Hi, hello again.
Even though that 2020 is just started and even not yet passed a month, I must admit that this whole year will pretty much be 2019.2. Since 2019 was not a very good year, but I still have a high hope for this year. Let's just be positive.
And I realized that I had many things to tell during 2019 but did not come up at the end. So I just grab the draft and put it here, then added some words also.
First report of 2019.
I failed to suppress my impulsivity and aborted the mission already. It turned out that if I refrain myself, I thought that I would somehow lost my identity. I felt that I was not accepting myself and there was no point of doing that anymore. I wanted to love myself more than doing anything that seemed the best. I tried to acknowledge that loving and accepting the real "you" can be considered as a big improvement.
So I, as a biggest supporter of myself, will support whatever my heart wants and yearn for. Whatever it is, however impulsive it is.
Oh yes, I would love to take a journey to another place again. I would let myself go wherever I want to. I want to live at the fullest. I want to have no regret at all.
Actually my biggest resolution for 2019 was not to spend my savings for traveling, again. I used up lots of them during 2018. Then I got upset knowing that I had no money savings at all. But then, turned out that I could not do it and ended up booking flight tickets.
That's when I realized that actually I cannot refrain myself to not travel since that is my passion. I feel so alive whenever I get started to plan the whole journey, as if I get a boost of life motivation. So the trick is, to split the my saving pocket between long term and short term plan. But to ask whether I am success for that... I am still figuring out.
Second report, and one of the main issue of the first quarter, is that I discovered a new world to obsess. This is already being my weakness and habit. To have at least something to obsess over.
If you know me well in real world, I always tend to be a devoted fangirl of something. It can be about a comic, novel, artist, or even idols. Once I laid my eyes on something, I become obsessed. But now, I learn that there is a chance of me to like this "kind of" world.
This world, even though at first I have never been interested, even questioned why people can be obsessed over it, but more I learn it, more interesting to me now. It provided me such a new insight, a new viewpoint, and get to learn a new culture. It can be a positive or negative approach, depends on how you see it. But I must say this insight are too interesting to learn since it is very different but somehow it is also quite familiar.
I once posted a Yaoi recommendation and my viewpoint about homosexual. I was "once or twice" okay with some BLs (from now on, let's use BL rather than Yaoi, okay?), but that's it. Then it took me such a long time and courage to finally accept that now I can be considered as a fujoshi.
You read it right. Fujoshi.
If you're not familiar with the word, Fujoshi is a term for a fangirl of BL genre. And I am one of them, with a condition, and I am strictly limited to certain BL I still have the same viewpoint as I had before. So my only condition is that, as long as the quality is there and it is not only lust. So, prepare yourself that I will post more about BL and recommend you any of them.
So, those two reports, two discoveries, which I gladly accept as a part of me. I will continuously live as an impulsive and a fujoshi, as long as I am enjoy with them. So 2020 is truly a 2019.2 even for my own self. I don't change much and also don't want to. I seek only happiness and pursue any desire. And that is how I want to spend my life with.
From a selfish person who wish to be more than before,
Please enjoy this year as much as you can.
