Everyone said I was so blessed for having him in my life. But did I really feel the same?
"What's your relationship with him?"
Relationship? Let's see. There were many terms we could opt. But I personally felt we didn't really fit to any of existing term thus I could only gave her a smile first.
"For now, I want to keep it this way," after a long pause, I decided to explain. Honestly, I didn't know as well.
"Don't you like him?"
"As a friend? Absolutely. As a big brother? Undoubtedly," she waited for my next word and I just stopped right there.
"What if one day he tell you that he likes you?"
"Did he ever tell you that?" I looked at her. She was keeping her expression good enough. I couldn't tell at all, or perhaps I didn't want to expect anything either.
"What do you want me to answer it?"
"I don't want to know," I looked cool on the outside, but actually I was shivered enough until my hands were shaken.
No way. "Anyway, he won't have a nerve to say that. He's waiting for me,"
"Waiting you to ask first?"
"Maybe," I tried to be confident though I was not really sure. But let me put a faith first. "All that I know, we don't want to change anything between us for now,"
"If anyone ask him what are you to him, what do you want him to reply?"
I grinned. "He knew what to reply already,"
She then looked at Louis, who was queuing to order the food instead of us. "I asked him once, a long time ago," Edith and me had a job to secure our seat since the cafe was so full and crowded. I would bring the food once they're ready.
"And what did he say?"
"Same thing," she smirked. This girl really knew how to made some nerves.
"If we're really in a relationship and getting committed, what if one day we have a change of heart and then lose each other?"
I finally told her my utmost fear.
"You may think I am not your best person to discuss about this issue, but you remind me of a quote, what is meant for you will come to you,"
"And that's exactly why I want to keep it like now instead. If he was meant for me, he will never go anywhere else,"
"Well, that's not wrong either, but what if someone snatches him away from you? Are you really okay with that? You can't really forbid him since you're no other than just friend. Anyway, considering your dark past with women, I'm not sure if he would stay any longer,"
I also asked the same too. Did he even think that I had a feeling with him? Even if I told him now, would he believe me?
Another fear that I had was adding up. He knew exactly that I only dated women in the past. I never showed my interest with men, well, I wasn't even sure yet. But one thing for sure, I don't want to lose him. Not now, not even in the future.
When Louis came to our seats, he threw the receipt on the table, giggled. Edith surely asked what made him looked like that.
"The cashier guy was just called me mon cherie, thinking that I was French," he smiled widely, looking satisfied.
"You're that happy when people think you have a French face?"
"I never heard anyone complimented me like that, but he called me that because of how I pronounce myself like a French, not because of the face though," his face was darken.
I was more than annoyed when I saw the cashier was stealing glance towards him. I wanted to stare back at him but I didn't want Louis to realize it. He was indeed cute and irresistible, but he was mine to begin with.
He was mine. But on what ground?
How to tell anyone to not touch him or even take a second glance at him?
"Anyway, what did you say about your plan next week?" I just changed topic right away.
He was always pumped up to talk about his holiday. "It's another beach party, there's a place that Olin recommended and she takes care of everything already,"
But next week was his birthday.
"You don't really have to come, we can meet up later," Louis knew that I hated party and beach. Beach party was never my thing. But once again, it was his birthday.
"I had other arrangement on that day, but I will join you later,"
"Really?" His puppy eyes were sparkling.
I nodded. "But I can't stay long,"
"That's fine," he shook his head and still cutely smiled.
I patted his head. Every time I patted, it was gentle and affectionate. I made sure that he knew how much I treasured him. Like even if he did everything I hated the most, I didn't care at all.
As long as it's you. Right, as long as it's still you.
That cashier was still looking at us when I glanced at him. I caught his eyes and he just turned away quickly.
We sent Edith home first then I drove to Louis place after that. He turned on the radio and the songs played were all about love. It's Saturday night though. Even the talk session was about love counseling session with the listeners. Louis was listening attentively as if he was immersed in such romantic scene. I didn't dare to talk to him just to be ignored.
Even when we arrived at his place, he didn't want to get off from the seat.
The story was about a girl with his crush who befriended with her since high school. They were so close at least until one day the boy had a girlfriend on his campus and she didn't want him to get close with another girl. They started to drift away and she asked whether she made a wrong move from the start. Would things go right if she confessed even it's quite late?
Louis looked at me, but when I looked back at him, I was at loss of words. "What?"
"Aren't you listening too?" He was upset.
"To what? Oh," I knew what he asked, but I didn't have a heart to voice out my thought. "Um..."
"Forget it," he then grumpily got out of the car and walked to his place.
