Thursday 28 January 2021

[One Shot] When the World is Against You, I Won't

It was already a lifetime I followed and observed her.

A woman with a hint of bitter smile in her resting face, an owner of eagle-eyed stare and a hunched posture due to her anxiety.

A woman with a troubled mind with nothing clear in her head. The most impulsive person you would meet and an awkward person in nature.

She hugged me from the back, telling that I shouldn't go anywhere.

I reached her arms, and whispered, "I will go nowhere,"

She smiled. She already relieved at my words, without knowing whether it's true or not. But in fact, I wouldn't leave her at all.

I promised to myself, and to her, to always beside her, I would embrace her, no matter what. If anyone said that I was already in love with her, I was, perhaps. I loved her as my own self. I loved her unconditionally.

Even if she didn't love herself either, that's okay. I loved her enough so that nothing would worry her. She could do anything she wanted, and I would always support her.

Her wrongdoings or her wrong choices, those are all okay. Because as long as I believed her, I knew she could correct them all. No matter how long it would take, she would eventually find a way.

After that, she walked away towards a door. I could see her proud and confidence were rising up. I followed her each step, and stood behind her.

"Come in," a man with a black suit was calling to her.

She walked to the place that he pointed.

"Please be seated," said that man, so she did what he said.

After a moment to relax and find a comfort position, she sat straight, and looked at the man with a clear smile.

"Now please explain to us what happened,"

Tuesday 26 January 2021

The Journal of Surviving the Pandemic With A Goal of Keeping Sane All the Time - 2020 Edition

Hi, congratulations for being able to pass 2020 safely!

And here I welcome you to... 2020 patch 0.1, which is... 2021!

Well, the first month of 2021 will be over and I can assume the whole world is not getting any better in short time. We must endure another year, or perhaps, it's really us to make peace with the condition and try to live in a whole new way. I don't know what will happen and to think more will only hurt my mind, so I let everything whatever it will be.

As usual, I would like to look back for the past year with some short monologue for the following year.

Dear 2020,

Actually, you are not that worse. I still liked you, though. 

As I ever said, maybe this is how my wishes come true, to suppress my tendency to waste money on traveling. Well, you did well for that since all my travel plans are ruined and I was stuck at the same place every time.

On the positive side, you taught me how to be "not-giving-a-fuck" for most of the time. You also gave me more time to self-reflect, to get to know myself more and more. All I had to mind was how to keep sane and clear my mind, despite of all the chaos happened. Since almost everything was not going well in my life, and I bet so was everyone, it was the hardest to reduce the stress level to bare minimum. We got to watch bad news everyday and tried to follow such procedures that disturb our usual, those were actually too hard to endure.

But did you know?

Being a fujoshi was actually one of blessing in me to survive. The whole year, I clenched my thirst of high quality danmei and their adaptation endlessly. I even bought an e-book reader in order to fancy myself and it's already filled with a lot of danmei books lining up to be enjoyed. I also woke up every day with a high spirit to keep on living and watch the newly released episodes.

I was grateful to be able living in such a world in such a perfect time. If I did not find out about it on time, I did not know how much regret I would have in life. I might went overboard but that only showed how much I was very grateful for this.

My journey of 2020 was not about where I went, but instead, what title that I enjoyed and left a notable remark in my memories.

 On the first quarter, I read Scum Villain Self-Saving System. This was the last book from MXTX that I read and the only word to describe the whole story would be... Hillarious. It's very entertaining with its raw style of writing, comedy and tragedy were blended into one, and less chapters than the other MXTX books which made it fast-paced.

And also during the year, Heaven's Official Blessing manhua was released weekly. And I did not have to mention this one since it's the best thing ever happened during 2020. It was drawn by Starember, the artist that I used as reference to imagine the characters while reading the book. Not to mention that she followed the book precisely and drew it beautifully, I was really contented every time the chapter is released. Additionally, the donghua was released too which was breathtaking. Every adaptation was staying true to the original story. I was thankful enough for that.

