything. You are expected to know anything since it's random,"

He looked uninterested, I really wanted to leave in an instant.

"Well, thank you for your time, tell your friends not to pull any prank like this, it's not fun, really,"

"Hey," when I sat up from my seat, he called in a very loud voice. "I am good with quiz, though,"

I turned my back, smiled wider than ever. "But you have no intention to join the competition, right?"

"Who said that?" he then came forward and stood in front of me. Even though he's younger, he had a tall figure just like any other basketball athlete.

Not even an academic student.

"So, are you interested to join?" I asked one more time.

"Yes, I don't like it when I get rejected, like now,"

I kept my attitude enough to him. I held the application letter that I brought anywhere tightly. "There are other applicants that is more determined and qualified than you. I will consider it after I interview them all,"

He peeked at the files I kept, "You seemed to have not that many choices though. I am good with sports, I bet you need my knowledge as well,"

Well, he's quite right. "Yes, I will consider that too then,"

Since a sight of him annoyed me too much, I just wanted to go away quickly of him. But this one persistent child just followed me anywhere I went. I stopped him when he really followed me behind.

"What are you doing?" as a nice senior, I still tried to keep calm.

"I wanted to see all the applicants,"

"Who said you could do that?"

"I want to make sure they are not even better than me,"

Huh. Such a narcissist. "I have your number, I will let you know the result if you're selected, or you can wait at the announcement later,"

"But I don't have yours," he pulled out his phone and threw it to me. What a nice move to ask for a number.

"You will have it once I text you," I returned the phone.

"I can't wait. I have anxiety disorder, that's not good for my health,"

I looked at him, suspiciously. I did not believe anything he said. He had that prankster look. I knew he just teased me.

"No, just count the sheep if you can't sleep tonight,"

"Can't I call you instead? I don't like dreaming sheep,"

"Hey," I called him. "You're aware I am way older than you, and I am the one that will determine whether you're passed or not, right?" that meant, once you messed with me, you're no to go.

"Hey, trust me, you need me. What about this, you give me your number, then we will have a trial first, if I fail, then it's okay, you can select anyone as you wish,"

I frowned. Something felt not right, but I couldn't identify it at all. It's like I was manipulated by him already. I had no way to reject him for now, so I just gave him my number.

"Eh? Not ringing?"

I gave him the wrong number intentionally. But I didn't expect him to call right away.

"My battery is dead,"

"But it's connecting," he checked on me.

"Am I pressing a wrong number?" I took his phone one more time. This boy was not to mess. I bet he had a brain too.

But this time, he didn't call it again. It's as if he knew I gave him the right one. And I really gave him my number.

Only after when his friend called, then he sent me a goodbye. I was relieved after that. This boy would be a no, never.

But the other two were disaster. Was it really a trend to apply other person's names as a prank? Was it something funny to them?

After calling the other two, they simply refused to join and said that it's not them that applied.

Instead of taking out someone, now I needed anyone to fill the empty seat. It could be anyone but where should I find that kind of person?

But before I even had to think on how to look at first, someone knocked the door and peeked at the room.

"Excuse me," he did not even let his body part to come inside. I could only see his head at the door. "I saw the poster on the wall that you're recruiting team for a quiz competition. Is it still open?"

"Yes," I could not hide my excitement. Finally I found someone who was willing. "Come in let me interview you first,"

He sat in front of me as I instructed. He had a good manner, well, my first impression was already satisfied.

"I never saw your face before, which class are you from?"

So his name was Heinrich, a transfer student that moved in to the city just a week ago. He said he had participated in similar competition and won 3rd place. I was ecstatic to hear that, it meant I found a gem.

So I decided to test his skill. I had some samples of question from previous year and tested to him. Well, he almost got everything right. Finding him made me look forwards for a glory of my team.

I shook his hands, "Welcome to the team," I smiled to him widely. He then asked for another member. I reached my phone and called the bastard to come to the room.

Marcus came not too long after that and peeked at Heinrich. He did not talk much but just sat beside Heinrich. He then saw the lists of question sample that I left at the desk in front of us and then smirked. He looked satisfied that he got admitted without even being questioned.

"You're the transfer student, right?"

Heinrich nodded to Marcus. "We're from the same class,"

I was not really interested but quickly responded, "Oh? That's nice, you two will get along well,"

"No, I don't really know him, but nice to meet you, bro," he pulled Heinrich hands and shook him hard.

"Okay then, welcome to the team for both of you. We have 2 weeks to prepare for the competition and I beg you to come here everyday after school to exercise, is that okay for you both?"

"Not okay, I have training every Monday and Wednesday," Marcus was one of basketball team, his excuse was reasonable.

"Mine is fine," Heinrich responded with a wide smile.

"Great," I talked to Heinrich. "And for you, no problem, but you need to catch up," I switched to Marcus.

"But how can I do that?"

 

"There will be piles of cheat sheet you need to memorize by yourself then I will test you the day after, so be prepared,"

Marcus sighed. He signaled such disagreement.

"Just so you know, I am quite a tough person and take this competition seriously. I expect you both to get serious and be prepared from now on. If you have any complaint, please inform me now," I warned them.

"No, I'm fine, I am okay with everything," Heinrich smiled to me. His enthusiasm made me moved.

Then I looked at Marcus. "I'm fine too," he was less aggressive as before.

"Great, here is the first cheat sheet for you both, memorize them well and see you tomorrow,"

I stood up but both of them still unmoved. I looked at them, I meant we're dismissed for today. But both of them still reluctant to go.

"Is there any else you want to say?"

"Let's have a dinner first for welcoming our new team," Marcus pulled Heinrich and mine to get off the room.

No, no, I wasn't that social person. I wasn't used to any social activity too. I tried hard to reject Marcus many times but he still grabbed my arm and circled his arms around my shoulder so that I would not go anywhere. Heinrich was following from behind and giggling. He looked fine with it.

We finally arrived at a place that Marcus directed to. After we chose a seat and placed order, Marcus and Heinrich did not make any sound which made us too awkward. So I planned to break the ice.

"So Heinrich, why decided to move here?" I hadn't asked him during interview before.

He leaned his back until finally voiced out, "I tried to follow the path of someone I admired here,"

"So you knew someone?"

He nodded. "But he might not remember me,"

I didn't understand, "What do you mean? But how did you know he didn't remember you?"

He put his smile. "I am just nobody to him,"

"Is he someone from our school?"

He nodded. "Moron, didn't you listen to him? If that guy wasn't from our school, he wouldn't bother transfer here," Marcus was really too straight forward.

"There's another possibility he already graduated though," I justified myself to not look too stupid at Marcus.

Heinrich laughed, "You're right but he's still a student here too,"

"Is he someone I know?"

 

Heinrich just smiled, as if he couldn't even answer it easily as a simple yes or no. "Someone great actually. It took me a great effort to be accepted here. My grades were bad at first, so I had no choice to study harder than ever. I didn't know this school had a really high standard and requirement at first,"

Marcus laughed. "I never took the entrance exam,"

"Yes, a talented stupid like you should be grateful," I sneered at Marcus. What a show-off. Everything that he talked always provoked me.

Then I looked at Heinrich once more. "So, how great was he to change you like that? Any name?"

He just smiled. "I bet a few names would pop out of your mind now?"

I thought hard. "A great person with great personality too... is it Kevin?"

Heinrich didn't respond at all. So even though I mentioned the right person, he wouldn't give me any clue then.

"Name is not really important, I am more curious on why you decided to follow him like that. What is your goal?"

He looked at me shyly but seriously. "I wanted to support him. I wanted to make sure he get everything he wanted in his life. I wanted to..." he decided not to talk anymore.

"But why? Is he some kind of a role model to you?" I asked him further. That kind of thought really didn't make sense to me.

"He's like Adrien James to me," Marcus mentioned someone that I vaguely remembered his name was written on the alumni wall of honor. I also remembered his name was quite known in basketball world which was not my interest.

"What about you? What is your goal to study here?" Heinrich passed the question to me.

"I don't know yet, I don't have anyone to adore or a role model like you both,"

"What is your dream then?" What is my dream...? 

 

I want everything.

"Well..." but I was not sure if I could tell this to anyone. They would think of me as a very ambitious person. I didn't want to be labeled as such person. If I failed one day, they would laugh at me.

"Firstly, I want to win this competition, and I don't want any of you to ruin this chance,"

Heinrich smiled while Marcus frowned.

"Why is it so important to you?" Marcus sighed.

"If you won't take this seriously, you can just leave then, but if you decide to stay, I want to remind you again that I bet my honor on this, so do your best is not enough,"

"What if you're the one that ruins it?" he always argued.

"I won't," I answered him firmly.