I followed him since it's still early to me to go home so I should hang around more. "You're upset,"
"No, you're just too ignorant,"
"Of what? I was driving," after getting in I pushed myself to the bed. He then went around to change his clothes.
He started to take off his shirt, then his pants, then went to his closet and grabbed a white oversized t-shirt. He then sat next to me while I couldn't take my eyes off of him from the very start. He had a petite body and a slender figure. With just one push I could top him easily, didn't he know that already?
If he did, why would he even dare to be topless and sitting this close to me on his bed too?
"Okay just tell me, what is it then?" I begged him to stop, stop teasing me like this.
Unintentionally, I leaned myself closer to him until I could sense his nice smell. He liked fruity perfume on his clothes and today it's citrus. I bet it's his favorite after all.
He finally wore his t-shirt but it still exposed his collarbone since the size was too oversized to him. I could not look away from this kind of view. My hands were slowly reaching him. I already tried hard not to top him at this position actually.
I even could feel my breath was getting harder than usual. My heart was pounding hard. I could only hope he didn't notice it.
"I don't have the mood to talk it again. Just forget it,"
"No, no. Tell me," I must be lying if my eyes were not trying to expose his neck and his beautiful line of veins. What would happen if I grip his neck only to get closer to my lips so that I could taste his scent more?
My hands were finally losing senses and reaching his arms. Both of them. In just an instant, I pushed his body and I topped him. He was now below me, looking too pitiful and helpless. If I wanted, I could do whatever to him. And I wanted to taste every part of his body scent now.
"I insist," I tried hard to look only at his eyes only while those lips of him was looking plump and inviting me to devour wholly. I didn't notice at first he was using a lip balm to make those lips pink and... tempting. Was he initially tempting me?
He tried to get away from this awkward position, but still, I was stronger and bigger than him. He was a just a small deer for this old and hungry tiger. When he realized there's no way to get away from this, he just sighed.
"There's a girl, she has a crush on his old friend, and his new girlfriend ask him to stop meeting her. She then asks whether to confess or not,"
"Why didn't she confess at first?"
"Maybe she's afraid of losing his friend,"
"But finally she lost him too,"
"That's why she asks, is it still necessary to confess or not,"
"Will her confession make things better?"
"What do you think?" He asked me as if he really asked me, my heart and my whole person.
"What do YOU think?" I asked back to him.
"If I were her, I won't tell a soul,"
"Why?"
"If the boy had feelings for her, he would never have a girlfriend. Confessing won't make him come back to her. The world had given her the biggest reason to move on and find new happiness,"
I was staring at him all the time, from this top view. I now realized how much I was craving for this kind of view.
"But he would never know her feelings at the end,"
He nodded. "It's better than being rejected by your beloved, at least to me,"
"Is it?" I was wondering, was he really looking for a sign from me? From the very start until now, did he not realize my feelings yet?
What should I do to make him finally tell me, that he likes me?
This old tiger, after getting weaker by the scent of his prey, felt that his arms were no longer holding a strength. In no time he would let the gravity pull his whole body pressed to the prey. If that happened, the old tiger could not also hold his desire to devour this little deer.
Or, did he just try to flirt with me, since he undressed himself in front of me to even wearing this kind of shirt that was revealing-not revealing his body line?
Did I fall for his trap already?
Was he the tiger and I was nothing more than the little deer to him instead?
I finally threw myself off of him, lying next to him. Feeling weak and helpless, just like I thought the prey would be. It turned out that I was the prey, and I almost fell to his trap.
"Let me sleep here for tonight, I'm too tired to go home,"
"Get off your nasty socks first," he kicked my butt.
I reached my feet and threw them right to his face. "You like it,"
"I don't, I hate,"
"Hate me?"
"Yes, you too," he must be lying.
"I like it when you hate me, hate me more then,"
Even when I was feeling weak and defenseless, I could not set my eyes off of him. It's like my whole view was reserved for this person.
"Would love to," he smirked like a little devil, and that's the last thing I saw for tonight.
On the next day, I woke up a little early. Louis told me to get ready and drive him to the cafe we went yesterday. He left his card holder there. Hopefully it's still there.
I had a quick bath and put on any of his shirt. When we arrived, that same cashier guy was on the shift. He smiled widely and greeted Louis nicely.
"Hi, hello again mon cherie. Did you miss our food or miss me instead?" Urgh, I wanted to punch right at his horny face already.
