[Recommendation] Your Name Engraved Herein, Painfully Beautiful Love Story That is Worth to Rewatch Countless Time!

I had a high expectation of this movie, but all of my expectation was clearly devoured by the movie itself.

It's such a gem and yet another pain in the ass. I barely moved on from finishing the story and all I hope is another worthy movie to be expected, but I don't have a list at all up until now.

Anyway, let me introduce you to the movie itself, and warning, it would definitely contain spoilers!

 

It's "Your Name Engraved Herein". Whose name? Of course it's Birdy and Jia Han. Yes, t's indeed another BL movie! And I'd be delighted to tell you many times that this movie was a top tier.

Shall we take a look of the synopsi, cited from Mydramalist, first?

In 1987 when the martial law period ended, two Christian high-school students, Jia Han and Birdy, met at the school band led by a Canadian priest. One day, they were granted a day off to Taipei for the late president’s funeral. The two took a chance to explore the city and theaters, finding themselves inspired by brotherly love and freedom. 

Days after, Jia Han’s affection for Birdy has been awakened, but a much-confused Birdy pushed him away by pretending to fall in love with a girl. The misunderstanding separated them ever since until three decades later, when the two men met again in a foreign city.

Well,

I loved every part of it.

[Monologue] Looking at You

I once walked along the edge of a rocky beach. I was in a barefoot and I thought it was too dumb to do that. But the next day, I found myself walking in the same path at the same condition. I was still in barefoot, when the sharp of the rock surfaces hit me in each of my step.

Sometimes a pile of sand hid the rock too well so when I stepped on it, I thought nothing would happen. But I was wrong, and I did walk on it again, and again. I walked in the same path everyday.

I thought to myself on how dumb I was to repeat such mistakes.

But every time I stopped at the end of path, I smiled. I knew why I did this, what kind of thing I looked forward to.

I once assumed that beyond every pain you went through, there would be a satisfying reward you would gain. And here was my reward, right in front of me, at the end of path.

You.

How you worried about the blister in my foot, your nitpicking, and your endless whine. I found it as a satisfying action that showed how much you cared of me.

And a simple word as a 'I won't do that again' from my mouth would always triggered you to another whining.

I was hurt each time and you were always there. How was that kind of things being my own purpose to live on everyday?

Should I tell you that I already liked you?

If you asked me why, then I would say that I don't know. I just simply liked when you cared to me. I liked being the only focus in your universe. I might be selfish, but I selfishly wanted only you.

I only remembered all the good things between us. It was too weird, I was intoxicated by you.

And yet, on the next day, when I repeated such mistakes, you didn't even ignore me, you were always there for me, at the end of the road.

Was it supposed to be this hard, the path that I must go through only to be with you? Why weren't you stopped me and hugged me instead whenever I tried to walk on that path again?

Was it actually because you were enjoying how much pain that I had only to meet you there?

Were you secretly looking at a far all of my sufferings, and waiting at the end only to be the saint?

Then, I looked at you once again after feeling numb at my feet. A hint of smile in your face when you looked at me, I saw it clearly.

[One Shot] When the World is Against You, I Won't

It was already a lifetime I followed and observed her.

A woman with a hint of bitter smile in her resting face, an owner of eagle-eyed stare and a hunched posture due to her anxiety.

A woman with a troubled mind with nothing clear in her head. The most impulsive person you would meet and an awkward person in nature.

She hugged me from the back, telling that I shouldn't go anywhere.

I reached her arms, and whispered, "I will go nowhere,"

She smiled. She already relieved at my words, without knowing whether it's true or not. But in fact, I wouldn't leave her at all.

I promised to myself, and to her, to always beside her, I would embrace her, no matter what. If anyone said that I was already in love with her, I was, perhaps. I loved her as my own self. I loved her unconditionally.

Even if she didn't love herself either, that's okay. I loved her enough so that nothing would worry her. She could do anything she wanted, and I would always support her.

Her wrongdoings or her wrong choices, those are all okay. Because as long as I believed her, I knew she could correct them all. No matter how long it would take, she would eventually find a way.