Since I would only mentioned the "remarkable" one, thus I would not mention each title that I read or watch,

Then on the second quarter, Where Your Eyes Linger was released. It's a korean webseries, that, in term of quality and production, it's a top notch and the pioneer of other webseries with the same genre. I loved the chemistry of both main characters and especially when the uke was not that feminine but still looked beautiful in a manly way. Also the soundtrack was worth repeating, that's why it's quite hard to move on from the series either.

After that, I needed to mention The Legend of Exorcism donghua (Tianbao Fuyao Lu). I honestly did not read the book since it was not yet finished translated. I gave up reading MTL version though. But since the donghua was very funny and the characters were all hottie, I could not resist to not mention this. I also believed that it would have the second season and I'd wait patiently then.

Also, the Scum Villain was releasing the donghua. It was way too hilarious, I loved how the production house executed it well with such a tight budget. The graphic was actually pitiful, it's as if the whole money was put on the both main characters and no money left for other details. But, the low-budget production was one of the hilarious aspect that added the laughable moment. I always screamed and laughed everytime. It's imperfectly perfect.

On the third quarter, I read Golden Stage or Huang Jin Tai. I loved it very much and I must thank the one who tweeted to recommend the book. It was actually very relaxing to read, it's somehow... great on its own way. It was very enjoyable, I loved the pace. It was not a slow burn, not too fluffy. It's... How should put it... It's perfect to read if you were not in a mood of political, angsty, or too fluffy. It had a great proportion though.

And finally, on the end of quarter, to close the year, there were two remarkable title that were worth to praise. First, Cherry Magic, a japanese series that I once thought to become the best thing ever to close the awful year with a sweet memory. It was very alluring since the first episode, and it's going strong until the last episode. I liked it very much, it's very funny but painful too. And I just realized that this was the only series without kiss scene of the main characters, at all. But still, each scene was breathless.

Then, when I thought Cherry Magic was the best of all, another title came out, which made me indecisive to which I should acclaim the "Best of 2020" to. It's Your Name Engraved Herein. I already got curious since the first trailer, but I had to be patient to release on Netflix at the end of December. It's the highest grossing movie of 2020 in Taiwan, and it's already remarkable milestone considering its genre. All I could say is that I repeatedly watched the movie all over, and still admiring how beautiful each of every scene. I loved every part of it and I could not even remember if there was another best film ever existed. 

It's like the perfect portrayal of a BL movie should be. It reflected an identity crisis and confusion of youth feelings, conflicting with the present society and also religious side. The cinematography was well executed with breathtaking setting and color palette that symbolized the emotions. Additionally, it was also supported by such eye-pleasing actors that perfectly showed manly-to-manly affections, and tearjerker soundtracks that was too beautiful yet painful whenever I listened to. It's as if every part of it was a priceless art itself. The only thing that lacked the most was the ending.

And for all the title above that I mentioned, thank you very much. You're the main reason for me to keep sane during the awful year. You're giving me another hope to look forward to the following year. I was not really that furious at all of what I've been through or what I lost these past months. It's all because of you guys.

For the starting year, I recently noticed there were too many danmei adaptations that would be on air and ongoing filming. It's nice though. At least I believe that I could survive another day of such pandemic. I only hoped that the predecessor would raise the bar, become the great example and what to expect for those next-in-line.

And... Is there anything else that I must say except danmei?...

Well, talking about the pandemic, as a slightly privileged person, it's not really that upsetting to adapt the new normal, though. I am more worried if I'll be okay if we're back to normal. At least from this situation, I'll get to learn how to keep the distance with people. On a bright side, I get to limit the interaction with others and my circle is less than before. It diminishes the necessity for such courtesy and I can get to the point instead. Also, I am filtering what-to-share-to others more, vice versa. I keep on focusing of whatever that I prioritize the most and I also learn that whatever you desired is actually not that desirable.

And talking about people, about others. During the pandemic, we are all more aware of cleanliness. Isn't it great? 

And another great point, you can really cut off people that you think unnecessary to be around with or simply being a toxic to you far far away. It's such a great moment to get to know your surrounding and to keep or shoo them away.

Let's just be positive of every moments in our lives, shall we?