But before Louis responded, he handed over the thing that belonged to him. "Just kidding, you must be looking for this,"
"Thank you," he took the card holder. "It must be rude for us if we just go right away so I want to order a coffee latte and butter croissant please. Eli? What about you? It's my treat, let's have a breakfast here,"
"Avocado toast and americano. But it's my treat now, you better look for a seat then," I pushed Louis away from this horny guy immediately.
"Alright," the cashier guy named Peter as I saw on his name tag was smiling to me when I sent away Louis from his sight.
Peter was also the one who served us the food to our seats. He attentively put the Louis order and then still stood there after he put all of our food.
"Actually, I wanted to call you about your card holder but I thought it would be rude to use your personal information from our member database,"
"It's fine,"
"So... can I call you later?"
Louis started to get the atmosphere. This guy was really too straight forward. Didn't he see me and my position here?
"Call?" He repeated such words awkwardly. He looked at me too with his blushed cheek.
"Yes, if this happen I will call you immediately so I can send to you instead, this thing must be valuable to you,"
"Ah, right. But you don't have to worry it won't happen anymore, I'm actually not that careless,"
"Obviously," he laughed and maintained his smile well. "But can I call you for any other thing?"
"What thing?"
"Like for in case I kind of miss you,"
If Louis was drinking, I bet he would choke right away. But thankfully, he was indeed not that careless. He could read the situation better.
"Um..." I was a little bit of shocked when he didn't really reject him.
"Just kidding, I will save your number and inform you if we have promotion or stuff,"
"That'll do,"
"Are you free today? Today was not actually my shift so I should not work but I came here knowing you'd be here looking for your belonging,"
"Well, my friend here will be away for his other meeting later, but I planned to go to a bazaar around here. One of my friends were the organizer so I will come to support her. If you want to go with me, it would be very nice, the more the merrier,"
"That's terrific! You guys, have a nice breakfast and I will join you after," he excused himself with wider smile than before.
I voice out my anger. "Why are you asking a stranger to go with you?"
"The more the merrier," just like his previous word. "Relax, if something happened to me, you know where to find him too, no?"
"But he's obviously flirting with you,"
"And?"
Yes, Eli, and? And what was your problem? You're merely his nothing to him too.
Or were you angry when he introduced you as friend to that guy? But wasn't it the fact?
"Are you even interested with that kind of look?"
"Well, I don't know yet. That's why I'm going to find out,"
He just giggled all the time and I hated this very much. I hated this situation. I could not stop him nor I had the position to do it.
What's worse, I really needed to go and let him with that guy alone. I had other plan and I could not cancel it suddenly.
I called Edith when I was on my way parting with Louis.
"Hey, I need you to help me. Take a look of Louis when he came to your event. He's about to go there with the cashier guy from the cafe we just went yesterday,"
Edith sounded laughing at me. "Are you jealous?"
"I'm worried. He's a stranger anyway, who would've known if he's a serial killer?"
"Well, I'll help you since you have a point. Maybe you should come pick him up here too later,"
"I can't, I'm packed for today. Just report everything to me later, okay?"
"Okay,"
The whole day felt so long and the meeting was quite dull. I couldn't think at all. But then a message from Edith distracted me.
First of all, you don't need to worry, he's not a your typical serial killer. Rest assured. But this might ruin your day.
She sent me a photo. A photo that I could describe as disturbing. It was taken when Louis and that guy tied in ropes with only balloon between them.
What the hell was going on?
Actually I just needed to run away since my mind was not present anymore. I didn't mind what they were talking about anymore. When it's over, I called Edith right away.
"What the f- Edith?"
She laughed. "Hey busy boy, what's up?"
"What's with that photo?"
"Ah... They participated in the games for couple. They had to make the balloon out safely with ropes tied between them. Well, sort of..."
"Couple?"
"Yeah, couple. Funny, isn't it?"
Edith and I knew clearly Louis was quite easy to get along with anyone but he would get easily annoyed being touched anyone except the ones he's familiar enough with. To think that he barely knew him in less than 10 hours would be a funny case.
"Then what about the serial killer? What made you say that?"
"Well, he rode a lambo, no serial killer I knew rode a lambo, and he's super nice and polite. He's looking fine as hell and he's the owner of yesterday's cafe and also the one we're going to next week! And you know what? He'll join us too!"
Join them? Join the party?
Oh shit. "Okay then, good, just keep close with them, I have things to do too,"
I dropped the call immediately. My heart was so uneasy. That guy was not just anyone. He could be the giant iceberg in our Titanic ride.
"Eli, Sir..." someone was calling out to me. "Have you packed your stuff? If yes you can gave away to our logistics team so we can check you in first,"
"Check in?"