After that, she walked away towards a door. I could see her proud and confidence were rising up. I followed her each step, and stood behind her.

"Come in," a man with a black suit was calling to her.

She walked to the place that he pointed.

"Please be seated," said that man, so she did what he said.

After a moment to relax and find a comfort position, she sat straight, and looked at the man with a clear smile.

"Now please explain to us what happened,"

The Journal of Surviving the Pandemic With A Goal of Keeping Sane All the Time - 2020 Edition

Hi, congratulations for being able to pass 2020 safely!

And here I welcome you to... 2020 patch 0.1, which is... 2021!

Well, the first month of 2021 will be over and I can assume the whole world is not getting any better in short time. We must endure another year, or perhaps, it's really us to make peace with the condition and try to live in a whole new way. I don't know what will happen and to think more will only hurt my mind, so I let everything whatever it will be.

As usual, I would like to look back for the past year with some short monologue for the following year.

Dear 2020,

Actually, you are not that worse. I still liked you, though. 

As I ever said, maybe this is how my wishes come true, to suppress my tendency to waste money on traveling. Well, you did well for that since all my travel plans are ruined and I was stuck at the same place every time.

On the positive side, you taught me how to be "not-giving-a-fuck" for most of the time. You also gave me more time to self-reflect, to get to know myself more and more. All I had to mind was how to keep sane and clear my mind, despite of all the chaos happened. Since almost everything was not going well in my life, and I bet so was everyone, it was the hardest to reduce the stress level to bare minimum. We got to watch bad news everyday and tried to follow such procedures that disturb our usual, those were actually too hard to endure.

But did you know?

Being a fujoshi was actually one of blessing in me to survive. The whole year, I clenched my thirst of high quality danmei and their adaptation endlessly. I even bought an e-book reader in order to fancy myself and it's already filled with a lot of danmei books lining up to be enjoyed. I also woke up every day with a high spirit to keep on living and watch the newly released episodes.

I was grateful to be able living in such a world in such a perfect time. If I did not find out about it on time, I did not know how much regret I would have in life. I might went overboard but that only showed how much I was very grateful for this.

My journey of 2020 was not about where I went, but instead, what title that I enjoyed and left a notable remark in my memories.

 On the first quarter, I read Scum Villain Self-Saving System. This was the last book from MXTX that I read and the only word to describe the whole story would be... Hillarious. It's very entertaining with its raw style of writing, comedy and tragedy were blended into one, and less chapters than the other MXTX books which made it fast-paced.

And also during the year, Heaven's Official Blessing manhua was released weekly. And I did not have to mention this one since it's the best thing ever happened during 2020. It was drawn by Starember, the artist that I used as reference to imagine the characters while reading the book. Not to mention that she followed the book precisely and drew it beautifully, I was really contented every time the chapter is released. Additionally, the donghua was released too which was breathtaking. Every adaptation was staying true to the original story. I was thankful enough for that.

Since I would only mentioned the "remarkable" one, thus I would not mention each title that I read or watch,

Then on the second quarter, Where Your Eyes Linger was released. It's a korean webseries, that, in term of quality and production, it's a top notch and the pioneer of other webseries with the same genre. I loved the chemistry of both main characters and especially when the uke was not that feminine but still looked beautiful in a manly way. Also the soundtrack was worth repeating, that's why it's quite hard to move on from the series either.

After that, I needed to mention The Legend of Exorcism donghua (Tianbao Fuyao Lu). I honestly did not read the book since it was not yet finished translated. I gave up reading MTL version though. But since the donghua was very funny and the characters were all hottie, I could not resist to not mention this. I also believed that it would have the second season and I'd wait patiently then.

Also, the Scum Villain was releasing the donghua. It was way too hilarious, I loved how the production house executed it well with such a tight budget. The graphic was actually pitiful, it's as if the whole money was put on the both main characters and no money left for other details. But, the low-budget production was one of the hilarious aspect that added the laughable moment. I always screamed and laughed everytime. It's imperfectly perfect.

