[Monologue] First

Hello, it's me.

I am writing this after I found a very old picture of you.
It reminds me about several thoughts.
And I don't know whether I like it or not.
You seem like an old treasure buried inside of me.
But it's not that deep. You are always there, whenever I want to reminisce.

You know, I am furious when you are holding someone's hand.
But still, I tell to myself that you are nobody to me.
We are still strangers, with history.
We had a bunch of pages in a book that is owned by me.
Only me. Because this is an unrequited, untold.
I hid those memories, those histories, and those feelings alone.

I miss a moment to tell you, how much I worship you in every prayer.
You are like a Demi-God, a myth that is seemed real but so far.
And I prayed to God, wishing you to come near.

Until the end of my prayer, when I feel tired to ask God, I started to see a reality.
You are only a picture in my mind.
An unlikely perfect portrait of human hanged at the door to my heart.
And the last wish I had to you is a happiness. For you and only. Even when I forgot to ask for myself.

Good night, you.
I wish us to become the closest I can ever think of.
I wish we run into each other but never meet the eye. I wish you walk in the same path as I do even in a different time. I wish myself to not let my heart fall again whenever I see your figure.

-end-

[One Shot] Life's Appreciation

Suatu hari, seorang gadis dengan rambut sebahu mendatangiku. Pagi itu aku sedang menunggu temanku di sebuah halte bis dan duduk dibawah hujan. Kami berdua terperangkap di bawah kanopi yang untung saja cukup menahan derasnya air yang turun.

"Halo," ucapnya.

Aku meliriknya.

"Aku hanya ingin menyampaikan terima kasih,"

Kini aku melirik gadis itu untuk kedua kalinya. Semua ingatan di otakku tidak pernah mengenali wajah gadis ini. Bahkan aku juga tidak ingat pertemuan kami sebelumnya.

"Terima kasih untuk apa?" tanyaku, bingung.

Dia malah tersenyum. "Aku takut tidak sempat bertemu lagi denganmu, untuk itu aku buru-buru ingin sekali mengucapkannya,"

"Tetapi terima kasih untuk apa?"

Dia membalasku dengan senyum yang diikuti dengan seringai yang manis. "Kita sudah lama satu bis bersama dan kamu bahkan tidak sadar,"

"Maaf, aku memang tidak terlalu pintar mengenali orang,"

Dia memainkan kakinya yang berayun-ayun. "Aku baru saja menghadiri pemakaman seseorang," ucapnya yang langsung membuat senyuman itu menghilang begitu saja.

Apapun yang kutanyakan tidak pernah dijawab dengan jelas.

"Dia seorang nenek tua yang tinggal di dekat rumahku. Pekerjaannya tukang sapu dan dia memintaku untuk berterima kasih kepadamu beberapa hari sebelum kematiannya,"

Aku tidak pernah mengenali nenek yang dia maksud sama sekali. Sepertinya dia sudah salah orang.

"Tidak, aku tahu kalau yang dia maksud adalah kamu,"

Nenek Arum, yang dia sebutkan ini mengucapkan kalau seumur hidupnya, sudah bertemu denganku di halte ini lebih dari dia bertemu dengan anak-anaknya. Secara logika, mungkin agak masuk akal karena aku selalu menghabiskan waktu di halte ini, sejak sekolah hingga bekerja. Tetapi menyedihkan sekali saat tahu beliau tinggal sendiri dan anaknya diasuh oleh keluarga lain. Untuk mengurangi beban hidup, beliau merelakan buah hatinya agar hidup terpisah. Suaminya juga pergi dan tidak pernah ada kabar selama tahunan. Menurut kabar, sang suami sudah meninggal tetapi entah dimana. Nenek Arum juga tidak bisa mengurusi suaminya karena keterbatasan dana.

Singkatnya, Nenek Arum berkata kepada gadis ini untuk mengucapkan terima kasih kepadaku. Beliau berkata bahwa hidupku terlalu berat karena harus berjalan jauh dan menunggu angkutan umum. Setiap hari raut wajahku terlipat dan tidak nampak bahagia. Beliau menganggap kalau masalah yang kuhadapi semakin hari terus bertambah dan aku perlu bersyukur untuk segala hal sekecil apapun.