"Aren't you aware? We're scheduled to fly earlier and our flights will be in the next 6 hours,"
"That won't do. Please change my flight to next morning, first flight is okay, I need to go somewhere first and I will take care of my own stuff, you don't need to worry,"
I ran away immediately. My mind was blank and I was getting so annoyed. It felt like I wasn't myself either.
Oh, right. I was on the verge of being crazy here. Whatever thought I'd do once I went to find him, would fathom the fact that I was going mad. So I went back to the staff earlier and said to her,
"Never mind, don't change my flight. I need to pack my stuff first. See you on airport later,"
I changed my direction straightly to my place. I hurriedly packed my luggage and then got a cab to the airport. One thing for sure, I didn't want to indulge in this suffocating feeling anymore and work would be the right distraction.
I need to fly right away to D. Hopefully I can make it to B right on time.
I messaged to Louis and not long after my phone was getting a notification.
Okay. Take care. Don't exert yourself, we can make other plan later.
No, I had to go there. I was always the one holding his birthday cake, the one who was in front of him even the closest when he made a wish. I was also the one who got the first slice. I had to be there on time.
After 3 days working out of the town, my mind was always wandering every night. Edith said the guy visited Louis every day and they were getting close each time. Her photos were making it worse. They were always together and getting close.
That guy liked to party too and followed Louis every night. He had high tolerance of liquor and a good chauffeur for taking a wasted Louis home. He did good at everything I lacked of. And that "everything" actually completed Louis kind of life too. I suddenly realized that perhaps I was never the heroine of this story, not even the main character of Louis' life too. I was just another supporting character that became the lesson learned for letting go such treasure.
That's why they always reminded of how blessed I was to have Louis in my life. It all made sense.
The next morning, after Edith reported how wasted Louis last night, I called him immediately.
"Hello?" This wasn't Louis voice. It's Peter.
"Louis?" I called his name.
"He hasn't woken up yet,"
"You're Peter, right?" I was finding myself harder to breath when I tried to picture what's going on.
"Yes. I was just arrived at his place to give him some meds and breakfast for his hangover. He was having a blackout last night,"
"I see," i was quite calm to know he didn't stay for the night. "Once he's awake, tell him to call me back, then,"
I hung up the phone immediately. All of my determination was completely gone once I heard that guy voice. I really had ruined my chances all this time. What if I ended up like that girl from the radio? What if I could never make things better for me and Louis anymore?
At the next hour, Louis called me but I kind of missed it. After that I tried to call him back, but this time, I missed it too. The whole day, we just simply missed each other's call. Now the fate had been telling me that I had enough chances to waste, time to bear fruit.
No, I still had a chance, and even if I still failed, I would try it again and again.
After my work was done, I flew away to B right away. It took me almost 6 hours to fly, and when I landed at the airport, a video from Edith just slapped me once again.
Louis was wearing a ring, and I knew right away it was from no one else than Peter. After walking hurriedly, I realized that I was way too late. I already had more than 10 years to do whatever that guy did in less than a week. If only I was not being too high and mighty, this wouldn't be even happened.
Now Louis was gone. I had no other way to get things right again. Was it really better to keep your feelings all by yourself at the end?
So as his friends, should I congratulate him and be happy for him?
"I can't do that," I was already gone mad to talk to myself.
I determined myself to confess to him right away, even if the outcome was clearly there, I would be rejected. But if I didn't hear it by my own ears, I could not accept such ill-fate happened to me.
It's almost midnight when I arrived to the beach club. I hoped I was not that late. I looked for Louis and I found him dancing at the corner of place with Peter at his side. But they were not alone, there were other parties around as well as Edith. I dragged her and asked where's the cake for Louis surprise.
"Oh? The thing is, we thought you can't make it on time so we..." she was on the verge of losing her mind already. I shook her to regain her conscious. If she was a guy, I would really slap him hard.
"What? Hey, Edith! Hey!" I called her but she was looking so wasted.
"We already did it with Peter, in about 15 minutes ago," Olin, the organizer of this party was coming out of nowhere. "Weren't you just arrived?"
We all knew how Louis thought of his birthday. It was a very special moment that he wanted to cherish every year. Being with the one he loved on his special day was like his annual schedule. He loved surprises and he loved being the man on stage. All this time I reluctantly did the most part for surprising him. And when I finally embraced such part, it was just taken right away.
"I think I'm still jet-lagged. Where's my key?"