On the third quarter, I read Golden Stage or Huang Jin Tai. I loved it very much and I must thank the one who tweeted to recommend the book. It was actually very relaxing to read, it's somehow... great on its own way. It was very enjoyable, I loved the pace. It was not a slow burn, not too fluffy. It's... How should put it... It's perfect to read if you were not in a mood of political, angsty, or too fluffy. It had a great proportion though.

And finally, on the end of quarter, to close the year, there were two remarkable title that were worth to praise. First, Cherry Magic, a japanese series that I once thought to become the best thing ever to close the awful year with a sweet memory. It was very alluring since the first episode, and it's going strong until the last episode. I liked it very much, it's very funny but painful too. And I just realized that this was the only series without kiss scene of the main characters, at all. But still, each scene was breathless.

Then, when I thought Cherry Magic was the best of all, another title came out, which made me indecisive to which I should acclaim the "Best of 2020" to. It's Your Name Engraved Herein. I already got curious since the first trailer, but I had to be patient to release on Netflix at the end of December. It's the highest grossing movie of 2020 in Taiwan, and it's already remarkable milestone considering its genre. All I could say is that I repeatedly watched the movie all over, and still admiring how beautiful each of every scene. I loved every part of it and I could not even remember if there was another best film ever existed. 

It's like the perfect portrayal of a BL movie should be. It reflected an identity crisis and confusion of youth feelings, conflicting with the present society and also religious side. The cinematography was well executed with breathtaking setting and color palette that symbolized the emotions. Additionally, it was also supported by such eye-pleasing actors that perfectly showed manly-to-manly affections, and tearjerker soundtracks that was too beautiful yet painful whenever I listened to. It's as if every part of it was a priceless art itself. The only thing that lacked the most was the ending.

And for all the title above that I mentioned, thank you very much. You're the main reason for me to keep sane during the awful year. You're giving me another hope to look forward to the following year. I was not really that furious at all of what I've been through or what I lost these past months. It's all because of you guys.

For the starting year, I recently noticed there were too many danmei adaptations that would be on air and ongoing filming. It's nice though. At least I believe that I could survive another day of such pandemic. I only hoped that the predecessor would raise the bar, become the great example and what to expect for those next-in-line.

And... Is there anything else that I must say except danmei?...

Well, talking about the pandemic, as a slightly privileged person, it's not really that upsetting to adapt the new normal, though. I am more worried if I'll be okay if we're back to normal. At least from this situation, I'll get to learn how to keep the distance with people. On a bright side, I get to limit the interaction with others and my circle is less than before. It diminishes the necessity for such courtesy and I can get to the point instead. Also, I am filtering what-to-share-to others more, vice versa. I keep on focusing of whatever that I prioritize the most and I also learn that whatever you desired is actually not that desirable.

And talking about people, about others. During the pandemic, we are all more aware of cleanliness. Isn't it great? 

And another great point, you can really cut off people that you think unnecessary to be around with or simply being a toxic to you far far away. It's such a great moment to get to know your surrounding and to keep or shoo them away.

Let's just be positive of every moments in our lives, shall we?

[One Shot] Loneliest Hours

An overwhelmed feeling.

I tried to enjoy the day. Even though the very first time that I want was to talk, but I chose not to. I didn't know to whom I should talk to, and what to talk to.

I like him.

Behind the event happened today, I just wanted to tell him that I like him. But on the other side I realized that this feeling is too one-sided

But I hate him.

Because to end this feeling, by any means, it would be too risky. Every option that I had would only make one of sides disappointed. And I didn't know what to sacrifice. 

Maybe I should really abandon this feeling.

Although every time I closed my eyes and hoped someone to call, he was the one that I hope for. Or every time I sat alone in a table for two, his shadow was the one that cross my mind.

He came in an unexpected time, and like everyone knows, whoever comes will go sooner or later. But for this time, this person, I knew it early when he was going to go. But still, when the day came I was not ready to overcome it.

And I also hate myself.

Knowing the one thing I want the most was to meet him again, I was hating myself more and more. But still, I reached to him and quickly ran to him.