Heinrich just smiled and nodded. "I won't too,"

Both me and Heinrich looked at Marcus, he looked quite nervous, "I won't too!"

I just smiled. Actually, I decided to join this competition because of a reason though. After Kevin defeated me in presidential candidate last year, they told me that I was not good enough working with people. They said I lacked of leadership even though I was excelled in academics. Kevin proposed me to take quiz competition as a prove that I could lead the team and worked well. We were supposed to send in 2 teams to participate, one was his team and the other was mine. It sounded like a challenge and an insult to me, so I accepted it no matter what.

 

I must admit that the big difference between me and Kevin was only our social life. I was better than him in all aspect except friends. Kevin was a social butterfly and could blend into anywhere. It was something that I couldn't compete with him. But to decide on whether someone could be a leader or not based on his social skills was too shabby, right?

The three of us walked home and separated in an intersection. While Marcus was going to another way, Heinrich was still walking with me since he lived quite near to my place.

"You know... there's another team to participate led by Kevin, why don't you go there instead?"

He looked at me, "I didn't see the recruitment,"

"He's quite packed with applicants, but with your competency he would gladly accept you though,"

"Why should I?" he frowned.

"I thought of the thing you said, if that person was Kevin, then competing against him would destroy your goal then,"

 

Heinrich laughed, "I thought you didn't want me, I was confused why you kicked me away instead of Marcus,"

 

"I did reject him, all the time, he's just too stubborn,"

"Then I'm stubborn too, I don't want to change team,"

"Are you sure? I am asking you once again, you couldn't runaway after this,"

"It's not Kevin though," he said to me firmly.

Hearing his statement made me relieved a bit. If the person that he mentioned was truly Kevin, I would be so upset. But since it's not Kevin, I didn't care anymore. I didn't see anyone worthy to be compared against.

"That's good," I didn't know why I told him that, it just slipped out.

"Good?"

"I mean, if it's Kevin that you mentioned, you're making a great mistake. He's not worthy as your role model,"

"So who do you think worthy as a role model, then?"

I thought hard. Should I say myself? No, it would sound too narcissistic to him.

"Anyone but him was okay,"

"Do you hate him?" Heinrich slowly walked closer since I made my voice lower.

"He's a friend, I don't particularly hate him, but since we always competed to become the top student, I'm used to be his rival and I don't want to lose against him. Come to think of it, you're free to admire him too, he's good at everything. Ignore my words before,"

He laughed, "What's with the sudden change?"

"It made sense if you admire him, there's no one better than him in school unless..." I was hesitated to talk more, but when I saw him, he waited for me to continue my sentence.

"Unless...?" he pushed me to say it.

"Unless it's me... if you look closely, I am better than him in many aspects!" since those narcissistic words just came out, I raised my voice louder to hide my embarrassment.

"Yeah you're right," he just smiled awkwardly.

Oh God, I was embarrassed to death now!

"I am sorry to bring up this issue again. For me, I am not familiar with that kind of admiration. I was just thinking how happy that person would be if he knows he was admired like that. To think that a person could change others like that... he must truly be a great person,"

"He is indeed," Heinrich smiled wide. "Do you think he would be happy if I tell him that? Wouldn't he feel burdened?"

"Burdened? Well, that make senses. It might be a burden for him too. Maybe when you're close enough with him, you can make it less burden. I bet he will be happy to hear that,"

"If a person that you barely knows tell you they like you instead, is it better?"

"Hmm..." apparently we were having this kind of heavy conversation during our walk. "Rather than being admired or being liked... Which was better..." I took a glance at him and he seriously waited for my answer. "To tell you this, Kevin would give you better answer than me. I am not an expert in social skills so I don't really have a best suggestion, sorry,"

"I don't expect anything, I just need a new insight, if it was you, what would be better?"

When I was pushed to give an answer, something felt not right and I just realized. Being admired or being liked... Wait... Did it mean... He...

"Heinrich... Did you mean rather than saying you admired him, you would say you liked him... What does it mean?"

When I asked him, it sounded more complicated than before.

"Do you actually like him or just admire him...?" I was not sure to ask this but again, it just slipped out.

"How's that different?"

It is! Isn't it?...

 

I thought there would be no one dumber than me in terms of human interaction. But to ask whether an admiration was not different as liking someone, while looking clueless, instead of looking dumb, he was more like a baby. He made me want to protect him at all costs.

 

But was he just telling me that he's not straight at all?

"I think it would be more irritating rather than being burdened if you tell him that..." I could see him sighed, "But why don't you get closer to him first then you can decide what to tell him after that... right?"

He just nodded with a smile.

"Heinrich, why don't you tell me who is he first? Perhaps I could suggest you better on this after I know the person,"

He just smiled and opened his mouth, "I'll tell you later once I get closer with him then,"

"Ah, right, that's good too," I smiled back at him.

This boy... He looked too innocent and pure. I wondered who would be so lucky to be admired by such person. Since our conversation was really interesting, I realized that I already at the front gate of my housing complex.

"See you tomorrow," Heinrich waved at me with his innocent look. Since then I could not think of anything else than how naive this person would be. How adorable.

"See you tomorrow," I waved back to him.

Our daily routine for 2 weeks straight was only exercising after school, a lot of memorizing, taking notes, and then we would take a dinner together. Sometimes Marcus would come after his training and brought us dinner then we would recite everything we learned to him while eating. It was exhausting but I saw Marcus and Heinrich seriously practicing, so I was satisfied enough.

I no longer despised Marcus, he showed me his seriousness and he made a progress through time. As for Heinrich, he was just perfect. He was reliable. As time passed by, seeing them two made me think, even if we lost, I didn't care anymore. I knew we already gave our best efforts anyway.

When the time came, we really did our best, just as we practiced. We passed semi-final in no time and apparently we had to compete against Kevin. His team might consists of the smartest candidate, but I had Heinrich and Marcus which were the best in their own expertise. And they had me, whose indeed better than Kevin at anything. We won anyway so we went to finals. It was as I expected.

 

"Congratulations," Kevin shook my hands when we also won at final. "You had a great team," he said more.

 

Our rival in final was easier than Kevin though so no wonder we won after that.

"Thanks, you too," I proudly shook his hand. This time, it clearly showed I was doing better than him.

 

"The new guy, Heinrich... He's good but Marcus made me speechless more. He's not that good in academic as I remembered but he mastered the question well. I was surprised, you taught him well,"

His praise made me realized that we were indeed doing great. I couldn't wait to treat those two for a meal. When I said goodbye to Kevin, Heinrich and Marcus looked at me and the trophy that we won with big smile. We did it. Our efforts were well paid.

I promised them a meal for a treat. Later I realized, this might be a farewell. Marcus would focus on his basketball training and preparing for nationals. Heinrich would be on his own too. I was about to ask them to hangout together, but I was hesitant if they were against it. We were together since we were a team, and when it's over, we had no other reason to be together. After all, I was a homie, if it's not because of the exercise, I had no other reason for coming home late.

I guessed they also realized that and became quite awkward during our dining.

"You guys have to cheer me on the tournament, okay?" rather than asking, he seemed more like ordering us to watch his play.

I agreed, I barely watch any sports competition so his play might be the first.

"We would," I took a glance at Heinrich, he nodded as well. "What about you? What would you do after this?"

"I might join the journalism club,"

Oh? That's my club. "That's good!" I couldn't hide my excitement hearing that. It would be nice to keep him around. "Come to think of it, we could get along well,"

Heinrich just smiled. I was not sure if I made him comfortable or on the contrary. But a sudden realization just came to my mind. Could it be... That particular person that he admired was... me?

I had a mixed feeling. Firstly, it was uncertain yet. But on the other hand, he said that he wanted to follow the path of that person, and he really did that if it's me that he mentioned.

"Didn't you just apply to the basketball club?" Marcus pointed at Heinrich.

He also nodded. "Ah right, can't I do both?"

"That'll do, the schedule was not collided as I knew. So you play basketball too?"

"I just play casually," he smiled as he satisfied.

 

Then I thought to myself, was it Marcus? Well, he could be considered as a great person too if they saw him in a different view. Besides, I hadn't listened to the full story of it so I couldn't bluntly guess who would he be.

But I was happy to realize that we would not really part ways after this. Since I didn't have much time or what to do except studying until I graduated, I could visit both of them at the basketball club too. For the first time in my life, I had my own 'circle' and I was ecstatic.

As usual, I walked home with Heinrich. It took roughly 15 minutes until I parted with him.

"Thank you," I told him personally, and after this I would texted Marcus the same. "For bringing the trophy," I lifted the shiny item on my hand once again.

Heinrich smiled widely.

"You see.. this would be the last thing I participated till graduation. So thank you for creating such a happy memory. This meant a lot for me,"

"Really? How's that?"

