[One Shot] A Wicked Fate

In one of my dreams about you, there was one thing that I liked the most.

It was when you decided to choose me, all over again.

We were separated by fate, being forced to give up on each other, but then again after many exhausting years, I approached you again and you looked into my eyes.

Do you miss me?

You asked me while grinning. I was getting panicked on what to answer you. There's no a single word right enough to explain what I felt all this time.

Too much.

I stupefied by your presence, yet my mind went blank. I could remember all the pain that I had to endure, but once I looked at you again, it all went away. Only good memories left between us in my mind.

Even though I knew you had someone beside you, but you still embraced me. This kind of you, the wicked you, the bad you, I would gladly accept it in my arms.

But that's the worst part. You were never that bad which made me realized that it was just a dream. You already had a lover, that's a fact. And this half-like reality was the kind of dreams that I hoped to become true. I was too afraid to open my eyes to end this dream.

Was it wrong to fancy you like this?

I still remembered the days of our best times. I was too madly in love with you at that time. You were seeing me as another rebellious teen, but you always took care of me. You were hesitant to accept my confession at first. I understood why. 

You were worried if you wasted my youth for an elder like you. I never thought the 10 years age gap was a matter. After all, I was more matured than you. You were happened to born earlier than me but it's still a great blessing that we met each other. So age gap was not acceptable reason to reject me.

And to think that I would waste my youth with you was another nonsensical reason. But again, it must be tough times for you being chased by me back then. I was too persistent and did not accept to your rejection many times. Oddly enough, I was acting immature whenever I was around you.

You gave up eventually and agreed to make me your lover. That was the happiest time of my life. I knew your caring and attention to me was love too, and it was the only matter of time to acknowledge it. And I had to say, being your lover maybe the purpose of my life.

You were a sanctuary and I was your worshiper. I was devoted to you ever since we first met, and you could see how passionate I was at that time. My feelings for you grew bigger over time without a sign of weakened.

[Recommendation] Your Name Engraved Herein, Painfully Beautiful Love Story That is Worth to Rewatch Countless Time!

I had a high expectation of this movie, but all of my expectation was clearly devoured by the movie itself.

It's such a gem and yet another pain in the ass. I barely moved on from finishing the story and all I hope is another worthy movie to be expected, but I don't have a list at all up until now.

Anyway, let me introduce you to the movie itself, and warning, it would definitely contain spoilers!

 

It's "Your Name Engraved Herein". Whose name? Of course it's Birdy and Jia Han. Yes, t's indeed another BL movie! And I'd be delighted to tell you many times that this movie was a top tier.

Shall we take a look of the synopsi, cited from Mydramalist, first?

In 1987 when the martial law period ended, two Christian high-school students, Jia Han and Birdy, met at the school band led by a Canadian priest. One day, they were granted a day off to Taipei for the late president’s funeral. The two took a chance to explore the city and theaters, finding themselves inspired by brotherly love and freedom. 

Days after, Jia Han’s affection for Birdy has been awakened, but a much-confused Birdy pushed him away by pretending to fall in love with a girl. The misunderstanding separated them ever since until three decades later, when the two men met again in a foreign city.

Well,

I loved every part of it.

[Monologue] Looking at You

I once walked along the edge of a rocky beach. I was in a barefoot and I thought it was too dumb to do that. But the next day, I found myself walking in the same path at the same condition. I was still in barefoot, when the sharp of the rock surfaces hit me in each of my step.

Sometimes a pile of sand hid the rock too well so when I stepped on it, I thought nothing would happen. But I was wrong, and I did walk on it again, and again. I walked in the same path everyday.

I thought to myself on how dumb I was to repeat such mistakes.

But every time I stopped at the end of path, I smiled. I knew why I did this, what kind of thing I looked forward to.

I once assumed that beyond every pain you went through, there would be a satisfying reward you would gain. And here was my reward, right in front of me, at the end of path.

You.

How you worried about the blister in my foot, your nitpicking, and your endless whine. I found it as a satisfying action that showed how much you cared of me.

And a simple word as a 'I won't do that again' from my mouth would always triggered you to another whining.

I was hurt each time and you were always there. How was that kind of things being my own purpose to live on everyday?

Should I tell you that I already liked you?

If you asked me why, then I would say that I don't know. I just simply liked when you cared to me. I liked being the only focus in your universe. I might be selfish, but I selfishly wanted only you.

I only remembered all the good things between us. It was too weird, I was intoxicated by you.

And yet, on the next day, when I repeated such mistakes, you didn't even ignore me, you were always there for me, at the end of the road.

Was it supposed to be this hard, the path that I must go through only to be with you? Why weren't you stopped me and hugged me instead whenever I tried to walk on that path again?

Was it actually because you were enjoying how much pain that I had only to meet you there?

Were you secretly looking at a far all of my sufferings, and waiting at the end only to be the saint?

Then, I looked at you once again after feeling numb at my feet. A hint of smile in your face when you looked at me, I saw it clearly.