"I am moving out in two weeks, thank you, for everything,"

That voice, that stare. Those kind of words were finally coming out. A word of separation.

"Okay, good luck then, thank you for everything too,"

I tried to calm myself. To let this feeling away for just a moment. Even though today I was prepared to confess, I couldn't do it at the end.

Every mixed feelings that I had in early morning has nothing left. I like you. That 3 words always got stuck inside, and I knew if it's not now, there will be no time anymore.

But still, I was spacing out, figuring out what to do. Should I cherish the time I had left with him as a friend only, or should I risk our relationship that may end up in an instant, which means losing him earlier than it would be.

I knew it well you only see me as nothing but a dear friend. That was also the biggest mistake of mine to set no boundary from the start. Oh, I was such a whiner, maybe being just friends were my only best option. 

"Take care of yourself,"

His eyes. Your eyes. That kind of eyes that was warmly staring at me. Argh... I was going crazy. I couldn't lose him now, and forever.

But then, who am I to stop him? If I said that I liked him, he wouldn't gladly tell me that he loves me too. What a dreamer. I watched too many romantic movies already.

"Ah!!"

I randomly screamed when I started to realize that he is going away from my sight.

"I mean... I..."

What a coward. I stuttered, even I could hear my shortened breath. My heart was pounding hard. I must find courage!

"I can't live without you,"

Is it bad? Did my choice of words are okay?

He looked at me again, smiling. "What do you mean? You're not a toddler, you'll be fine on your own,"

"What am I to you?" I finally asked. Yes, you coward whiner! Go on!

He stared at me, looking confused.

"To me, you're not only a best friend, I mean, I really can't live without you, even I can't see myself living if you're not around"

He still straightly stares at me, slowly approaches me.

"No, don't..."

"You're not going anywhere, you must stay here with me,"

He gently patted my head. "So the rumor is true? Is it true that you..."

 

Should I Tell This Only to Myself? Someone? Anyone? or Even Everyone?

Hi,

I'm here again. It's been months since we all trapped in our home and the world is not going to heal in a flash. I am not going to complaint or argue about the current condition anymore. but I have something important to talk about.

There is something that I feel like I need to discuss about, but I don't know where to start. 

Long story short, during the pandemic, I recently read an article. It's a new article, talking about the society and their mindset to a social issue. The article is based on an old article that is quite popular in some specific communities, and it added some examples or depiction of people who are in such situation.

I recently realized that their perspective or mindset they were experiencing matched to me so much. The article was really impacted me, and I ended up agreeing almost every words in it. It was like you finally found some pieces that you left the spaces blank, simply because you didn't have those around. It should be meant to the answers of many question that went through your head, about why the society and yourself couldn't match properly.

I was given some insights, which led me to another conclusion, that would let me explore what kind of person I am truly inside. I wouldn't say that the article was fully right. But to the very least, I knew that I was not the only wrong person on earth.

So these days, I would like to have a journey to know my own self, what kind of monsters I am having inside and whether I would show it to my circle, or not in a million years ever.

Even though I had some new insights, it didn't mean I finally found the answers of everything. I also didn't know which group should I belong to, am I still a majority or not, or even how to live on. But, I would love to take more journey to find another answer for the rest of million questions in my head.

And that would be bad, since I need to have a talk to someone. It could be someone, that you trust the most, who has an open mind and broaden your insight. Or maybe it could be anyone, considering that you will reveal your true self to 'someone you know' is such a risk, any random stranger or acquaintance may be better. Or should I just tell everyone and let them have their own opinion.

I tried, though. I talked to someone, and it didn't really effective. Maybe I chose wrong person, or maybe I haven't constructed the detail enough so they didn't grasp the situation. Or maybe, that is exactly the answer. You have a different way of thinking than majority of people.

They just don't get it. And another part of they in the article "get" me. Would it make me as a part of they? Well, I couldn't say much for it. There was no proof that made me sure before. 

Perhaps there is another group which is in between they and they, that clicks me better.