"I was beyond grateful to have you and Marcus as a team. Thank you for joining the team even it's quite late. I couldn't imagine if I had to rely only on that stupid ass. Even he proved he was not that stupid at the end, but we couldn't win without your help. You took a big part of our victory. So... thank you very much,"

I nervously laughed. I was not used to open up myself to anyone.

"This is the solid proof of how capable I am to work in a team. It's one of some aspects Kevin was better than me, that's why I eagerly joined to prove them wrong. Well, I still prefer work by myself though, but it didn't mean I was suck at that too. And then you guys really made it exciting. Yesterday, rather than worrying that we might lose, I was more worried if we couldn't hangout together anymore after today. I never went home late like this my whole life. I never hangout after school too. So this... is all new to me as well,"

"Do you like hanging out with us?"

I nodded. "We're well balanced, don't you think?"

"Yes, I like this team too,"

"So I was happy when I heard you joining basketball and journalism. Those two clubs would drain you out though, but I know you can manage it well,"

"How did you know that?"

"Because I've done that too. I usually took 2-3 clubs and it kept me busy, I liked it. Next year you could run for presidential too,"

"Do you think I can manage that too?"

"Oh please, it's a piece of cake," apart from the fact that I was only a vice president though. "Next time, come to my place. I could give you a free tutor," since I was already on my senior year, I was only limited to join 1 club only, so I actually had more free time especially after the presidential election was ahead.

"Can I?"

I strongly nodded. "I will ask that stupid too-"

"Senior," before I finished my sentence, he called me and stopped walking. "Can you tutor me alone?"

That thought just came hit my mind again. I awkwardly answered him without asking why.

"No problem," I threw him a smile.

On the following weeks, I was living a school life just like any normal student should be. I no longer had my lunch in class because Heinrich and Marcus always called me to eat in canteen instead. Later after school if I had no club activities, I would watch the basketball club and sit there leisurely. For the last two years, I rarely had a close friend like now. It's actually this nice to have a social life. How exciting.

On weekends, Heinrich would visit my place to get a tutor. Actually he was fine, his grades were beyond average and he was diligent too so I didn't really tutor him much. On afternoon after having lunch at some place, we would visit Marcus at the school field since he was having intense training because the tournament was counting days.

"Why don't you join the main team? You're not bad too," I asked Heinrich that was sitting beside me.

"That is his playground. I am not interested for taking it away from him," he pointed at that stupid ass. "Don't you think he looked happiest when playing basket?"

I nodded. "You're right, you already excel at everything," 

He then turned his head to look at me. I looked back at him. "Everything?"

"Kevin just told me since you're joining my club, our magazines are getting much better and even more colorful, our teachers also told the same,"

He looked satisfied with such praises.

"He also said that you have a decent look to become the face of our school. Soon after you will replace his fame and girls will roam around,"

"Do you think I should do that too?"

"Actually it would be troublesome, so I suggest you to strongly refuse it. Being a school president is okay, but being a school model is a no, you can pass it to Marcus, he's not that bad too,"

He turned his head again to me. "Is it me or Marcus?"

"What? In terms of face? I'm not sure. You both are just so-so to me,"

He then smiled again. "Yeah, let Marcus do that, I will recommend him if anyone offered me then,"

I could not contain my smile. Heinrich was so obedient at anything I said. Both him and Marcus made me felt like having minions. Sadly the other minion was way too delinquent.

"What were you two talking about?" Marcus grabbed his drink that we brought for him during his break.

"You," Heinrich said it bluntly. "You're dragging the team down with your lack of skill,"

"He's lying. You did well enough," I quickly denied it since I knew if he believed it, he would overdo it.

"Actually we just discussed you to be our next school model. It was Senior's idea. If you could bring us to finals, you can secure the place immediately," he just spoke nonsense, but it's not wrong too.

"A school model?"

"Yes, that's a great opportunity too. You will get famous and girls will roam around you," I added.

"I'm not interested in girls, they're troublesome, is there any other benefit?"

I took another glance at him. One more time. One more time again but I still could not process what he meant clearly.

"Being a school model will give you free access to almost everything just like being a school president. You are free to skip class sometimes and even you are waived for coming late. Technically, no one will scold you for any rule violation, isn't that tempting enough?"

He was indeed tempted and I could look it from his expression.

When the break was over, I was alone again with Heinrich.

"He just said he's not interested in girls, didn't he?"

Heinrich was silent for a moment. "He rejected many confession already, saying that he wasn't interested. But..."

"But?" There's a but?

"He also told them that he already had someone he liked, so who knows,"

"What about you? Did you get many confessions too?"

He laughed, "Curious?"

"I'm curious who is more popular between you both,"

"Not even once, are you satisfied enough?"

I couldn't hold giggling. "I had a feeling you already stopped them before they got a chance to confess,"

"I would tell them the same reason as he did too anyway," he pointed at Marcus again.

After Marcus had finished practicing, we went for dinner as usual and then went separate ways. I would walk home with Heinrich as always. But tonight, some idea just hit me.

At the front door after I parted with him, I secretly followed him to his house and surprised by the fact that he walked back to the previous intersection that we usually parted with Marcus and he turned the opposite. If Marcus went south, I was north, and surprisingly Heinrich went west. I literally followed him home and admitted that all this time, his walk distance took twice farther than he should be. Was there any reason as why he would do this silly act?

Was it really me the one he admired? There should be no other logical reason, right?

I then walked home, panting. It's such a long walk but since my head was full of thinking, I spent time to overthink.

I didn't remember meeting Heinrich before. And I never visited his hometown too, so when would it be? Was he wrongly mistaken me as someone else? There's such possibility too, right?

But anyway, he looked adorable and admired me too much. It's irresistible to not be charmed by this absurd assumption. 

At next weekend, someone rang my house bell and I could see Marcus in front of the door. Heinrich was behind him. Marcus looked annoyed as he mumbled on how he was left behind for not getting a tutor when he needed it more than Heinrich.

"How's your training?" I sat in front of him in my own room.

"It's rescheduled to Monday because the coach had to join the brief meeting of the tournament today,"

"I see, then you can get a tutor, but can we just start after the tournament instead? I don't think you're in the mood for studying too,"

Marcus was looking around and then asked, "Do you live alone in such a big house?"

"I am living with my brother but he rarely went home. He's working offshore, usually he would come once every 3 months only,"

"So is it okay if I sleepover tonight?"

Oh well, that's new but I didn't hate such idea. "Of course, I will prepare the guest room. What about you?" I asked Heinrich that was sitting quietly.

"Would that be okay?"

"Sure, no problem," I was actually happier knowing they would company me all night.

When I was going to make the bed at the guest room, Marcus stopped me, "Can't we just sleep here?"

"Oh?" I never shared the room with anyone before. "If you're okay, you can convert that sofa into a bed. It will fit for you two,"

Marcus grinned, "Nice, I also need your clothes, too," he laid on the sofa and then looked around. "Do you play games?"

"I have one in my brother's room. Let me bring them here,"

Never once I thought I had a chance for having this kind of experience. I thought my school life would be as dull as my personality, but these two guys really made it. It's nice knowing that I lived a very normal high schooler life.

Heinrich and I attended the tournament from the very start until our school really made it to finals. Since Marcus was the team captain, he got all praises from everyone including our teachers. We came out as the winner of high school national tournament. I walked up to our school's MVP after he was surrounded by many people for taking photos. His hands were full of flower buckets but when he looked at us, he threw them to me.

"Take this all," I had no choice but carrying his stuffs.

 

We all went back together and I once again told him, "Congratulations, you're really our school's pride now,"

 

Marcus was overjoyed and couldn't hide his wide smile along the way. We decided to grab a dinner at our house first to celebrate his victory. I brought all the flower buckets and looked at them sighing.

"What are you doing with these? Do you even have a vase at your house?"

Those were very fresh, what a pity to waste them.

"I told you to take them," he looked uninterested with the big buckets.

I had many vases at home, my brother had annoying girlfriend and he always told me to sent her fresh bouquets in person regularly. If she was nowhere to find, I had to keep the flowers fresh from several days and those vases were lifesaver. Perhaps that would also a reason as to why I could not let these flowers laying miserably like this. I knew these were costly and someone poured their heart to them.

I organized the flowers neatly to the vases. I hoped they did not notice my fondness to flowers or else it would look awfully embarrassing.

The dining table that I rarely used at home now was unusually looking lively. Marcus noticed that my fridge was full of food because of my brother's girlfriend, Meena weird habit of grocery shopping. He then took charge on cooking the food for us. On the other hand, Meena was delighted seeing the foods were gone so she would fill in more.

Surprisingly, Marcus was a great cook too. Our tummy was blessed.

 

"So what is your decision?" Marcus asked me about our plan after graduate.