Olin reached the key on her purse and gave me. "Rest well,"
I was feeling sick, worse than I had after I landed and it's not because of the flight. Not a rest would cure this sickness. I went to the resort that was not that far from the club. Right after I reached the room, I threw my body there, buried my face and hoped that I could bury my whole existence on this bed too.
I could not even sleep at all. My mind was full of those regrets I had. I started to reminisce memories with Louis. I didn't welcome himself well the first time we met. I never had the best attitude towards him but he still stayed with me. Even though I had changed much better, but it's never be enough.
Apparently the world had protected him from a jerk like me.
When I had buried my face to the bed for a long time, I looked at the belongings next to my bed. It's so familiar. When I saw the luggage and the hanging clothes, I was sure of one thing. I shared the room with Louis. It meant in no time he would come here. Was it really okay for me to let him see my worst?
I went to the bathroom to fix my appearance. I didn't want him to see me in a mess like this. I washed my face and freshened up myself. I organized my things and even made the bed. I looked at the window and I could see the club from right here. It's getting late, I looked at the time and it's almost 3 AM but those guys were still there.
I decided to go back and pickup Louis. When I arrived there, the only person I looked for was only Louis. Plenty of bodies were lying on the floor and everywhere, but I looked only for one particular person. When I found him, he was already drunk and Peter was trying to drag him out.
"Let me," I grabbed Louis arm from Peter harshly. I didn't even greet him and went straight to get out of the mess.
I saw Louis was already sleeping. I was worried, was he always like this every time he got drunk?
Thankfully he was quite light-weighted so I carried his body on my arms instead. I walked to our room and put him to his bed.
"You came? You're late to the party, though," I didn't realize he still woke up.
"Are you still awake?"
"I'm not drunk," but he laughed like a madman.
"Can you just stop doing this?"
"Do what?"
"Getting drunk like this. It's bad for you,"
"I have Peter... Hm? Where is he?"
I tried to keep my anger inside when I heard him calling his name. "What is your relationship with him?"
He giggled, laughed, but his eyes were still closed. "Here," he raised his other hand and I could see the ring.
"You're engaged? That's ridiculous. You just met him a week ago!"
He giggled again. "Funny, isn't it?"
"Do you think that's funny? It's not something you can easily agree with!"
"When should I wait to accept him, then?" he suddenly was up from lying on the bed with his irritated look. He hardly stood up and then counted his fingers. 1... 2... 3... 4... "Even 10 years would't be enough for you!"
I was frozen in my own position.
"I..." I didn't know how to respond him.
"It hurts... My body hurts... My hearts even hurt more..." he cried till he's about to throw up or get choked. He crawled and I didn't know what to do to help.
Was that a normal thing when you're drunk?
He coughed loudly, screamed, and then cried extensively. "It's all because of you! I want to erase you, forget you, but... but..."
I could feel his pain, his vulnerable side now. Even the reason he was drinking this whole time. I even remembered the first time he was occassionally going from a bar to another was when I dated a girl back then.
"I can't... Don't come to me again... I don't want to get hurt anymore..."
After he cried, he went back to sleep. I put him to his blanket. His face was soaked from his tears. His cheek was so blushed red like a china doll. He murmured something I could not transcribe. But his expression printed on me. He was in pain and it's because of me.
It's clearly because I toyed him for too long.
I couldn't sleep all night, not when I looked his pitiful face and how he was in screaming pain during his sleep. When the sun arose, I went to the closest shop to find the meds for his hangover. I also googled the best way to cure hangover and I bought all the supplements and pain reliever it suggested.
I informed the resort to bring our breakfast to our room instead. When I went to the room, he had not woken up yet. I put everything I bought to the table in front of him. He was sweating even though the air-con was set to coldest.
When he woke up, I must scold him not to drink anymore.
He gasped loudly right after he woke up. I was sitting at the other side, and hurriedly came closer once he opened his eyes. I brought him the meds and water before he wanted to talk.
"When did you arrive?" He coughed since he had a hoarse voice.
"You don't remember?"
He shook his head really slow. He got headache and it must had been hurt badly.
"You really should stop drinking," I brought him more water to his side.
"This is nothing," he was so stubborn. "I'm used to it,"
"You looked this bad, what are you aiming for?" I was still complaining even though I knew exactly what was his reason.
He sneered, "Are you really going here only to make a fuss of it?"
"What is this too?" I pulled his finger and pointed at the ring on his index finger. His sober self might explain to me in a better way.
But he flinched right away. "That's not your business,"
I stood up, feeling so stuffed inside. He was not mine to begin with. I was merely a friend, a real bad one who only knew how to hurt him.
"Give it to me, then,"
He stared at me long. I was serious.