Berkat pertemuanku dengan beliau, Nenek Arum mulai bisa melihat betapa bahagia hidupnya. Sesusah apapun dia masih bisa mensyukuri hidup. Beliau tahu kalau hanya dengan ucapan terima kasih dari seseorang dapat membuatku tersenyum. Karena aku sudah terlalu lupa cara berterima kasih.

Kini aku mulai mengingat nenek ini. Beberapa kali beliau pernah mengajakku berbicara namun aku tidak bisa menanggapinya serius. Sesuatu menyangkut hal pekerjaan sudah membuat hidupku mumet dan aku tidak sempat mengurusi hal lain lagi. Aku mengingat nenek itu selalu memberikan wajah senyumnya namun melihat beliau malah membuatku semakin ingin menghindar. Rupanya dia hanya ingin menularkan aura positifnya kepadaku.

Melihat ke belakang, aku tidak tahu sudah seberapa buruk hidupku sekarang, sejelek apa karakter yang kumilliki. Aku hampir lupa caranya untuk bersyukur. Aku telah berubah menjadi seorang dewasa yang tidak pernah kuinginkan sejak kecil. Mimpi masa kecilku yang terdengar konyol, menjadi bahagia. Namun kehidupanku malah jauh dari mimpi itu sendiri. Kini rasanya semua yang kumiliki perlahan tak berarti.

"Aku berterima kasih kepadamu telah membuatnya selalu tersenyum dan merasa diberkati,"

Kenyataannya aku tidak pernah melakukan apapun kepadanya. Aku tidak tahu bagaimana bisa sesuatu negatif dariku menjadi sesuatu yang berarti bagi orang lain.

"Kamu tahu bagaimana aku bisa yakin kalau aku tidak salah orang?"

Dia berdiri dan ingin menembus hujan yang masih tidak mereda.

"Dari kejauhan, kamu sangat terlihat penuh bantuan,"

Dia berlari tanpa takut hujan membasahi sebuah pakaian lusuhnya. Kakinya yang tidak beralas melangkah dengan ringan ke setiap kubangan air. Gadis itu, gadis seperti itu, mendatangiku karena merasa dia perlu membantuku. Gadis yang satu bis bersamaku untuk bernyanyi karena mengamen adalah pekerjaannya. Gadis itu, dan Nenek Arum...

-end-

[Continuous] New Season (Part 7)

"What's up, hon?" Jared mengangkat teleponku meski sudah hampir pukul 2 dini hari. Dari suaranya, aku sangat yakin dia sudah tertidur.

"Kau sudah tidur? Aku mengganggumu ya?"

"Nope, I'm awake now, talk to me," suaranya yang terus menguap membuatku merasa bersalah.

"I can't sleep, Jared,"

"What's going on? Should I come to you?"

Aku tidak tahu harus menjelaskan apa kepada Jared. Pikiranku cukup kacau. Pertanyaan Daniel membuatku tidak dapat beristirahat. Saat aku memintanya untuk menemaniku malam ini, Jared langsung menutup telepon dan berjanji akan datang secepat mungkin.

Jared mengetuk pintu dan aku melihatnya masih memakai piyama. Dia langsung memelukku dan bertanya ada apa denganku. Aku hanya terdiam. Pria ini benar-benar datang dan aku masih tidak percaya.

"It's good tomorrow is weekend," ucap Jared. Dia membawaku ke dalam kamar dan menyuruhku berbaring.

"Talk to me. You seem worried,"

Aku menggeleng. Instead, aku memintanya untuk memelukku. Something's up but I can't talk to him. Jared tidak berbicara lagi, mungkin dia juga sangat mengantuk sampai akhirnya beberapa menit kemudian dia tidak bergerak sama sekali.

Aku masih mencoba menutup mata dan melupakan semua masalah. Sampai aku merasa sangat lelah, aku terlelap di pelukan Jared tanpa bermimpi.

*****

[One Shot] The Day We Meet, Again...

Malam itu, aku ragu untuk datang. Corsage biru yang senada dengan dress yang kukenakan masih tertutup rapi di bungkusnya, menanti dibuka.

Ini adalah pernikahan temanku. Seharusnya aku datang untuk merayakan hari bahagianya ini.

Namun setelah kembali menatap cermin, nyaliku menciut. Aku merasa tidak siap untuk bertemu dengan teman-teman lamaku disana nanti. 