And I am afraid, honestly. The world and the society that we all live could not really tolerate such difference. Just a simple question of doubt that you had inside would alarm them, then ended up telling you to do this or that instead, which never be the answer. And I always lived most of the time to be the same person as anyone thought of me.

Perhaps it's time to tell that I am too tired of every sh*t they always told me.

But still, to live differently, I see that as such a privilege that I crave the most.

A kind of living that I try to fulfill, and proudly live as I always want, that's only a dream.

Oh, maybe I should not to blame the society too much. After all, I am always the part of society, a type of person that is too apathetic and never speak up against. I guess we are all to blame of every f*cked up things that happened, no?

And all this messy words showed that I actually never have a nerve to speak loudly. I didn't even tell you all what kind of article that I read, and what kind of perspective that clicked me.

I always said that I need to make sure of everything first before telling to everyone. But at the end, nothing really conveyed and I am still me, still the same person that I showed from the very start.

But now, tell me, how to have a proper discussion of this issue?

How to broaden the horizon?

How to break the bonds?

Whom should I talk to?

How to make them get me though?

Or should I talk over to myself only, as I used to?

[Recommendation] Hottest Anime of The Year! "My Next Life as a Vilainess: All Routes Lead to Doom"

Hi.

It's me again.

Since we are all staying at home and nothing to do to amuse myself, I decided to be active in blogging. Well, to say that I have "nothing-to-do" may be wrong, because I have a lot of work and deadlines, but hey, WORK LIFE BALANCE, please! So I tried to get away from my work related as best I can do during weekends.

This time, unusually, I wanted to recommend an anime that I recently watched. I am writing this recommendation while waiting for the new episode coming up. So, I don't want to miss the moment to happily review it to you all.

My Next Life as a Vilainess: All Routes Lead to Doom or in japanese is Otome Game no Hametsu Furagu Shika Nai Akuyaku Reijou ni Tensei Shitteshimatta, but please call it simply as Hamefura, is an ongoing anime that I watched the trailer on Animax first then got captivated easily after. It is an isekai anime with hillarious scene and adding a reverse harem! Hell yeah! Why should I miss this gem?

Quoted from myanimelist website, the synopsis is as below,

Most people would prefer being the protagonist of a world full of adventure, be it in a game or in another world. But, unfortunately, a certain girl is not so lucky. Regaining the memories of her past life, she realizes that she was reborn in the world of Fortune Lover—one of the games she used to play.

Unfortunately, the character she was reincarnated into—Katarina Claes—is the game's main antagonist, who faces utter doom in every ending. Using her extensive knowledge of the game, she takes it upon herself to escape from the chains of this accursed destiny.

However, this will not be an easy feat, especially since she needs to be cautious as to not set off death flags that may speed up the impending doom she is trying to avoid. Even so, to make a change that will affect the lives of everyone around her, she strives—not as the heroine—but as the villainess.

Now let's take a look at the promotional poster!

I was actually surprised to myself, thinking that I might be away from a romance story (other than BL) for quite a long time, but realized that I got hooked on this anime even from its 1st episode! My number one Isekai favorite is Scum Villain's Self Saving System (Hell yeah BingQiu!) and I am indeed interested to this kind of genre. But still, you will notice the repetitive plot from some Isekai story then get tired of it. So, what you need to look for an Isekai story is the lovable characters and how the plot is developed.

Hamefura is a complete package for me. As a girl, it must be very lovely to watch a reverse harem, where all ikemens are in love with the main cast. Although, reverse harem can be super boring, like Diabolik Lovers, but please don't talk about it, let's put that only as a bad example. I was not really a fan of it and already took down on the first episode.

So what went wrong in Diabolik Lovers is the female lead and how all ikemens are surrounding her without any effort. Nope, not my ideal.

But Catarina Claes, the female heroine of Hamefura is very lovable. She is active, persistent, and super dense. Since she was the antagonist of the game and in order to survive, she would do anything to prevent herself to the doom. So she approached other main characters in her own way, and also catched their hearts without her knowing. But the adding points of Hamefura is when the female characters are also hooked on the main cast. She really created her own harem!

Now let's review each point!