 

"I'd take film major, I want to be a movie director,"

 

Marcus was surprised while Heinrich looked intrigued rather than looking surprised too.

"Which uni?"

"My first option is UC," yes, it's still within my range. "Don't worry, I won't even leave this place, you're still stuck with me,"

They seemed nonchalant but I knew it better they were relieved as well. After getting to know them more, I knew we shared same feelings, we were comfortable to each other and my home was our lair.

 

"Heinrich, have you decided to run for presidential?"

 

He nodded. "But his popularity is actually the problem," Marcus interrupted.

"Why?"

"He's only popular among teachers,"

"You can help him, can't you?" I intentionally ordered Marcus. He pointed at himself, I nodded, and even though he was reluctant at first, he still gave me a nod. "And speaking of student model, I talked to the principal before, he agreed immediately, he's fond of you actually, what did you do?"

Marcus just put his haughty look. "Praise me first I may tell you my secrets,"

"Forget it,"

"Not just principal but he is really popular anywhere," Heinrich added.

"Right, if only my grades are better, you are not a match to me for presidential," Marcus sneered.

"Can't you just stop? Being a school president is a lot of work, you're not appropriate for such tasks,"

Marcus was sulking but I was unaware of his greediness before. I hoped they did not actually compete with each other. Since I didn't know how they were in class, I could only hope they get along.

His name was widely known right after the tournament, but it got wider when the school officially published him as a new model. Anyone could see his face on every corner of school. He was more like a mascot and an ambassador. Mostly the girls would say he was a hottie and an eye-candy, so the feedback was very positive.

 

Heinrich informed me that Marcus received many gifts and love letters. Not only from our school, but also from neighboring school as well. Previously Kevin was undergone the same situation when he was being the student model.

"Isn't she Angela, the girl who played the cello at festival?" I looked at the letter one by one. Each gift came with a letter, showing the sender's name. Heinrich collected and brought them all to show me after school. It was a pink letter with a strong rose scent that I recently read. Even if it's not appropriate to look at each letter, we still read them to fool around.

"Well, it made sense. You really did a good job being a model, the picture came out nicely, no wonder they all fall for you like this, what do you think, Heinrich?"

 

He hummed and then nodded, "I think you're born as a model, too,"

Perhaps Marcus thought we were fooling him, he seemed not in the mood and didn't listen to me and Heinrich at all. "Can you just stop reading them? Just throw it all away," he was indeed annoyed.

I looked at the gifts and opened them diligently. These girls really put their effort of gifting. It would be a real waste if we were to throw them away. Cookies, chocolates, cakes, all of these sweets and there were also handkerchief too but all of these were not for guys, what were they thinking though?

"Here," Marcus suddenly gave me some flowers which made me puzzled. It seemed he just picked the flower gifts and collected to me.

"Wow did you even get flowers too? Then I shall put them in a vase," I nervously thought he noticed my fondness of flowers.

"That's from me, for you, not just anyone," I was at a loss of words now. 

"Oh? Where did you buy it?"

"You like flowers, don't you?" shoot, I was exposed.

"Sort of... But that because of my brother and his girlfriend used to-,"

"But I like you," he interrupted me before I even finished talking. "I like you, Ian," he mentioned my name rather than calling me 'senior' as usual.

"Of course I like you too," I smiled awkwardly.

"Not just as friends, I really like you, Ian, will you go out with me?" he put such a serious look. I didn't have a heart to ask him whether it was just a prank or not.

I looked at Heinrich. There's not only me and Marcus in my home but Heinrich was there too. When I stole a glance at him, he just turned away his gaze.

Well, what the hell was going on??? What should I answer him, then???

All I could think that if I rejected him, we wouldn't be like we used to anymore. He might avoid me and I would ruin the mood so I didn't want that. I wanted us to remain the same. After all, I wasn't familiar with dating and stuff. Specifically, it wasn't listed as a real deal to me.

 

"Okay," I put a weird smile. "Then my answer is a yes. But, there is a but..."

He was listening.

 

"Just so you know, I didn't expect this and I have no idea at all. At first I despised you, but over time, I was used to your presence and then I started to like you, as a friend. I'll start to see you differently from now on and who knows if one day it can develops romantically, so if you are okay with this condition, we can go on,"

Marcus just nodded naively.

 

"And one more thing, I will get busy preparing for final and there will be entrance exam after that too, so basically it's not a good time for us to date so don't expect much from me..." honestly, my mind just went blank so I just blabbered, "And don't call me by name, I am still your senior until I graduate,"

"No problem!" he looked enthusiastic. "We can take it slow, senior," he then pecked me right at the cheek which startled me. The way he called me by 'senior' sounded way more different.

I didn't know what's really into me to accept him easily. I also didn't dare to ask what's gotten into him. I did like Marcus but I only saw him as a cute junior that I used to bicker with. He might look delinquent but he was obedient enough to me. He's good at cooking, he was lively and fun to be around with. The more I thought about it, he's not that bad to become my boyfriend. Perhaps there was a part of me that was expecting something too.

"Heinrich," I turned to look at him, he was indeed listening us.

"Congratulation," he smiled happily. "I should clean these up first," he then started to pick up the wrap and trashes from the gifts he brought.

I initially wanted to ask him if he minded of this condition. Especially if my assumption was right about his admired, would he be okay or not. But since he was indifference at all, I supposed that I was wrong from the very start. Perhaps it was really Kevin that he meant. He was starting to get closer with Kevin too since he was aiming for school president.

Should I be relieved then? But why did I feel suffocated somewhere inside?

The next thing that became our focus was Heinrich presidential election. Marcus was also a great help, he let Heinrich to blend into any group and made his name known. Heinrich was absolutely a charming person and Marcus only gave him a path to get exposed.

As for my relationship with Marcus, he actually didn't change much except for his fondness of physical intimacy. It's as if he's obsessed with holding hands and other stuff which he explained such action as a 'redemption'. He often stayed late at my place when I still worked on a test and leaned on me all the time. Luckily I had a great focus and high tolerance of any kind of distraction so whenever he was being touchy or trying to get my attention, I didn't get disturbed at all.

His tendency to hold hands whenever we went really caught many eyes especially in school. At first I was bothered and asked him not to do it. Marcus understood right away but it seems misunderstood somewhere. I did not feel ashamed of being exposed, but this dating thing was new to me, I was not used to it very much and I was not comfortable with being asked.

"Forget it,"

I pulled Marcus' hands right away and held him tightly. "Just do whatever, I don't even care anymore,"

 

Seeing his smile made me realized that he was more precious than whatever people thought of us. He lied, he didn't take it slow, in no time he successfully caught my attention up until the point I knew that I liked him enough as a lover. I didn't expect myself to easily be head over heels like this. Was it because of him or just my weak heart?

"I think he is okay now," Marcus looked at Heinrich that still played at the field.

I waited for both of them finished their after school training. Marcus was sitting besides me and squeezing himself in my arms. Their team members were already used to his behavior anyway.

"Okay you mean?"

"He has a good reputation and since he's with me anywhere, his win is already secured,"

"Are you telling me to brag yourself or ask for a praise?"

"Both," his mischievous eyes stunned me for a while.

"Good job," I patted his head that was in my arms.

"But do you know..." I waited his words, but he then looked at me, "Forget it, do you still tutor him?"

"It's been a while, as I know he's already in first place, no?"

Marcus nodded. "Somehow he became more ambitious than before. He even joined as the backup player too,"

"Won't it be a good for his presidential too?"

"Once he really become the school president, won't all of these wear him out?" he worried Heinrich too much, but he made me think more. I didn't really notice it, perhaps because I already had a lot in minds.

"What about you? Do you get tired with your schedules too?" I started to think if I really made them both exhausted.

"I'm fine, do you think I should start modeling? I like it somehow,"

"Go on then if that's what you like, what bothers you anymore?" I was happy to hear that. He looked hesitant at first and asking me was his way to confirm it. I was glad for himself.

"What if I have no time to company you?"

"Don't mind me, think of yourself first then think of me later," I pushed him away since I started to get cramps because of his body weight.

"Alright, but do you like having a supermodel boyfriend?"

"No," he pouted like a baby. "I have one already so I don't need another one,"

I even wanted to puke at myself thinking what's gotten into me these days. When we got home together, I already signaled to Marcus that I wanted to walk alone with Heinrich to have a private conversation instead. He was okay and then we parted ways at the intersection that we used to.

Heinrich seemed unusually tired. Rather than walking straight to home, I asked for a rest in a coffee shop nearby.

"What's with you nowadays?" I started our conversation since he was quiet from earlier.

"What do you mean?" he forced his smile and I could see through it.