Terutama Ian.

Delilah sudah meneleponiku dan bertanya kapan aku siap untuk dijemput. Dengan enggan aku berkata kalau dia bisa jalan sekarang juga.

Kalau saja aku pergi sendiri, mungkin aku akan memberi alasan agar tidak jadi pergi. Tetapi ini Delilah. Dia tahu aku masih ragu untuk datang dan bersikeras agar menjemputku.

Dia tidak tahu perasaanku kepada Ian. Dia tidak pernah mengerti apa yang akan kuhadapi. Cinta pertama yang tak pernah terucapkan. Kalau dia tahu sejak dahulu, aku bertanya-tanya apa yang akan dia lakukan.

"Kau sedikit... wow... sejak kapan kau seperti ini?" Reaksi Delilah membuatku cemas.

"Seperti apa?"

"You put an effort for your looks tonight,"

Karena Ian, Delilah. Aku tidak mungkin berpenampilan biasa saja ketika mata Ian kemungkinan melirikku walau kurang dari sedetik. Sepersekian detik tatapannya sudah cukup membuat jantungku berdegup tidak karuan.

"Is it bad?"

"What? No. You look gorgeous, dear," puji Delilah.

"You too, by the way," Delilah tersenyum sambil merapikan red halter dress yang cukup mengekspos keseksian area leher hingga bahunya.

Aku cukup senang hasil memilih-milih dress baru dan kursus makeup kilat via tutorial yang kurang dari seminggu kupersiapkan ini diakui oleh Delilah, gadis paling feminin diantara yang kukenal. Meski hanya sebuah sheath dress biru polos yang terlalu simpel dibandingkan sebelahku ini, aku puas dengan pujiannya.

Saat sampai di venue, Delilah menyeretku bertemu teman-teman lama kami. Aku masih bisa mengingat beberapa dari mereka, walau terkadang sedikit tertukar namanya. Mataku masih berkeliaran mencari sosok pria yang kunanti sejak lama.

Aku berusaha membayangkan perubahan pria itu setelah sekian tahun tak bertemu. Mungkin kini dia sudah sangat tidak bisa kukenali hingga sulit kutemukan di balik kerumunan. Atau mungkin kesempatanku satu-satunya untuk bertemu lagi berakhir sia-sia, Ian terlalu sibuk untuk mendatangi pesta pernikahan teman lamanya ini.

[Prologue] Run Away

It shouldn't be the end of the world, yeah it is...

Aku, berdiri bagaikan sebuah batu karang. Kau tahu? Dengan gagah tegak berpijak dan melawan ombak. Dan ombak itu adalah kamu, yang mengikis pertahananku hari demi hari, detik ke detik.

Aku, sang batu, melampaui berbagai halang rintang demi berdiri sendiri. Kalau matahari mampu menceritakan kisahku, dia akan berkata bahwa aku adalah salah satu yang paling tangguh. Namun semenjak kedatanganmu, kau mengubahku.

Jangan berpaling lagi, karena kini seluruh tubuh ini membencimu. Aku mencoba melupakan saat dimana kau mulai meletakkan dirimu dan melawan pertahananku. Bagaimana usaha kecil yang selalu luput dari perhatian kini menjadi fokus utama. Bagaimana wajah yang bersinar dan menyapa hangat perlahan tinggal bayangan.

Aku mencobanya, meski sulit. Kau pergi, menghilang, kau meninggalkanku...

Karena kau yang harus bertanggung jawab, dan kau tidak mengetahuinya.

Namun aku hanyalah sebuah batu karang. Tentu saja kau tidak menyadari dibalik apa yang kutunjukkan kepadamu. Aku tetaplah sang batu, dan kau menganggapku sekokoh dahulu.

Why is it when you made me love you,

You just run away?

************************************

P.S.
This may be a prologue for something that I'm working on (spoiler).
#WhilePlaying Kim Jaejoong - Run Away

[Recommendation] HWANG MI-RI's COLLECTION

This time, i will give you multiple manhwa recommendations from one author, Hwang Mi-Ri. I really liked her works since I started liking comic book. I remember digging the old bookstore only for searching her manhwas. Alright, I won't talk much and let's get started!