"Did it mean something to you? If not, just take it off,"
"Why?" the more he tried to resist, the more I couldn't hold my anger anymore.
"Is that really important to you?"
He held it tight as if I threatened him.
"Just take it off," I sat on my bed in front of him. "I beg you," I sounded so helpless now.
"Did I say something last night?"
"I don't want to talk about it now, but I hate the sight of that piece,"
"It's nothing," he wore it off and then put it to his pocket. I couldn't believe what I just saw.
I knelt down in front of his lap to get a better look. He was still Louis after all, My Dear Louis.
"Why this even bother you?"
I pushed him so that he would take more rest, "Why don't you get more sleep and try to remember what did you say to me last night? We can have a talk later,"
"I'm bad at remembering things,"
"Then, just have a rest for now," I tucked him in and then laid on my own bed. "It's been a rough night for me too,"
Looking his current state made my mind at ease and the drowsiness just came in.
"And don't ever try to leave me alone here," I muttered right before I was asleep.
After having a sleepless night, I realized I was sleeping soundly without a dream at all. When I woke up, I saw him still on his bed, scrolling at his phone but he was already freshened up.
"Olin and Edith were just here, they asked to grab a lunch together,"
I looked at the time and it's past noon already. I just had a slice of banana for breakfast and my stomach was screaming of food.
I stood up and prepared to take a bath. "Tell them to pass. I just missed your birthday party, let's have a lunch only two of us, it's my treat, you choose,"
He looked very happy, as simple as that.
"Hey," I stopped myself before going in to the bathroom. "I am sorry to miss your birthday,"
"No prob," he still put his smile around. "I am still choosing the finest dining anyway,"
I couldn't help but to laugh. He was still Louis I always knew. When I was out from the bathroom and grabbed my clothes, I saw Louis was lying on bed like a stone with his face covered by the pillow.
"What's wrong?"
"I mistakenly watched a sad video of kittens. My face is a mess right now, can you just wait me at the lobby first?"
He still hid his face and I bet he was ashamed by his ugly cry. "Okay then,"
I waited him at the lobby for about 15 minutes. What made him being so late only to wash away his crying face?
When he said the 'finest dining', he cruelly meant it that way. The one he took had an underwater dining area and it costed quite a fortune. He clearly put a revenge on me.
But we could see a magnificent view from here and it's very romantic, I shouldn't complaint anymore.
"So where's my gift?" How dare he still rudely asked after spending a lot of money for this restaurant.
"I did prepare one, but it's a surprise," I teased him.
"When will I get it?"
"When you're being obedient enough to me,"
"But I am!"
I giggled. "Are you? If so, will you stop getting drunk like yesterday?"
"Why did you hate it?"
"I don't like the idea of you being passed out like that. It's dangerous,"
He laughed. "But I'm not a little boy anymore you need to stop getting worried. And I always make sure I have my own company,"
"Edith was passed out first before you, Olin was too busy to handle others,"
"Don't you see Peter there? He's great at handling the liquors though. He's like a savior to all of us,"
That's the only reason I prohibited you for doing so.
"You barely know him,"
"Strangely, I felt like we've known for years. He's so dependable and loyal, at least to me,"
"That's because he likes you," there, I said it.
Louis was stunned. He was surely aware of it but he might be stunned to hear it bluntly from other people.
"So do you like him too?"
Our appetizers were coming first. Our topic was suddenly interrupted since we both were too hungry to resist for food.
"I do,"
How could you easily say that in front of me!
"I heard he owned the club you went yesterday,"
"Yes, he had a house here too. He invited me to come again tonight, there will be a guest DJ-,"
"Don't go," I calmly ordered him. He might be stunned for the second time, but he gulped down again his soup.
"Louis," I called him, to look at me in the eye.
When he did look at me, our next order was coming right on time.
"Do you like me?"
Even if we're starving, that kind of question did make him not to take a glance to the food in front of him.
But he did not answer me and suddenly put his focus to the food served instead. He tried to avoid but his eyes couldn't lie. Those eyes were shaking hard and losing focus.
"What if I say I like-,"
"Woman?" He interrupted me right before I finished talking. "You always like woman, I know,"
Now I was the one who was too stunned to speak.
"This steak is so damn good!" He tried hard to change the topic.
Was this already his way to never talk about this matter anymore? I was about to say that I liked him too but why did he change course?
Or, was he really not wanting anything else between us except being just friend? Did I read it wrong from the start?
I was getting upset. It's worst to being rejected like this.
When we finally had our moments of silence to eat properly, his phone was just ringing.