"Do you feel tired with your schedules? If so, you can tell me right away and I may help you. How about leaving the journalism first? Playing for the main team would exhaust you and you need to run for presidential too-,"

"Thanks but I'm fine," he indeed forced himself. You're not fine at all.

 

"You said it before that you just played for fun, what's with being the main team all of sudden?"

Heinrich was somehow looking inconvenient with the conversation. Did I really push him too hard?

"Senior," he called me. "What about you? You look happier than usual, did something happen to you?"

I didn't think I changed that much. "Is it? I don't think so, I am still stressed with final preparation too much,"

"You'll be just fine, it's a piece of cake for you. What about the filming major? I heard you got early admission already, so what stress you?"

"You," I pointed at him. "It's been a while we don't really talk to each other like this, so I don't keep posted on you,"

"What can we do? We have our own stuffs these days," no, I think you purposely do this.

 

"Talk to me," I reached his hands that were on the table. They were cold and stiff. "If there's something you want to talk, tell me. If something bothers you, I will try my best to help you,"

His forced smile was wider but his eyes showed differently, "If there's really something, I still can settle it by myself. You need to think of yourself first, Senior, or do you have something to tell me instead?"

"Heinrich," I called him nervously. I really worried him. "I wanted to tell you long before, you don't need to walk me home, your house was not this way though,"

He looked startled for a second but remained calm. "I was bad at directions at first, but I have my own reasons actually,"

"Yes," I didn't ask for his reasons. If he didn't want to tell me, then he wouldn't. I just didn't want to exhaust him more. "Everything you do must have its reasons, you are a good person, you know yourself better than anyone. Then, I shall head home first, take care of yourself,"

Right before I stood up, he pulled my hands. "Senior, if I am lost myself somehow, will you help?"

I was contented enough. "Of course, come to me or call me right away,"

The day after, Heinrich was looking indifferent. I still tried to turn a blind eye, but I still peeked at him. His smile was no longer forced, but it felt empty. He successfully became the next school president. Kevin was handing over his tasks to Heinrich and then he reported to me. 'Your boy' is truly remarkable. My boy, Heinrich, he's not anyone's boy. He was his. I sneered at him and asked himself to tell such praises in person.

But being told like that made me somehow satisfied. Did I really want to possess him that much? I couldn't wait to let him know.

"Heinrich," I called him when it's time for journalism club session. "Kevin said you're remarkable, it's a really high praise,"

He smiled and satisfied. I patted his head. "Are you happy?"

"What about you? What did you want to tell me?" he seemed asking for my words.

"Good job," yes, good job, my boy...

 

"Thanks," his smiles were honest at least just now.

"For the next 3 months I will leave the club, can I ask you one more favor?"

"Take care of the club?" he indeed expecting that. but-

"No, leave the club too. Kevin and I and all senior member will leave the club eventually. I don't want you to take care of the rest,"

"I told you before I could do it all," his bothered face looked so indifferent but I could sense it right away.

"You always be obedient before, why are you so persistent nowadays?"

"I have my own reasons," he always used this excuse, as if I was forced to beg him telling me what was the reasons.

"You exerted yourself like this for what reasons actually?"

He smiled like he finally satisfied of something. These days I felt Marcus and Heinrich switched themselves. Marcus was getting more obedient especially if I let him do anything as he pleased. But Heinrich was out of my league, I could not even understand him at some point anymore. 

 

But the real question was, why did I get annoyed by his changes? Oh right, I must be a possessive person. I wanted to possess him. I wanted to tell everyone that he was indeed my boy.

"Okay just do whatever, then," I too realized being a possessive person was bad, he must hated me knowing that.

Heinrich knew me well, I did great at finals and I secured myself in UC effortless. Marcus and Heinrich came at my graduation and sent me flowers.

Red roses. "Marcus..." I glared at him. It's common sense what red roses meant.

"Happy graduation, babe," he hugged me. "You're no longer my Senior so I will call you whatever," he pecked me at the cheek in front of everyone. "I love you,"

I was embarrassed to death but couldn't contain such happiness.

"Thank you and I love you too," I whispered to him. I was beyond happy to live at this moment. A loving boyfriend, a worry-less moment, could it last forever?

Because the college life would start in 3 months, I spent my days to play around. I still went to journalism club and basketball field. The boys were literally the ruler of the school, so I felt like being the supreme leader of the area. No one dared to ask me why and they would let me a space to blend in.

"Babe, a kiss for recharge?" Marcus really careless so I punched him right away. I'll give that later, I whispered such to him. He was already ecstatic by imagining things.

I walked to Heinrich that was standing a little further. "I heard you're no longer a backup player,"

"Yes, I'm even better than him now," Heinrich provoked Marcus eventually.

"I didn't have enough time to practice more. I was busy with the agency and you," he pointed at me.

Marcus was recently scouted by a modeling agency after they discovered the school's campaign posters. He was still on training and rarely had free time these days. I didn't take notice on his absence since he's never out of touch. But then I remembered how he always took a nap on my lap after coming back from the office

 

"It must have been tough for you," I patted his head but he had his own way to steal a kiss from me.

 

"That's why I come to your place everyday," urgh, let me puke.

 

"You're sick," I pushed him away with strength.

I focused on Heinrich again. He was once again not in line with his words before. What was really gotten into him?

 

"Kevin was studying abroad, did he ever visit here?"

Heinrich nodded. "He was saying goodbye to everyone last week,"

"How rude of him, he didn't say anything to me," I was upset, like real upset.

But the reason I brought Kevin was to see his response. He was as indifferent as before. What would made him intrigued then? It was clear that he distanced himself to me.

The next month was Marcus' birthday. I prepared a little surprise to him but Heinrich told me he was busy with stuff and would only celebrate together the day after. That night Marcus was coming very late because of his upcoming project and I waited him until late.

 

I was drooling on the table when he woke me by kissing me. It was already 02.20 AM at that time and he looked still up. I lit up the candles on the cake that was sitting in front of us and he blew it as our little celebration.

"Here," instead of me giving him presents, he passed me another bouquet of flowers.

Orange roses.

"Babe," perhaps because I was still drowsy but his voice was too deep and intimate. "I'm at legal age now," I gulped down when listened to him.

"You purposely picked this flower to me, what did you tell them?"

"I asked them which flower that could represent my deep feelings and burning passion for my significant other and telling him that I want to do it, I want to do it now,"

I want to do it. I knew it clearly. I held his hands and it felt so warm but composed. I had been thinking about this and wondering why he never asked this before. It turned out he was waiting until legal age to bring this up. But actually I had thought at first and made up my mind.

"You've grown so much," I caressed his hands. "Please take care of me, then," his ecstatic expression pinned to my heart.

After tonight I could confirm that our relationship was getting one step higher. It was getting stronger day by day and I could only hope it would last forever, since I was absolutely head over heels for him. All my soul and body was given to him completely now.

 

Surely enough being a college student was not easy but when I decided to become a movie director, I knew it would be harder. As for Marcus, he started to get a lot of jobs and surprisingly his school grade was getting a lot better. Anyone would be surprised if they reminisced how was he during first year comparing to himself now. And for Heinrich, he was even crazier than before. He was now the basketball team captain, the school president, and club leader of journalism club. He also created school broadcast channel and became the main caster. We still hung out together despite our busy times, but there was a news that really surprised me the most.

Heinrich decided to transfer school abroad at next semester.

He never told me this plan before. But what angered me more was Marcus told me he long knew about his departure. I was the only fool one here. I thought we were best buddies but he was becoming more deviant and uncontrollable.

I understood that he wanted to follow Kevin right away, but it would make him an irresponsible person. The moment he came to my house with Marcus, I punched his face right away. He was injured by my strong punch and I didn't care at all. It was also the first time for Marcus seeing me rage like this. I was angry and got angrier when I saw Heinrich in person thus I could no longer hold my anger.

He apologized for not telling me sooner as he had his "reasons". At the moment i heard that word again, I got turned off. My mind told me that it was never my business to tell him what to do. He must had his own reason for not telling me earlier because he knew I would object it right away.

As for the reason he told Marcus rather than me first was to make sure that he took care of the school presidency and team captain. Marcus had agreed with him. I asked Marcus once again and he was really confident. As for broadcasting and journalism, Heinrich already selected his predecessor and everything was well done. After everything was confirmed then he finally informed me, but the problem was only one month left until he fled.

As his buddies, I should be the one to support his better studies thus what kind of position I had the right to hold him?

It's exactly the moment that I understood very much that he was his own and this kind of possessiveness were all wrong from the very start.

"Take care, then,"

I looked at him for the last time. He's not yet lost himself. It's just me who was lost because of my own greediness. I couldn't stop him for leaving after all.

Ever since his departure, Marcus was busier than before. I decided to live at my university dorm and would only come back on weekends when Marcus and I had committed to spend together. Strangely enough even though we had lesser time to meet, those times were more intense and going deeper by days. I liked how he valued me the most.