The typical story of Hwang Mi-Ri's that you will find in her every works are:

- Involving the life of beautiful people

- A bad boy with bad reputation (head of a gang or mastered in fighting)

- Rude and rebellious girl (sometimes poor or overly rich)

- Being ugly is a sin and make your life harder

I must say, the manhwa is soooo oldie so if you had missed it, believe me there's still time to make it up. I am personally into those kind of story, and Hwang Mi-Ri always successfully putting marvelous scene and make it so comical. Plus, I enjoyed her artworks too!

[1] Hot Blooded Woman

The story is about a tomboy girl (Kang HaJi) who switched her body with a rich, pretty, but sickly girl (Han Aram). This manhwa was the first to make me falling in love with the author. It's full of comedy and somehow I didn't really remember cheesy moments from the romance. I had to say that this is like a pure comedy manhwa in romance setting. Can you imagine how funny it would be when a girl with good fighting skill must survived the bullying that Aram faced? Seriously, HaJi was also too late to find out that Aram's life was bullied at school, and it was already funny to me. Plus, with Aram's pretty face, HaJi had no idea if some boys were attracted to her and thought it was an insult to her. In conclusion, this manhwa is a must read, seriously!

[2] New Sexy Simpleton

Oh my this is really hillarious! The story is about a beautiful model who went time-travel to an ancient era that fat and chubby woman was considered the true beauty than skinny woman. EunBi who had a perfect body for this era was struggling when she was taken as an ugly woman. With her awkward, rude, and hot-blooded personality, she was simply putting joke to every scene. This is also a must read for every romcom seeker!

[3] Crazy Girl Shin Bia

Aw, man, I should start making a journal for every comic that I've read. It is really hard to remember the story because it somehow stirred up with New Sexy Simpleton. The concept is the same, Shin Bia was gone time-travel to her ancestor era, that she appeared to be an elegant princess, that is the exact opposite of her personalities. All that I remembered is in this story, there were so many choices of man, and there was this one bad boy who will make your heart fluttered! Ah, that black haired guy with deep and scary stares! I knew it! Typically my crush! You have to read this and be in love with my guy!

Actually I wanted to give others such as Look for an Oppa, Miunohri to Swan, Advent of Snow White of the Hell, He Dedicated To Rose, The Moment When A Fox Becomes A Wolf, and also Idol Shopping, but I will give you the top 3 in my list for starters. After you completed all, you will become addicted and digging the title one by one on your own.

Well, welcome to the author's world!

Well, I am NEGATIVE

Hello. This time, I will share you about something serious. Not really serious but something that you should know.

The "negative" word that's on the title means something that I recently knew. I know some of you may think of other thing, so let me tell you about my experience first.

I'm always afraid of hospital things. Even at this age, I will get shaken if I have to let myself to go to hospital. I am scared if I have to draw my bloods, get the check result, or even the smell of hospital makes me a little dizzy. In conclusion, I hate needles and seeing bloods. Seriously, I will act like a baby when I'm going to draw blood and I believe I'm not the only one, right?

But last year, I got curious of donating bloods. There was a feeling that I need to experience something that I haven't done and blood donation was the only thing acrossed my mind. Well, with the help of Twitter that gave me an info of the event and the promotions were somehow moving me. I knew that I was scared but my mind told me that somewhere out there, my blood was needed and I would make my life a little bit useful for the world. Okay, it was quite overwhelming but for a person who is scared of needles and blood, it was not.

Luckily, I have a friend with no experience of donating blood and also wanted to do once. She had another reason for donating that was more making me moved to do it. So we were going to the event and start our first donation. Although it was crowded, thankfully we didn't wait too long to get checked. I already knew my blood type, which was A, and my Hb was good to donate, so I passed to donate.

When I was laying and waiting for someone to draw my blood, I got nervous. Oh Hell, I also saw how big the needle was and coughed like crazy because of nervousness. But with the help of beginner's luck, the needles were sucking my blood so fast. Then I felt something. Donating my bloods were not really scary at all. Even I didn't feel the urge to be scared of needles. It was as if I felt nothing! Seriously! My body felt lighter and I didn't get dizzy like everybody said. I felt a little healthier and it was a good thing.

Do you ever feel when you're afraid of something and you try to find out why you get scared of it but instead you find nothing, somehow you start to not be afraid again? Because after donating, I was asking myself why should I was scared of needles and blood when I didn't even felt it hurt at all.