"Hello?" I wasn't sure whom he talked to. "No, no, I just had lunch. What's up? Tonight? Of course I'll come! Yes, okay, see you at 8!" He hung up the phone but I already knew it was Peter whom he talked to.
I was so upset. I just forbid him and he wouldn't listen. But I didn't want to ruin our day early. I tried to let it go just as it was.
We walked and went to the market near our resort. After several walks and the sun was about to set, we finally came back to our room. Edith was seen playing billiard at the lobby so we joined for a while. I didn't notice there was another guy had joined the game before, but then he wagged his tail when he saw Louis came. It's Peter. He followed whenever Louis was around. I didn't have the mood to join anymore so I just went to the bar and ordered some refreshment.
Besides, I really needed a distraction here to calm my mind. Seeing a sight of that guy surely made me anxious all the time. It might be because of Louis told me that he liked him too and how he felt connected easily with him. It's like a fate, wasn't it?
And I hated how I was always messing myself here alone. The thought of that guy around him always pissed me off. And the fact that I failed to confess to him was also bothering me. Everything was so messed up. I couldn't make it less better.
When it was getting real dark and the lights were on, Louis finally excused himself to prepare for the night. He then found me at the bar, sitting with dark face. "Aren't you tired already?"
Well, I just finished a jug of lemon tea, I wanted to pee more than anything. "No, let's go back to the room,"
When we went straight to the room, he then secured the bathroom and about to wash himself. I just laid on my bed, drowned by my own thought. It was when I finally turned my head to the right side, the embossed glass window of the bathroom showed a silhouette of a figure.
There, I could see an obscure sight of him showering inside. It was kind of blurry but the silhouette was way too revealing. I could see his body line, how he moved his entire body and everything. Even if it's just a black silhouette, I felt my chest burned.
So that's exactly what he saw earlier. He didn't cry because of watching some random things.
Whatever it was, I was sure of one thing. This should be settled here and now. I had never been this clear before.
I then went in to the bathroom, precisely knowing that he was still showering. He was startled when the door was opened. I started to undress myself and then jumped to sit on the washstand, the opposite side of the shower. Only a thin glass wall between us now. And I had been this hard since I saw his silhouette outside.
The warm shower was blurred the glass wall but I still had the best view from here. Man, it's hot. The room was so hot and steamy, but I didn't try to hold myself anymore.
"What are you-,"
"Right now and right here, I want nothing but the truth," I started to speak when he stopped showering. There were no more bubbles on his body, only drips of water revealing every of his body parts.
He looked flushed and tried to hide his entire body with a towel hanged behind the door. I jumped off quickly and stopped him. I threw the towel off of him and pushed his body towards the washstand. He could go nowhere. Our body pressed one to another, our rods, who were rock solid from the start, crossed to each other.
I thought my mind was going to blank, but it's clearer than the morning sky.
"That time when you said you're crying watching a kitten video, was that true?"
He didn't answer me. His lips were curled up.
"I knew it's not," my voice sounded calm, unlike my mind right now. It's full of many thoughts but all was aimed for one goal. "You're seeing what I see right now, you feel what I feel, am I wrong?"
I took a peek on what's below. I never saw this kind of sight before but it's the real truth. We yearned for each other. All he dared to see was only the eyes of mine. He didn't dare to take a look. Or, he didn't want to face the reality.
"Look below, what's stopping you?"
He shut his eyes instead. Those reddened cheeks, the veins bulged on his neck due to the nervousness, I was even aroused by his scent. Ah, the hormones.
"Do you know how many times I long for this? Louis," I called his name, tenderly. "Look at me, look at us,"
He opened his eyes, but didn't even date to look at any other side.
"I have something to tell you," my breath was irregular. I couldn't set my eyes off of his collarbone. I wanted to lean my head to it. "All these years, I am sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to. I thought we'll be fine as we were before, but you... You become like this because of me. You're hurt because of me. You tried to blame yourself, tried to forget your feelings, but I always pulled you back,"
"I never made myself clear. In fact, I've never been this clear before too. I like-,"
"No," he interrupted me again. "No, you're not. You're just confused, curious,"
Curious?
"You doubt me, just because I always dated girl, right? You're worried if this would be temporary and we would break up in no time. But dear... oh dear... isn't it worth to try? Even if I die tomorrow, as long as I could be so close with you like this now, as long as I know that you're mine, it's all worth it,"
I pushed my lips to his neck, a little peck might be good for now.
"I don't want to lose you too. But I don't want to be your just friend too. Tell me what we are supposed to be, then?"