I rarely went to his work but since it was his first video clip project, he asked me to visit the studio. I met with the Director at that time and got a chance to see how everything worked too. Marcus intentionally let me build a network here. This was not an average budget production after all even the Director and the team were all known.

It's a noir themed and Marcus was the main cast. He looked stunning with the black long coat and the fedora hat he wore. He approached the Director that was talking with me.

"What do you think about the idea that I suggested before?"

The Director gave him a nod. "Let's do it," he then looked at me, "Let's get yourself ready,"

I had a bad feeling before but a bunch of staff led me to walk to the another room already. I was asked to change clothes and get a little touch up. Marcus joined the room and gave me a brief.

"The main theme was about a man who was trying to save the girl from a mafia world, but actually it was just a cover for his real intention to get rid of her and get closer with his lover,"

"And I am the lover?"

He grinned, "There's no other lover I have,"

What made me embarrassed was there's still people in this room, you idiot!

"Your part is only to sleep on the bed," he said, "It's easy, just do what we always do," he said.

No, it's not! I didn't understand what he meant too anyway. I ran to the Director and discussed about what was his opinion and how he would like to direct. I got it right away after getting the whole concept and since it's planned thus I shouldn't mess it any other way.

 

I did not really have many scenes so I sat quietly and observed the process from further. Marcus was not a bad actor and he delivered the emotions using his body and expression. The appearance of the female cast was astonished me. It's Monica that made me believed it's not a shabby project after all. Monica was a high-paid model that worked for many jewellery brand, she had an elegant and glamorous look. It made the whole scene looked beautiful yet irony. It's noir anyway. 

 

I looked at how Marcus and Monica were at the same frame. They were both gorgeous, unlike human but merely porcelain. I never realized how beautiful Marcus was before. No wonder he got scouted right away. Only with a simple make up they could make him into perfection. 

 

I was only sitting in amazement while looking at such scenes.

It's a grand luck for not having same scenes with Monica. I was about to collapse only by thinking the possibility. My part was exactly as Marcus described. I only needed to sleep on the bed then Marcus would come to mine anyway. It's actually a simple story with many twist. Marcus was a confidant of a gang leader that was accused of backstabbing. He discovered that he was framed by Monica who longed for his heart. He then tried to runaway with Monica who was the leader's lover and drove her away from such world. But when he gained Monica's trust, he just left only to come back to the gang and took over the leader position. Little did they know the reason of Marcus rejoining the gang was because of me, the previous leader hidden lover whom he had an eye for.

"You're so lame I must say," I started our pillow talk session when we came back to my place.

"Why?"

"You work with many beautiful people but you still insist dating me, don't you feel tired of me somehow?"

He looked very calm. "You can't breakup with me, never," I was stunned by his response. I didn't mean that after all. "If that's really what you mean," he looked at me seriously.

His wide shoulder and chests were so irresistible, I could feel such warmth by touching him firmly. "I mean if you ever start to get bored with me or feeling less attracted to me anymore or if you ever start to have a slight change of heart maybe, please tell me earlier so that I can-,"

"No, never, it won't happen at all," he held my hands that were going around his body. "I only have my eyes on you, and it's overwhelming already, I love you to death and everything I did for you, is it not enough to make you see it?"

"I know it very well and that's why I'm being paranoid if you eventually will leave me,"

"Oh babe," he reached my back and squeezed me gently. "I must be either too dumb or too insane to leave you,"

The video clip went viral because of the twist at the end of story that involved me. Yes, since it's brought a same-sex relationship, of course it would make an uproar. Marcus took the credit and got a lot of casting after that. As for me, I started to work with the Director and slowly made my way to direct a music video as my final project. I was still working with the Director and help his team even after graduate. He became my mentor and my career was starting to begin.

After several years I thought I was happy enough with my career and love life. I was welcomed in Marcus' circle and our industry was quite close, I got to invite some models for my music video casts and he even handed me some video ads job too. It's as if we complete each other well. 

But the greediness of mine still longed for something actually. My dream of movie directing was still unaccomplished. I waited and searched for any opportunity to come but it's still nowhere to find.

Until finally a sudden appearance of Heinrich in front of my door aroused that greediness. His whole person reminded me of such sins that I possessed greatly. It's been a while not to devour my greediness. I welcomed him to come inside then I looked at him in bewilderment.

Without further ado, he showed me a movie script with a famous scriptwriter name at the cover.

Obsession. That's the temporary title of the movie.

"Help me, Senior," by looking at his eyes, he's not asking for help but conceited. Almost everyone in the industry knew this script history. It was indeed not an easy task to have this script in hands. If you're not someone in power, just keep dreaming then.

"Is that the first word you say after all these years?"

It had been 15 years since he left. "How do you do, Senior? I heard you're a Director now?"

Heinrich looked no different except he's gotten taller and mature than I ever remembered.

"You must know it well since you hand me this script,"

He smiled. That kind of smile that I vaguely remembered. "I know this is what you seek for, isn't it?" he pointed once again at the script.  

"Can I ask you how did you get this?"

"Do you miss me that much, Senior? If I tell you right now it will take more than a night to explain to you, don't make a lame excuse like that if you want to keep me here,"

I didn't respond him, he looked so different though. Without his familiar face, I would shoo this weird person at once.

"He's a dear friend of mine, he would give me the script under one condition, I have to be the male lead,"

A male lead?

"Don't worry Senior, I am actually an acting major graduate. I worked with several movie already in case you're not sure on my acting skills,"

"Heinrich," I read the script, it was a documentary film and it's indeed good. I hoped I didn't mess it.

 

He kept his smile intact. "Yes, Senior?"

"Let's do it," I tried to hide my excitement and kept being cool, but I guessed it made my expression worsen.

There were many things that I wanted to ask him, but I decided to refrain myself. Then I asked him to pick Marcus on his loft and had dinner together.

"He didn't move in yet?"

I shook my head. He then grinned until I could see his fangs, "No or not yet?"

"Why did it matter you?"

"Nothing," from the looks of his, it did matter to him. "I thought you two got engaged and moved in together,"

Well, I never thought about it before. What was I thinking? What made me not to live with him?

"I never asked him and he never asked me too,"

"But do you want to live with him?"

Did I want to live with Marcus? A 'yes' word was undeniably leaving my mind, but it stuck somewhere so I could not answer him right away.

I just ignored it and focused on driving. Only a long silent after that. There were many things that I wanted to ask him but I felt like I didn't have a mood to.

Even a simple question like, how are you, I was only afraid it would let to another question that he would not answer too.

I didn't knock Marcus door but opened right away using my key. I explained to Heinrich that he was just finished working on the morning so I was sure he was sleeping in his room at this hour. And I was right. The guy was sleeping soundly when we came in.

I woke him up and Marcus saw me with a smile. He was looking so exhausted. But when I mentioned there was Heinrich with me, he opened his eyes wide and stood up from his bed.

He was startled and gave him a 'hi' then went straight to the bathroom. I asked Heinrich to wait at the living room and looked for any snack before having a dinner. I took some free stuffs from his work like cookies and handed it to Heinrich. He then took it without opening the plastics, he was just busy roaming around the place.

 

"Don't you think this is similar to what he received back then?" Marcus pointed at the cookies that were wrapped nicely in a plastic and a pink ribbon. 

 

"Ah? Yes, and I am still eating his stuffs shamelessly like this," I grabbed a bite of the nicely smell cookies on my hand. In fact, I knew that Marcus noticed I liked these kind of freebies and gifts so he decided to take them all back and handed to me. He was indeed keeping these for me only.

"He was almost everywhere, I saw him right after I landed at the airport," well, as an ambassador of a famous fashion brand, Marcus could be seen everywhere. He nailed it though. The only reason for him not to go international was truly because of me. This stubborn person was known as a picky one who never accepted any overseas job.

When Marcus was all dressed up, he shamelessly hugged Heinrich and said he missed him. He then asked many questions to him that I were about to ask before.

 

He was fine, living well as an actor there. He didn't aim for being known and enjoy playing parts in an indie and festival movies. Then when Marcus was asking whether he came back for good or not, Heinrich looked at me instead,

 

"I actually came here for asking Senior's help. I got a movie script from my dear friend and I wanted him to be the exclusive director,"

 

Then Marcus looked at me, as if waited for my responses.

 

"Yes, and that'll be my very first movie project,"

 

After hugging Heinrich for too long, he then rushed to my side and hugged me tight. He squeezed me and kissed me on the cheek.

 

"Congratulations, babe! You'll do great!" after that, Marcus looked at Heinrich, "But that didn't answer my questions, dude. Are you coming back for good?"