So that's really the first time I knew that I wouldn't be scared of them again and I got the pleasure of donating more and more.

But that's not the point of my story yet.

After that, not too long after i donated, I got a call from someone. Here's our conversation:

Hello, we're from PMI. Did you ever donate your blood at *(the event name)* ? // Yes. // Did you know your rhesus is negative? // Yes (I just said it spontaneously because I didn't even know what she was saying) // Okay, so the thing is we need your blood, may I know where do you live? // Bekasi. // Ah. Are you at home now? // Yes. But i need to go somewhere. // Okay, can you come to donate, like now? // No problem, where should I go? // To Kramat? // Can't I go to other places? // Sorry, but here is the headquarter of PMI and you can only donate here. Or maybe we can send the staff to your house? // What time? // Around 3 PM? // Sorry but I can't. I'm going to campus today. Other time, maybe? // Okay, we will call you next time, thanks.

Seriously, I was asking myself why would they had to come to me only for getting my blood, like am I that special or donating is really a rare thing for people? How can they lack in A type blood stocks, like seriously?

Then that was the time when I understood something. I looked up about what was this rhesus negative that she talked about. I didn't understand it before and just said yes unknowingly. And then I got shocked when I searched about it and asked to my friend to make sure what I read was right. And my friend confirmed what I just found.

Shortly, there are 2 rhesus type of blood, positive and negative. It is not only about A, B, O, or AB type, but the rhesus is needed to be known. Rh+ (Rhesus positive) is the common type while Rh- (Rhesus negative) is the rare type. It may be less than 15% of world population are born with it. Can you imagine it? If 15% is for entire world, what about in Indonesia only? And how much of them already know that they're Rh- ? And to be specific, how much of them are A- like me?

I also saw an article said that Rh- is more to be found (or commonly) in Europe than Asia or other countries. So I got excited at first knowing that maybe I have a little possibility of having caucasian blood on my veins (pardon my imagination but please continue reading).

Then, I also read an article saying that Rh- people may be originated from (or belong to) Nephilim or the Fallen Angels, which I found very exciting because of my interest in fiction novels and Nephilim stories to be exact. Seriously at a glance I feel attached to Nephilim and getting excited over an untrusted source.

BUT the rest infos are getting me more nervous. The fact that I will be getting a failure risk of pregnancy if I married to Rh+ and the baby will be Rh+ too (searching for a right husband is already hard and now I have to search for someone with Rh- too, seriously????) or the worst, IT IS A RARE TYPE. Which means, it will be hard to get one when you suddenly need it and the stock is limited. What if you're on crisis because of an accident?

Seriously? I just got excited over nothing. Being a descendant of Nephilim is useless when you're nobody actually and having difficulty to secure yourself in danger. Come on, in the halfway of life and death, how could I make it worse with the blood stocks? I mean, the time would be risky, and what if the hospital doesn't have one? Oh My God, it's horrible to imagine.

After my first donation in Kramat, i found myself is the only Rh- in my family, so they can't be a helper if I'm in need immediately. And somehow, I got to know that my great-great-great grandfather from my mother side is half dutch (which gives me several percentage of dutch blood that has no meaning totally in my physical appearance, thank you) that may be the reason for my Rh- blood.

So I decided to do something. I WILL dedicate my blood for those who share the fate with me, to expect they will do the same for me when I need in future. It's like feeding my good karma for my own life later. Because I believe that karma does exist, and if everyone do the same, then we will be just fine.

Later I found out that there is a community for Rh- people near us, with a good intention certainly. They help each other, give information, and gather people like me. Even though I am not active in the community, I am happy enough to see them. I tend to get in touch with Rh- staff in PMI and donate my blood whenever they called and if my condition is possible.

In conclusion, I need you to know what rhesus is yours. I know some of you may haven't known your blood type yet, so please check it ASAP, for your own sake.

If you're Rh- just like me, it will be not too late to do a good deed because out there, someone may need your blood to survive. But for the Rh+, you're also needed to donate because the demand for Rh+ is actually higher and your donation is always needed. Just think of what your donation can do to save people, and please, donating won't hurt than the deeds you will give to community.

So please please donate your blood. It will be an exciting experience and also a meaningful deed for some people and even yourself.

Thank you for reading and good night all!!
XOXO <3