I moved to the other side of his neck. He nervously shut his eyes. I could feel his body was trembling rapidly.
"I will ask you once again, do you like me, dear?"
He nodded slowly.
"Do you?" I didn't want a nod. I wanted answer.
"Yes," he muttered. "I like you," his wall finally collapsed.
"Good, because I like you too," I couldn't hold my happiness. "Then, do you want me to kiss you?"
He nodded slowly. His eyes who were shaking finally looking right into my soul. "Yes,"
"How nice," I leaned closer to reach his lips. It was the best sensation that I could feel right now. It's all clear now. No more speculation, not even hesitation. He was honest to his action.
"So," before I continued, I whispered to him, "What are we?"
His face was flushed again. He refused to say it.
"Let's find out then," I carried him to my shoulder and threw him to bed.
Oh Lord, is this paradise?
He shyly hid his face while I topped him. I could finally feel him entirely. I could sense his scent that full of pheromones. I could hear his moan that screamed for my name. I could taste... every part of him.
It's all worth it. It could take me all night long, but he's getting tired suddenly so I only dared to embrace him on my arms while he just slept. He was smiling in his sleep, it's so peaceful and calming. I wanted to stare at him forever.
Not long after, someone knocked the door. I carefully pulled my arms from his head and stood up to see who was it. I put the bath robe and tied it to my waist and saw from the peephole Peter was standing in front of our room.
"Yes?" This was the moment I didn't feel intimidated by his presence anymore. It felt nice.
"Is Louis inside? We're all waiting for him to go,"
"He's sleeping. I don't think he'll join you tonight," he obviously tried to look inside even when I persistently stood blocking his sight. He then looked at what I wore, well, wasn't it obvious?
I had never been this confident before, knowing that I had the position to speak for him.
"But he said before he want to come," he insisted.
He was about to go inside but I held him back. Didn't he notice what just happened here? Should I really told him clearly?
"He's tired. Please also tell the others he won't come, thanks," I bid him goodbye and shut the door.
I never felt so relieved like this. When I went back to the bed, his body reacted and was swiveled to my side, but his eyes were closing tightly. He left me blank when I stared at him. His whole person was surely my weakness.
"If one day I am being too stupid to let you go, let's assume I'm dead," I pecked his cheek and moved his head to my arms.
The next morning I was the one to wake up. I went to take a shower and then woke him to prepare for having breakfast. He complained how his body still felt sore everywhere and unable to move. I couldn't resist myself not to kiss him. I would love for another round, surely.
"The ring," I observed him while he got dressed. "Where's that?"
He looked at me first then walked to the piles of worn clothes. He reached out to the pocket. "This?" He showed me the exact thing I asked. "What's wrong with this?"
I wanted to snatch that thing, but he refused to let me.
"Don't you know how much is this?" he was angry but it made me even angrier.
"Oh?" I was shocked, just because he has more money, do you even think I can't afford it?
"Why is this bothering you? It's not like I got from anyone, though,"
Eh?
"You bought it yourself?" did I hear him wrongly?
"What do you think, then? You think anyone will buy me this pricey thing?" he put it to his finger.
Ha. I was fooled.
"Isn't it from Peter?"
He frowned, but then tried to hold his smile. "Why on earth he bought it for me?" he went around to look for his belonging. "Did you think I'm that stupid to accept any gift from anyone, especially from him?"
I finally got it now. Peter was never the leading character in this story. He happened to come as a reminder. I was relieved to realize sooner I was blessed enough.
I pulled his body to mine, "That's a very nice ring by the way," I sniffed his hair that smelled like a citrus, his notable scent. "But I want you to wear this instead," I pulled out a black obsidian ring, two pairs of them.
He looked closely to the ring, which was not even sparkling like the one he used.
"I knew it's not even expensive, I secretly bought them when we strolled around the market yesterday. But I thought of you when I bought this ring, thought of us," I placed the ring to my finger, and he gave the other piece to me.
He asked me to wear it to his. "Well, if you're sure,"
If I'm sure to let them know about us. That's what I could understand from his gesture.
"There's no if,"
I kissed him softly. He warmly welcomed my lips and we, I knew it surely, we could feel that we shared the same feelings. I was that stupid to almost let him go actually.
Dear, my dear Louis, do you know what is the best part of our lives actually?
It should be when I'm able to say to the world that we're together. There is no assumption, not even hesitation. It's when everything is as clear as the sky we're looking now.
"There will never be another if, got it?"
He smiled at me then nodded with all the strength he had.
His smile, such smile that I exclusively owned, reflected his happiness and mine combined.