 

"I haven't decided yet," the way Heinrich answered Marcus but kept an eye to me made me anxious. It's as if I was the one that would give him the decision. Or was it only my imagination only?
 

"Then, let's go to our usual place! We can talk more later, it's been so long for us three mingle like this,"

Marcus grabbed both Me and Heinrich on his arms. He was a big boy indeed even though Heinrich was taller, he still looked small beside Marcus. Oh, it had been almost 15 years and these two guys changed a lot physically.

When they were together, it looked like there was nothing much changed on them. I suddenly missed those moments of us during high school days.

 

When we left, I told Marcus that I wanted to stay at his place for tonight and it's quite rare so he was surprised when I told him so. Usually Marcus would be the one to sleepover and spent times at my place, but somehow, I felt like I just wanted to.

Then I decided to stay longer at Marcus place. I knew when the filming started, I would have less time with Marcus. Obviously I would rarely went home so to make up the time, I dedicated most of my time with him.

 

Since Heinrich was looking for me to discuss about the movie, I also invited him to Marcus place instead. We talked a lot as an actor-director professionally. Marcus was also there, somehow he cleared his schedule and stayed a lot at home.

Of course I noticed the differences on Marcus actions these past weeks but I didn't want to discuss more.

When the filming was started, I had to go outside the city so I left Marcus alone for a month as a first. We all rented a villa for me, the actors, and also staffs that worked together. I shared a room with Heinrich as he asked me first. I just okayed without thinking.

The signal was bad, as if we were all isolated in such places. Even the TV channels were limited so it's actually a depressing time. I saw that Heinrich was getting along well and always in a good mood. Unlike me, I rarely left home, I felt homesick easier. I missed Marcus too. All I could do was messaging him. It's too old-fashioned.

Obsession was about a small actor who asked a director-to-be to create a documentary film of his life. The actor actually liked the director and used the opportunity to show his shades and charm. The director then started to be obsessed with him while followed his day-to-day life and got to know him better. The hardest part of this project was how to successfully portray the real charm of the actor and make it as the reason of the director's love through the film.

And it was the scene when one night Heinrich was indulged in a heat and the director was standing there motionless, holding the film. It was his first awakening.

I was speechless when I looked at his acting through the monitor. His eyes were piercing through the camera, like he was about to eat me up alive. I was even forgot to say cut in time. It was so beautiful I even took a deep breath. He was unexceptionally good.

"Senior, what do you think of my acting today?" He just got out from taking a bath when he talked to me before sleep.

"Good," I didn't know why I hid myself when answered him.

"Is it?" He looked happy enough with such words.

"Is it hard for you to act as Dave?" Dave was the main lead's name.

"Actually I am acting as myself too much today. I am afraid it is too out of line,"

He climbed up to his bed with a messy hair and a half-wet bathrobe. He usually slept with his boxer only so it meant he still wanted to talk more.

"Senior, do you think people can fall in love easily by such a stare?"

"Hmm?"

"I thought a lot on how to make it sense, but was that convincing enough?" he got up again and got closer to my bed. "What do you think, Senior?"

"That's possible, though,"

"Senior," he suddenly sat on my bed and I had no choice to look at him. "Can you really fall in love with someone just by staring into their eyes?"

He stared at me and I was forced to look into those eyes.

1... 2... 3...

I didn't dare to look at him anymore. "Of course,"

"Senior, try to look at me," he reached my jaw and turned my head to his direction. "Look at me closely,"

1... 2... 3... 4... 5...

"Do you feel it?"

I must be the foolish one here if I didn't realize it after all. Everything was now making sense and I was that oblivious to his clues from the very start.

It was me, the one whom he admired, right? It was me whom he liked, and it was me also whom he tried to seduced with, right?

It all made sense now. But I didn't want to ruin such mood. I could pretend to play dumb till the end after all.

"Feel what?" Even if I wasn't that skillful for acting, it should be convincing enough.

Heinrich just stood up and took off his bathrobe then go to sleep after that. At the next day and the following days, we were still filming in a very good mood. I tried to maintain his mood and playing dumb to his move every time he tried to flirt with me.

But every time I played dumb, my heart was racing hard. I was thinking a lot of things he had done to me during high school. I also tried to remember the first time we met before school. Where and when was it possibly?

On the last day of wrapping up, Heinrich gave me a flower bouquet as a thank-you gift. It was camellia, my favorite. He also insisted on taking me home too. Even though I said Marcus was waiting me, he took me to his car by force.

"Thank you for driving me, you must be tired, go home and take a rest, bye," I didn't want to invite him to come in after all.

I never missed home so bad before. But when seeing Marcus was lying on the sofa, I rushed to his embrace and hugged him tightly. I missed him more rather than the bed. He was right, we should not take an overseas job or anything that would separate us for a long time like this from now on. Missing him was a real torture.

"Babe," oh, here comes our pillow talk session.

"Hmm?" I felt like I had no other strength to respond him. I reached out to his arms when I was just about to sleep.

"That camellia was from Heinrich personally? I saw the card at the bouquet when I put my glass there," he pointed at the bouquet that I put on display.

"Yeah, why?" I could not even lift my eyes and look at him since he went silent. "Are you getting jealous just because I put that there? It's camellia, though," he must knew I only put camellia in my room since it was my favorite. I just habitually did it.

"You had your eyes on him back then, how could I not be worried?"

That's when I gained back my own senses and gathered all my strength to turn my head and look at him. "What?"

"Didn't you?"

"Didn't what?"

"Back then, I noticed how you saw him differently, it's like your eyes were only fixated on him. You were really interested on knowing the guy he admired like a jealous person. That's why I confessed to you, I knew you would not reject me since it would ruin us and you would eventually lose him too. I didn't care if you didn't like me back then and I was determined to make you like me with my charm. But when he came back here, and when I saw the way you were looking at him... and then you were with him all the time, I could not even contact you back then... I don't know... I am just scared..."

I was noticed his eyes were shaking too much. I never saw him with this kind of eyes before. He was always a determined and brazen brat. So what made him scared like this now?

"Babe, what if one day he tells you that he loves you? Will you love him back? Do you still love him now?" he was indeed looking afraid. He held my hands so tight like I was really going to go.

 

Love him? Is it the answer that I look for all the time?

 

Did I really love him? Or do I even love him?

 

Not 'obsessed' to 'possess' him, but 'love' him?

 

"You... Why do you think like that?" I was surprised at how this ended as a very serious conversation.

 

"You don't love him?" but when he asked like that, I was only silent. He surely looked upset at what I did, but I never lied to him and I was not used to do that. I only tend to hide things.

 

"Babe, I love you, I really love you too much. The only lie I told you was when you came to me that time. I said my friends put my name on the application, but it was actually me. I always wanted to get closer to you, I already had my eyes on you since my orientation days. But now since I have you in my arms like this... I..."

He reached my whole body and squeezed me hard. I could even feel his body was trembling.

"I am so scared of losing you..."

"Marcus," I called out to him. He refused to look at me first, so I forced him to look back to me.  "Hey," I called him again. His frightened look suddenly locked into my eyes. "I am here," I tenderly kissed him to make him less frightened. "Oh I am not leaving you, Babe..." I kissed on his cheek and he looked slightly better.

"Don't get jealous anymore. I don't like it. I don't want to scare you like this, I won't do that again, I promise,"

The day after, Heinrich was visiting my place when Marcus was still there. The atmosphere was getting tense. The way Marcus treated Heinrich was also different.

"Hi, I am about to ask Senior for a lunch together before we have a post-filming meeting this evening," it was Marcus who opened the door.

I peeked at the front door and just about to grab my coffee at that time. Heinrich spotted me and waved at me, so I had no choice than to waved back to him. I welcomed him to come inside since Marcus was still blocking him at the door.

"I didn't know we had a meeting today," I handed him a cup of coffee.

"Oh? They didn't inform you? Thankfully I came here earlier then, we still have time, no worries,"

Actually I planned to go with Marcus to attend his event today, so I said to Marcus that I was sorry we had to cancel the plan. He also needed to go in a minute but he seemed reluctant to go. I whispered to him not to worry and just go. He would be late and it's a rush hour too.

I went with Heinrich who was more attentive than before. Perhaps I was indeed too ignorant to realize it before, but he cared too much. When I was sitting in the passenger seat, he put the seat belt on me first. It was very awkward, I was not that dependent actually.

 

We were about to grab a lunch first as he said. There was a restaurant that he wanted to try and he was taking me to have a lunch there. It was a French restaurant with a fine dining concept, it was so fancy and the food was so pricey. Heinrich once again insisted to pay the bill since he was the one who suggested the place. To not make things complicated, I wasn't persistent and just agreed with it.

Then after having a nice meal, he said we still had time before the meeting started so he suggested us to go somewhere first. I didn't complain much and just went along. Without him knowing, I was checking with other staff about the meetings by texting, and they all said there was no meeting planned for today.

 

When we were arrived, I thought of something, did he intentionally make it a date?

I could see a large park with a culture center building. There was a book cafe and also mini theater inside.

Well, I knew this place but never visited it. It was quite far and actually not an appropriate place for me and Marcus to have a date. Yes, this kind of place was not suited for Marcus after all.

But for me and Heinrich, it was a sanctuary.

"I always wanted to go here, let's go, Senior,"

He went inside the culture center and walked joyfully. I was right behind him and took a nice look of the place. Well, to say if this was a date or not, I didn't give a fuck anymore.

We went to the display area first then went to the mini theater. There was a short movie playing inside so we took a seat and watched. Then we walked through the park and enjoyed the scenery. After having a ton of walks, we decided to chill at a book cafe.

Heinrich calmly sat and enjoy his tea when I had my second caffeine today.

"There's no meeting after all, right?"

Heinrich turned away instead, "Ah, is it tomorrow then?"

"No, it's next week but it's staff only," I had made sure of the schedules though. "Heinrich, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean, Senior?" He only dared to look at me in the eye for a split second.

"You purposely bring me here for what reason actually?"

"Ah, I just wanted to visit this place and I thought you could accompany me then,"

"Heinrich," I was getting more upset knowing he was hiding things.

When he was finally focused on me, then I started talking.

"Let's just be frank now. The guy that you used to admire back then, it wasn't Kevin, right?"

Heinrich looked startled. "No," he sounded firm.

"Okay, then can I ask you one thing?"

The book cafe had a small window next to our seat that was let opened so the chilling breeze just hit us all of sudden.

"Please stop. I ask you to stop whatever you're doing. Whatever you feel for that person, please just stop it,"

He looked frozen. His lowered his head and then he opened his mouth,

"If that's what you want, Senior," he looked at me smiling but I just felt it was somehow bitter and painful to my eyes.

I slurped another sip of coffee. The breeze from outside was really annoyed me. 

"But isn't it so unfair to me, Senior? How about I tell you my story first then you can decide it later?"

When I was distracted by the breeze, I noticed how the person in front of me suddenly changed his bitter smile to a wide and full smile.

"The first time I met him was actually a life-changing moment to me. We met when I was waiting for my brother's math Olympiad which he participated as well. For him I might be a nobody or another passerby in his life but to me, he was a savior actually. Since then, there are 3 things I wanted to tell him. First, I am sorry. I am sorry for what my Brother did to him. It was my Brother who stole his ID and made him failed to join the Olympiad. Yes, I was ashamed of my own brother's doing. I wanted to make up for the things he did so I decided to payback, I wanted to help him reached whatever he dreamed of. The second one, it's thank you. I am truly grateful to meet him. He made me who I am now and I want him to know how important he is to my life. He changed me to be a better self, he even gave me a life purpose. Before I met him, I was so lost and didn't know what to do in life. Everything was so dull to me, there's nothing interest me at all. But after knowing him, getting to know him, I was forced to be someone better at everything and he even made me who I am now. He was truly a great person that could change anyone around him. And I wanted to tell him that he was that valuable, without me he could reach his dream on his own, and I only made an excuse to be part of his life. and the last thing I wanted to tell, is that I love you,"

He changed the subject from "him" to "you", whether it was unintentionally or not. But from the start to end, he was talking about me. Yes, it was all about me.

"I love you, it turned out that this is not only a simple admiration feeling. I realized it too late and I know it was also too late to tell you. I never wanted to bother you actually, I never wanted to make you irritated by my presence, so I hid this feeling because I thought you were not okay with this kind of unnatural feeling. I know you very well, Senior. I knew everything about you. I know you like Camellia than any flower, I know you like to win in a competition, since I know that you're an ambitious person, I know everything you like and dislike. But apparently I still don't get you when you accept to date Marcus at that time. It was the most regretful moment in my life. I angered myself. Why? Why did you easily accept him like that? Was it because you really liked him? But if yes then why couldn't I see it before?"

He looked devastated.

"Now tell me, Senior, did I do enough for you to forgive what my Brother did to you?"

"Heinrich," I called to him. "I never blamed anyone for that. It happened anyway and you shouldn't feel guilty at all. But I must thank you for everything you do to me. I asked you to stop simply for your own sake. I want you to live freely,"

I held his hands but he then put my hands to his cheek and rubbed it gently.

"I did a good job, right?"

"Yes, you always do," I used my other hand to patted his head. He looked like an abandoned cat that was thirst for care.

"Tell me senior... Can I still love you from now on, then?"

"No, don't love me, it won't work," I pulled my hands from his grasp. "I really appreciated your feeling to me, but I love Marcus now more than anything. So please don't love me, don't like me, don't be friended with me again. I think that's for the best,"

"Aren't you being too cruel, Senior?"

I must to. "It's something that I should have done from the start. I just realized that I can't have you both in my life. I am too selfish to even think about it,"

"So you've decided," he looked unmoved. "I guessed this will be our time to part ways,"

I nodded and he stood up then hugged me all of sudden. I sensed how my body reacted differently when being hugged by him. I felt relaxed. It's a different sensation when I was with Marcus.

 

What was it? I felt something just choked me up.

 

When he stared into my eyes, I couldn't help but to stared back. He caressed my cheek with tenderness and I suddenly opened my mouth to tell him,

"I must to tell you something. I liked you back then too. I guessed I never realized it until now. You're like an obsession during my youth. Thank you for your time with me and everything you gave me until today. I already have someone that would take care of me from now on so you don't need to worry. It's time for you to achieve your own goals then. Can you promise me that?"

He nodded. "But I need time to think it first," his smile, a lovely smile that looked bitter.

"Take it as much as you need. It's your life anyway,"

He laughed. I suddenly had a vague memory of the time he told me the first time we met. I remembered talking to a boy who just sat in front of the gate when the competition had started long ago. I couldn't get in since I lost my ID but I had to wait for my schoolmates who participated together. So that's him. I vaguely remembered the sight of him.

Heinrich drove me home but I asked him to drop me at a hotel lobby instead. It's where Marcus were. I hoped I didn't too late to the event.

"Senior," Heinrich called me when I was about to go out when we arrived. He gave me a suit. "Take this, I'm not sure what's the event but I think you need to change first,"

I nodded and said thanks.

"You can return it later when we meet again,"

The suit was fitted well unexpectedly. I waved at him when I was outside and I knew this was really a goodbye to us.

But I was happy to end it with Heinrich. Now it's time for me to live at present time.

When I went to the hall, it was a grand launching of a new brand that Marcus was the ambassador of it. I looked for the most crowd part of the hall and found Marcus there.

He looked happy to see me but he told me to enjoy as much as I could since we were about to leave soon. I didn't really know what to do since this kind of event was not my thing. Marcus then escorted me to meet someone, there were a movie producer and also director, he introduced me to every one of them and let me build my network. We were always together during the event and he didn't even let me alone for once.

There was an after party afterwards but Marcus declined it right away. He told to everyone that he had a schedule in tomorrow morning so he dragged me out of the place. He drove me home with his car but he was just being silent since we were inside the car.

"It's rare to see you in a suit,"

"Oh, thankfully Heinrich just borrowed me this suit or I would embarrass you back there,"

 

He didn't look too happy, or he might be just tired. "It's such a waste to go back home like this. Why don't we just register our marriage instead? Looking you in a suit like now really make me impatient to wed you,"

"Did you just propose to me?"

He smirked, at least his expression was looking better. "Do you want me to kneel down now?"

"Yes, please do so,"

He stopped right away. He then looked at me and stared right into my eyes deeply. "Babe, do you want me to propose you, really?"

I couldn't guess what he was thinking about. "Well if you don't want it, then-,"

"No, I want. I want it. I said it before, I want to wed you. If I propose to you now, will you accept me?"

Apparently, he was expecting me instead. "Why do you think I will reject you, then?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because you love me less than I do to you, or maybe it's because you still can't see my sincerity of our relationship, or maybe-,"

There, his anxiety was coming out again.

"Stop it, there's no way I'd reject you anyway. I'm always expecting you to propose first,"

"Babe," he widened his eyes. "I would've done it after we graduated though. There's no time I ever love you less, I always wanted to live with you but I was afraid you hated such idea so I tried my best to be considerate. Don't you know it's hard to sleep at my own when I could hold you in my arms every night in your bed?"

I laughed at his whining. "Right, I shouldn't wait for you first. Then, will you move in with me?"

"And marry you?" he really insisted on this too.

"Yes, marry me too, Marcus,"

He kissed me with a big joy. "I'd love to," he then hugged me so tight until I found it hard to breathe.